17 Month Old Making It Hard to Breastfeed New Baby

You may think this is weird, but get your daughter a doll and let her feed her while you feed the baby. Most of all be consistant. I had a 13 mth old while I was breastfeeding my second and he did the same thing. I didn't get him a doll that would have been really weird. I just let him know that I would play with him after baby ate. And I would try to play with him before the baby got hungry so he didn't feel like he wasn't getting any attention. It will take a while for her to adjust, but she will.

My first 2 are 16 1/2 months apart. Sometimes I would sit on the floor to nurse so my son had full access to me and he'd come up behind me and look over my shoulder and sort of gnaw on my shoulder while I nursed! I would just always make sure he had a drink and a snack and not make a big production of it. It's easy to get in the habit of saying "my child won't let me ___", but you have things you need to do-- you don't allow him to stop you from going to the bathroom or making dinner, right? You find ways to either keep him busy or allow him to get involved. I know he can't "help you" brestfeed, but he can have a job, like getting a burp cloth from a basket for you. Also, have you tried a sling? They take some getting used to, but you can get the baby situated in the sling and have one or both hands free to read a book or do some other quiet activity with your toddler. By the way, the best advice anyone gave me was it gets easier after the first year-- it's very true and give you a light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to!!

At the same time you are learning to split your attention between your two children - Your daughter is being taught to share her attention with another. One way to accomplish your goal is to destract your oldest daughter while you are feeding, which is not an easy task.
- Try taking your 18 month old to the store and purchase a doll. When you feed your newborn, let her feed her babydoll. Make sure the babydolls mouth allows for a bottle.
- Try doing storytime while you feed. Send her to get a book while you position your newborn. Have her sit in front of you and help you turn the pages.
- Get her to the table with playdough, crayons, etc. Sit at the table with her while you feed.
In all situations make sure you comment to her (great job! that looks great! etc) every minute or so, this way she knows you are paying attention to her.

I am right there with you. I have an 18mnth old girl and 2 1/2 week old boy. I almost had my girl weaned from nursing..not now she is rolling and climbing all over me and the baby. The first week was nuts, the 2cnd week a little better, her and I are adjusting, now this week I dont mind the fussing as much, I will be there soon enough. I get her talen care of first it doesnt always work but for the most part yeah, And I am nursing while standing, cleaning, maken snack, doing yard stuff, reading her a story with one hand, singing songs, Im being more innovative everyday. Its really hepled!! My spouse went out of town a week after he was born and wont be back till the end of May. I would have already gone nuts if it hadnt subsided. Every Day has gotten easier! By the way I have a greatdane that is going nuts at the same time. Noone told her she was a dog! I was one step to giving her a way. She and the 18mnth old running around fighting over toys ect.. Good Luck!

I had the same age spacing and this is what I found helped. Ist of all you do not want to push away the older one because she could get resentful of the baby. I would let my older one sit with us. Yes on my lap, too. All my older one wanted was to be part of the action, and to make sure I wsn't forgetting him. Sometimes, he got to burp the baby (Of course with him on my lap, holding the baby on him.) He usually lost interest pretty fast, once he realized all we were doing was sitting in one spot feeding, You will learn to time the baby's nursing to your older child's meals, too. Sometimes, if the older one wanted something, I would just pop my nipple out of the baby's mouth and grab what the older one needed. It usually took the baby a few minutes to realize there was no food forthcoming, and in that time, I could grab what the older one wanted and sit back down and start feeding the baby again. After all the baby didn't know what was going on, so he couldn't be resentfl of the older one. He might cry for a second but I was usually holding him so he got food. Sometimes it helps to have a basket full of special toys that your oldest can only have when you are feeding the baby, too/ Good lick, I survived and they ae now 6 and 5, and best friends...

My son was about a year older than your oldest when my 2nd was born, so he could be reasoned with a little bit more. But what I did, was talk to him and explained that for the first 2 years, he had me ALL to HIMSELF. That the new baby will NEVER have me ALL to HERSELF and will always have to share me with him. So, sometimes, (like feeding time for the baby) it's the baby's turn and sometimes (like afterwards) it can be his turn. If he wanted, I let him bring me a book and sit next to me so I could read it to him. Or asked him to draw me a picture while I was feeding the baby.
It will get better. Your oldest is making a big adjustment too, but it will happen.

Have you tried convincing your daughter she needs to feed her baby too? Give her a doll and tell her to feed her baby. Have her imitate whatever you do....it will be so cute! This worked with a 4 year old, hopefully it will work with your 17 month old too!

To add on to the previous advice, she may need some boundaries. I know you probably WANT big sister to "share" in the bonding with the baby, as we did, but she needs to know that is baby's eating time. She can sit and watch or (fill in her options) will happen. Of course, assure and re assure her that you still love her and all of that good stuff. My girls are a little farther apart(4 months)but this worked for us.

Hi E.
Have you tried giving a big girl bottle or sippy cup at the same time you nurse? Let her know she's the big girl now and doesn't need mommy milk anymore. Only babies need it, and then give her a cracker and sippy cup or bottle. Or cover up with a blanket when nursing and maybe she won't notice. Gosh, I totally remember when my 18 month old got jellous when I went to the sitter to pick him up and all the other little fella's jumped on my lap. He pulled them off and yelled MY MOMMY!!!!!

T. Anderson

I decided after it all, that watching tv was our best "activity" to do while i breastfed. my daughters are the same age apart as yours. if your 17month old doesn't watch tv, then i don't know another option, because i tried everything else! when it was time to feed the baby, i turned on a kids show for her...and eventually i could be in a different room where it was quiet when the baby got older... and then when i was done feeding i would turn it off (so that we had some time away from it, since you feed a new born ALOT!) so, i don't know if that makes me a bad mother, but i also believed strongly in breastfeeding, so i felt it was my compromise for the time. after awhile they don't feed so often or for so long of periods of time, that if the baby nurses for 10-20 minutes at a time, thats not that much tv spread out through the day. as long as you give her quality play time at other points during the day when youre not holding the newborn! it's a tricky thing, and it was hard - but now they are 4 and 2.5 and can play together! good luck!

hi! We had to make breastfeeding time a special activity time for our then-2-year-old...we would get out a favorite coloring book or the art easel or playdoh or blocks or a video or puzzles or anything that he could do on his own--and set him up at a little table near me-so I could still give him attention and talk to him, but he was occupied!

With your newborn being so very young, it is especially important for them to get the hang of nursing. When feeding time comes around, it may be wise to distract the 18 mo. old with a new toy, a favorite video, etc. Try to nurse at nap time too.

My first two daughters were 19mths apart so I defnately know how difficult it is. What I did is have a special toy box with only toys that came out when I was breastfeeding, or I would put on her favorite TV show but only when I breastfeed. I would get her to help and sit on my lap or talk to her about things while I was nursing. It definately isn't as nice as the first time when you can bond one on one while breastfeeding. This time you have to keep your eldest entertained as well.