2 1/2 Yr. Old and 3 Month Old- How Do I Keep BOTH Happy ?

I used to play Simon Says with my oldest while feeding the baby. It also worked well in long lines at Disneyland!

It's not possible, so the first thing you need to do is to stop trying to keep both happy at all times. At first, it's like triage - you just tend to whomever needs you the most. It gets better. I found it got a lot easier when the youngest could sit up on her own, then even better once she started crawling. We'll see what happens when she walks.

I did it by establishing a pretty set routine and I organized it mostly around the toddler. The baby just ate and slept on the go. I used my baby bjorn every day and got the kids outside. Both enjoy being outside more than inside, so even if it was just pushing the baby in the stroller in our driveway while the toddler rode her tricycle. I also met up with friends and their toddler-aged children at the playground almost daily when it was nice. I was lucky and my friend largely tended to my toddler if I had to deal with the baby. He put her in swings, grabbed juice for her, helped her with the slide, etc. But, mostly I just had that baby in the carrier. They both seemed to do well in the grocery store, so I'd even go there for the heck of it.

Also, if you're going to be busy with the baby, set the toddler up with something first. That's the time to pull out crayons and paper. I also had her help me sponge bathe the baby whenever we did that. She loved that so much that the sponge baths continued far beyond what is probably normal.

But, there were many days where we all just had to cry. Really, all of us. My oldest will be 3 in August and the baby turns 1 in a few days. We still have bouts of jealousy (every day), but it's a lot easier. I used to be terrified to be left alone with them at night if my husband were to work late. Now, he goes on 4-5 day business trips and it doesn't freak me out at all. We still have a routine, but it's not as rigid and it fits all 3 of our needs in. But, initially, I focused on the toddler in an attempt to battle the sibling rivalry.

Where you are right now is very, very hard, but you'll get through it. I bet others will chime in with great advice; I've learned so much from the other moms here.

Good luck!

You can't, so stop trying! =) I had my baby on a pretty firm schedule, so my 2.5 year old learned very quickly what times her baby sister would be eating, napping, etc. It never failed that she'd want to play as soon as her sister started nursing, because as a rule, toddlers are jealous little people! I made a practice of reading books to her while I was nursing, since that was a way I could give them both attention at once (and frankly it was more interesting than just nursing the baby). Also I'd make an effort to do "big girl" activities with her whenever the baby was taking a nap.

I wish I could tell you the jealousy goes away when they get older, but it doesn't. Kids are never happy to have to share Mommy's attention! (My girls are now 3 and 5.5.) It is what it is, we can only do so many things at once.

Best of luck to you and your little ones!

My boys are also two years apart and the same exact thing happened to me. I decided to explain to him the baby needs attention first because he was tiny. It took awhile, but I also decided to spend more time or take care of his needs first then manage the baby somehow in between. I didn't neglect the newborn, but I figure he wouldn't care if I took care of his older brother first or gave my attention to calm him down. The oldest needs attention in understanding the new environment and does not need neglect to why his environment is changing.
A year later now, the oldest smothers his baby brother with kisses and attention because he knows its his little brother. Now, its more of an even game because the oldest understands a bit more. For me it was, the older one needs to be taught to share and understand, but you have to give him or her what is needed to help them share and understand. Their world just kind turned upside down with a little one in the picture so you can see why they want more of your attention.

I also have a 2 year old and a 3 month old and deal with the same problem. What helps me is to include the older one in whatever I am doing with the baby. She gets diapers for me and talks to the baby while I change her, she also helps me hold the bottle. During these times I also will tell her how we have to take care of the baby so she can grow up and be a big girl like her and I will talk about all the fun things they will do together. It seems to help, she gets more excited rather then frustrated. She has even started to pretend to take care of her own baby (a stuffed animal Winnie the Pooh). When I tell her its time to change her sister she will get a diaper for Pooh too and we take care of both of them. Pooh gets to use the baby swing and he has bottles. Of course everyday we still have moments of struggle (everyday!), but thats part of having two little ones. Good luck!

My boys are 18 months apart and I had a little bit of this years ago. First, your 2 1/2 year old is old enough to understand most things you tell her. So tell her that Mommy needs time to feed the baby and when she waits patiently, then Mommy will do something with her. It is also good to find time just for "big girl time" with the two of you each day sometime when the baby is napping.

She is definitely old enough to comprehend so use the "big girl" approach and remember that she just needs to feel special.

+B+

Dear L.,

While my children have a little more of an age difference (3months, 5yrs, and 8yrs) the middle child still had an issue when the new baby came along, and my oldest had the same issue when the middle one came along. I too sat each of them down and talked about the care that the baby needed, and then I made sure that each of the older two get at least one "date day" with me a month. I also make sure that as soon as I'm done with the baby, I give them the attention they need. It almost seems that with the date days, they learn to really love that baby because they are now getting some truly special time with me that is different than what they got before baby.

I hope that this helps you in some way. But remember, you won't be able to keep everybody happy all the time, and make sure that whoever needs your attention the most gets it when it's needed.

have a basket of special toy that your daughter only gets while you nurse. I gave my son (2 years) a balloon while I nursed his sister.

What I say to my daughter is: "I'm going to feed your sister now. What do you want to do while I'm feeding her?". It lets her know that I am aware that she wants attention and am also interested in what she wants to do.

My kids are 3 years and 2 months and what we do is when it's time for the baby to nurse (and it's all the time it seems) we sit down and if she wants attention then I offer to read her a story or snuggle. Snuggling is pretty fun, I'll have one arm around the baby and one around Serene (my 3 year old) and we'll just talk about whatever is on her mind or just hang out. That way she feels involved in the cuddle time he's getting (because let's face it, nursing looks a lot like cuddling to small people) and often now she'll just come over to cuddle him and then run off to play. I think what has worked best for us is I always ask about her feelings and I listen no mater what she says. I don't compare the two and I always give her a warning before I sit down to nurse, I'll ask her first if she needs anything before I have to nurse and remind her that I'll be unable to get anything for her for a while as the baby eats and if she asks for something that would be too time consuming or difficult I explain that and suggest she ask for something else, that way she feels like she's just as important but she understands that we all have to balance each other's needs, and in fact we talk about that idea a great deal.
For outings when you want to stop to nurse (although you certainly can nurse with a carrier- I like the Moby wrap myself, but I admit I don't like to nurse and run) I suggest a game, for instance, tell her it's her special talk time. You can play I spy (for her age I would suggest saying a color and having her point out everything she sees of that color) or ask her what her favorite part of the adventure is at that point, ask why, etc. If she's prone to jealousy at this point tell her that it is her special talk time with you and that the baby isn't allowed to interrupt, she doesn't have to know that he physically can't while eating, it'll just make her feel better to know that she can have you all to herself in one way while he has you all to himself by nursing. You can try telling stories while you wait or plan what you're going to look for next at the zoo, etc. I think the hardest part for the older child is learning that they have to share you so trying to find a small compromise, like still giving her attention while she has to share you makes it much easier for a toddler to understand.

I had 3 kids in 3 years, so I can relate to your plight! It's tricky, I know. One thing that really helped me was this: whenever it was time for me to nurse, I would spread one blanket each on the ground for the other two. Then I would have them each sit on their own blanket, and would give them their "fun box" to play with. They would have to stay on their blanket until I was done nursing. Their fun boxes were filled with special puzzles, coloring books, cars, etc., and they only got to play with those things while I was nursing the baby. This kept it special for them, so they were more likely to stay put, and it was nice for me to know that they weren't getting into trouble in another room where I couldn't see them. Hope this helps! Oh, and life gets so much easier once your littlest one turns 2! I know that seems like a long way off, but there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Make your daughter a special mommy helper so she feels like she is important. You really have to have one on one time with both of them. She had you all to herself for so long and now she has to share you so she just needs to adjust and if she helps you with the baby she can feel important.

My mom gave me this great advice (which I haven't had a chance to use as I didnt have a 2nd baby) When you're going to nurse, use a double rocker or sofa so the child can sit with you guys and not be excluded. Make it reading or talking time for your toddler while the baby nurses. That way you ensure that your toddler gets at least equal time attention from you as you give to the baby and she doesnt feel neglected becuause you're "always" taking care of baby, not her.

And remember, this too shall pass!

I still feel torn sometimes in 3 directions at once and I've only got one little boy, a man and my cooking or other activities, not 2+ kiddos!

Make the time you feed the baby, the time you also read a book to your toddler. She can learn to be a big girl and hold the book and turn pages for you. That way she won't feel like the baby is getting all the alone-time.

Hi L.,
My oldest daughter was 15 months old when my youngest was born. They are now 23 months and almost 8 months old. Things are a little easier these days since they play together pretty well and entertain each other. But in the beginning it was hard to find middle ground to keep both happy and both their needs met. My mom gave me some great advice. She told me to try to have my oldest be mommys big helper when possible so that she would feel included etc. I would ask her to get a diaper for her baby sister (I made it a point to say HER baby sister). I would also ask if she wanted to hold her sister (I held onto the baby as well) and she loved it. What seemed to help a lot also was that my dad got my oldest some baby dolls for Christmas with a stroller etc. and when I would feed, burp or change my youngest she got to where she would go in her room and bring out one of the dolls and try to feed it and burp it. So I think it made her feel like a big girl to take care of her doll like mommy was taking care of the baby.
It gets easier as they get older.
Hope I could help and good luck
-A.

get a baby sling where you can do anything you want with teo hands you can nurse new born babies make dinner go shooping all while they nurse and sleep it's wonderful. I recommend Over the shoulder baby holder or Taylor made slings both can be bought on-line. Good luck to you!

Soooo there right now. I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old. The best thing my pediatrician told me was "Let it go. You can't make them both happy all the time." I am learning to prioritize and my daughter is learning she must entertain herself sometimes. I did get her a baby doll with a bottle, blanket, etc so she can do what I am doing when I have to feed baby or put him down for naps. Otherwise, cut yourself some slack. If everyone is fed, clothed and breathing at the end of the day, you're doing great!!!!!

You've recieved lots of great advice. My daughter was also 2 1/2 when I had a newborn so I totally understand where you are coming from. Reading books to your toddler is a great idea when you are feeding the baby. Also having a toy or a toy basket that only comes out when you are feeding the baby. That makes it special. When I was nursing, my toddler would get her doll and nurse the baby, too! I had a baby boppy that was used for the baby to have tummy time. My toddler discovered that it was a great nursing pillow for her "baby"! My toddler also became "Mommy's Little Helper". She would get a diaper for the baby, pick up sippy cups that fell on the floor from the high chair, get toys for the baby, and whatever else she felt she could do. It was great! Now that my youngest is 13 months, they play wonderfully together, although I need to keep the baby hitting her sister!

I have a 21 monty old son and a 9 month old girl. They are exactly 11months and two weeks apart so I know what your going through. While I would feed my daughter when she was young I would put on Sesame Street and have blocks or some other distracting set of toys out for my son to play with and then sit near him while I fed my daughter. It worked well and didn't place too much separation between us which helped.

When it comes to outside activity and feedings in public I did two things. First, I filled bottles rather than nursing so that I could easily cater to both children when needed. Logistically it just worked a whole lot better. Also, I bought one of those red wagons that has the two seats that fold down. My son loves to ride around in it and he can have his snacks and drink right at his fingertips - he's also buckled in so when I have my daughter in my arms he can't escape. Or, if my son wants to get out and walk then when she was younger and not able to sit up I would blanket the wagon and it has the ability to fold flat so she would lay in it and take her naps or drink her proped up bottle. Now they both sit it it and ride everywhere we go together. Some hair pulling and sippy cup stealing aside it seems to work well.

I'm sure you are finding that where their is a will their is a way.

Bottom line you can't feel quilty. Just look at it this way, and it took me a while to get here, they are going to be in eachothers lives forever so they need to learn how to communicate, share and love eachother even at this age and know that ma and pa love and care for them the same.

I have been there too. Every day when the baby is sleeping, make a deliberate effort to do exclusively what your 2 1/2yo wants to and nothing else for about 1/2 hour. Once she gets regular time with you that she knows is only hers, she won't constantly want your attention.

Also give your daughter a timeline to when she will have your full attention. (ie "after I bathe, dress, and feed your brother, I will be all yours.) Hint: This also helps with learning expectations and patience. I used this approach all the time with mine when they were younger and it works like a charm once the routine is established.

L.,
Hang in there, it does get easier. It is really hard keeping both happy at the same time. My girls are now 20 months and 7 months and we still have issues daily. Most days are pretty good but we still have our issues. My older daughter is now trying to help take care of her sister, which is just adorable.
With the nursing issue see if your daughter would like to sit next to you so she can be a part of it. That worked wonders in our house. Now my oldest just climbs up next to us if she wants attention when I am feeding her sister.
I am sending you happy vibes anf hope that things get better for you!
J.

It is hard to juggle both...my three kids are each 3 years apart..so I was in the same boat as you ...twice... I was told to try to take care of the toddlers needs first if possilbe with meals, which on the most part worked.
Then I kept a box of sticker,markers and paper at the table all the time for my older one to work on while I was dealing with the baby. I always said to the older one lets make ...daddy, grandma, grandpa something or even the baby.. and she seemed to like that.... You can always go with the favorite video route too... Believe me it will get easier as they both get older. If you can read to her if you are feeding the baby. I hope this helps...hang in there you'll make it...:)