2 1/2 Year Old That Sleeps in Our Bed, Help!

What is wrong with how things are working now? Just because he's not an independent sleeper doesn't mean he will not be or is independent in other ways - - please keep in mind his young age!! My daughter slept with us in our bed until her baby brother was born (she was 6 y/o) and now sleeps cramped in a toddler bed ('just' fits her) at the end of our bed. She is almost always the first one to do things on her own, a gifted student in a excellent private school, very independent about every other thing - - wanting to sleep next to someone you love and trust is instinctual in mammals, and who more than Mommy do our children love and trust the most?

we have a book by the sleep lady (kim west) which is a modified CIO method. it starts with you sitting next to him until he falls asleep and you move farther away every 3 days until you're out of his room. it's gentler and you're there so most liekly he won't cry at this age (whining yes but probably not crying). it's actually a pretty helpful book and it worked with our son. unfortunatley for us, something happened and he's back to getting up and coming to our bed in the middle of the night but i think thta was our fault b/c we were potty training him, he got clingier and i felt bad and started letting him sleep with us again. we're gonna sleep train him again with this book. good luck!

Wow...there are a lot of ways you can approach this. I guess it really depends on your son. :)

I know that at 2 1/2, my daughter is really excited about being a "big girl." It sounds like you're planning on moving him to a toddler bed. If you haven't bought one yet, start talking with him about it...how he's growing up so much that he's ready for his own "big boy" bed. And then let him help pick it out (if that's an option for you). He might surprise you. :)

To get him comfortable sleeping in his own room, you can start by going to sleep with him in his bed (and moving to your own room when he's asleep). Do you have bedtime rituals? Keep all of that the same...but in HIS room (story, music, prayers, whatever). Then, you just gradually start moving closer to the door. I think at some point, you will have to let him "cry it out" for a bit, but doing a gradual transition should make it easier. Of course, it will take a LOT of your time and a longer time to accomplish.

You might also try a modified CIO method over the weekend :) We found that it really only took 2 or 3 nights for my daughter to transition from our bed to hers.

Its ok if you dont want to let him CIO. We were a family of letting them CIO. So What I am saying is not from personal experience but from what I saw on Nanny 911. I would not lay down with him! I would let his big boy bed be a great exciting thing. The first night I would try getting ready for his BIG BOY BED yah! Brush teeth, bath, pjs bed time story in bed. And a hug then a kiss and tell him good night. If he has white noise this helps a lot with little ones. But if he never had it before it might not work so great. I would also tell him right after the bed time book while he is in bed. Do not get out of bed untill I come get you. This worked great for our daughter that just switched. She wont even get out to play with toys! My son did get out of bed and with out looking at him in a firm tone i said " You better get back in bed right now". It worked great. Now if he does get out of bed you put him back to bed and tell him its bed time now. If he does it again you again take him back to bed. This time dont tell him anything. And repeat over and over again! If he wakes up in the night take him back to bed. If he wakes up crying or scared but stays in his room go comfort him but dont go to sleep with him. Not for a long time. Your adjusting the sleep patterns and its going to be slightly difficult for the first few nights but stay with it and drink Coffee!!! You also mentioned that he is clingy, may I suggest you inroll him in a part time mothers day out or church program where he learns to play with others out of your sight. It worked wonders for our shy little two yr old. Just a couple days a week. You might also take some cookies or something simple for the neighbors saying thank you for your patience while you raise you child to sleep on his own.

I agree with the idea of you starting out in his room so he sees that it is not a scary place. Make it a fun room with bedding he likes, etc. Then sleep on an air mattress that can be moved closer and closer to your room. Reward a good night.

Is he clingy because he is afraid? Work on making life less scary. Watch how you respond to things. Point out "big boy" things he does, even if it seems small. Have him "teach" his toy figures or stuffed animals how be brave when he leaves the room, e.g. (I thought of that since it worked for our daughter to teach her teddy bear how to go potty in the little potty.)

Never mention how you are dreading preschool in front of him. Instead, mention, in front of him, to someone that you can't believe how big he is getting that he is going to get to go to preschool next year. (Actually there is no need to start him that early if he isn't ready.) Talk about all the things he can do by himself. Never mention any of his clingy-type behavior but always point out his independent-type behavior.

Do you have kids come over very often? It's good for him to learn how to share his personal toys and your time with other kids. Enjoy! These are great times of teaching and learning!

You sound quite worried and I understand, especially since this is your first child. I was in the same "boat" so-to-speak.

Most statistics show that girls mature faster than the boys. I have three boys. Mine were closer to 3 1/2 yrs old before actually wanting to do things by himself (learning independence). My suggestion is to give him some more slack. He is too young to be expected to understand that when he can't see you doesn't mean that you are not around and available and ready to hug him at a moment's notice. You may think he knows that but don't make him into such a "big boy" just yet. He will most certainly let you know when he is ready to be independent. When he pours himself a drink and spills most of it all over the table, then you can say he's about ready!

I like the Kim West book suggestion. That technique worked wonders for me and my kids. Also, between now and September, work in some babysitting where you are in the other room, then gone for an hour, then away from the house for an afternoon. Getting him used to the idea that another adult can help until "Mom gets back" (like at pre-school) would help him adjust later as well as help you get used to it.

Hugs!

I think there are two ways you can approach this. One is, as you say, a mattress in your child's room that you sleep on to get your child used to his room with you in it. Although my son was never as bad as your son, we do do this in cases of really bad nightmares and stuff, and we used to do it more regularly.

The other thing you could do, if you think he will sleep badly in any room besides yours, is start with a futon or something in your room. Then you can begin stressing that he doesn't sleep in your bed, that's Mommy's bed, and everyone has their own bed, and train him to sleep there. Once you have mastered that, you could move into his room and sleep in there with him until he gets used to being in a new room.

I don't think CIO is as necessary as being firm in this case. Since he should be able to see you in either situation, he has no reason to need to be in your bed. He is safe and he knows it. So you need to be firm about the separate beds. But at this age, he might be frightened to sleep completely alone if he has never done it before, so I absolutely understand the desire to "wean" him slowly.

Good luck to you.