2 1/2 Year Old Not Sleeping Alone

Updated on March 13, 2012
F.M. asks from Lincoln, NE
4 answers

I have a major problem and need your help! My son who will be 3 in July does not like to sleep alone. This has been an ongoing issue since he was 2. My hb falls asleep with him in his bed, then usually gets up and comes to our bed, then my son wakes up around 1-2 am and comes to our bed, which then my hb lets him sleep with us. Well, now it is getting to the point where my son screams at night because he knows that his dad will eventually leave when he falls asleep and since he has figured this out, my son refuses to go to sleep and cries. My hb turns on the TV for him and lets him watch TV until he falls asleep which sometimes can be around 9.30-10pm. I think this is BS! So one night, i told my hb that i was going to put our son to bed,and that i was tired of him giving in to our 2 yr old. We MUST start teaching boundries. So the night went like this. I gave him a snack, brushed his teeth and said, ok we are going to watch TV for 15 min, then mommy is going to turn the tv off and we have to go to sleep. He screamed and cried and screamed and cried and was yelling for DADDY DADDY! I calmly kept reassuring him everything was fine and he was a big boy, and big boys sleep in their own beds. So we watched TV for the 15 min and then i turned the tv off, he did the same thing.. screamed and screamed and yelled for daddy. I kept my word and told him no daddy and that we had to go to sleep. he cried and cried and struggled for about 30 min, but then finally fell asleep. It was hard, but i did it. well, the next night came and my hb did the complete opposite as me. needless to say he has been doing this ever since... along with other stuff... i try and discpilne and my hb thiiks it is a game. i am so pissed off! i dont know what to do. how can one parent stand thier ground and other parent not eve care.???

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Your Husband does this because it is easier for him.

And he is being a "buddy" not a parent.

No young kid who is 2.5 years old, should be watching tv... until 9:30-10:00 at night.

Your Husband does this because it is easier for him... and it makes his son quiet.
And he does not want to put his child to bed.
He is taking the "chicken" route.
He is a chicken.

As the child gets older.... Hubby will be sabotaging his emotional development.

Or, Hubby is enjoying... irking you. And that is the "game" to him. Irking you and contradicting you.... in front of your child. And this is creating a wedge, in how your son bonds with you and the respect, he has for you.
So, that is a whole other problem.

To me: the problem is your Husband. And how.... he is undermining you in front of your child. Therefore, your son is "liking" Daddy more... because Daddy is trying to be a "buddy" not a Dad.

Then the other issue is: co-sleeping. You are against it. Your Husband sees no problem with it.

But developmentally, a child from 2 years old onward, does develop night time 'fears' in general. And they get scared at night. Hence, the child may want to sleep with mom or dad.
Or, have a place on the floor of your room, on a blanket or something, and your child can sleep there, if/when need be.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.S.

answers from Columbia on

I think he's walking all over you because you let him.

1 mom found this helpful
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F.B.

answers from New York on

If you institute the changet to the bedtime routine, and enforce it for 2-3 weeks solid, your son will embrace it, and your hubs won't be able/ need to undermine it, because your son will be sleeping so well with the new Mommy imposed routine.

Sorry you two aren't on the same page on this parenting issue.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

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K.C.

answers from Washington DC on

You and hubby need to get on the same page ...

Consistency and routine are key and this is neither. If hubby has a difficult time hearing the crying and screaming (as mine does), then perhaps he can work in the yard or run an errand to the store while you get DS to bed.

A suggestion: Both of you talk with DS when he's in a good place ... why are you having such a hard time, how can we help make this easier for everyone. Make a COMPLETE list of all his and your ideas, so he feels "heard". Then talk through each one until you establish THE new routine for bedtime ... post it on the fridge, his bedroom door, in the bathroom. In the beginning, help him through each step, then (after a couple of weeks) let him try and work the steps while you watch and "reward" the behavior with LOTS of praise. Soon enough you may notice his behavior has been modified and all is better.

Best wishes ....

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