1X Mommy...

It will come to you and if it doesn't there are lots of useful people/tools out there to ask questions. Just try not to worry so much!

Congratulations!

Memorize the phrase "this too, shall pass" and recite it every time you get frustrated or can't figure out what to do!!!! :) That'll happen, um, daily.

Congratulations!

Be kind to yourself, you will make mistakes. No one is a perfect parent and if they think they are, they are deluding themselves. :-)
As other mommies have mentioned, get rid of the books they can make you paranoid or feel like a failure of a parent.
Don't worry if you can't read every cry, whimper, or movement, sometimes it takes time to get to know your little person because they will have their own personality from the start.
Take time out for yourself, and also don't forget your husband/boyfriend ect..
The first few months are brutal ( unless you get really lucky with a super easy baby) You will be tired, sore and hormonal. Do not expect to have a clean house and take each day at a time.
If you can't or choose to not breast feed your baby don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Formula babies grow up to be well adjusted, happy and healthy too.
Each stage if different, sometimes you will love it sometimes you will hate it. But try to live in that moment because you will never get it back again.
Always do what is right for you and your family.
Congratulations and good luck.

Don't leave the hospital with your newborn without having a nurse coach you on how to properly latch your baby to your breast, if you plan to breastfeed.

You cannot hold your baby too much. He/she will never be that small again. Hold him/her as much as you can.

Take lots of pictures! They grow so fast and you will be amazed by how different he/she looks in two weeks!

Breastfeed on demand which means you nurse when baby cries. Don't look at the clock and say to your infant, "But it's only been an hour since you last nursed!" Nurse that baby...or if you choose to bottle feed, feed that baby.

Don't let anyone talk you into putting cereal in your infant's bottle! Breast milk or formula only! It's a myth that babies with cereal in their tummies sleep longer or better. An infant, whether breastfed or bottle fed will eat about every 2-3 hours, sooner if it's a growth spurt. An infant is not usually ready for solids (cereal) until at least 4 months, sometimes longer. And when that time comes, offer solids on a spoon, not in the bottle.

Don't get hung up on percentile charts. These charts are national averages for babies that are often formula fed. If your baby is growing, gaining weight, soiling (wet and poopy) his/her diapers, seems content (happy) then you have nothing to worry about.

Just because your neighbor's child hit a milestone before yours did doesn't mean something is wrong with your baby. Every child is different.

Let the housework go and just marvel at this beautiful creation you have been blessed with. Watch him/her sleep, let him/her sleep on your chest, enjoy the fragrance of a newborn baby, as that too will change over time.

Don't let people touch your baby's hands or face! So many germs out there. Ask friends and family to wash their hands before holding your baby and for strangers to keep their germy paws off your baby.

There is NOTHING to be afraid of. Your maternal instincts will kick in. Follow them. Don't rush off to the E.R. for every little fever, or hiccup. Call your pediatrician, yes, even after hours. This is the job they sign up for.

Allow your body to heal after the birth. Growing a baby inside of us is hard work...labor and delivery is even harder. Don't be disappointed if your delivery requires a c-section.

Don't let your baby "cry it out." The ONLY way an infant knows how to communicate with you is by crying. You will over time know which cry is for what...hunger cry, "I want to be picked up cry," "I'm bored and want to see you cry," "I need you NOW cry."

Good luck!

Don't buy into all the stuff people say you need for a baby. My friends couldn't believe how little I had packed in my diaper bag most of the time. All you really need for a quick outing is a diaper change and wipes and when the kid's a little bigger a snack and cup. I usually kept a change of clothes in the car, but realized quite often by the time I used it the kid was bigger than the outfit, so you might want to make sure you update it more often than I did. The stores are filled with stuff that they claim are "must haves" but really aren't used that much. (example wipe warmers, kids won't be traumatized for life because they had a little cold butt when they were a baby)

You cannot hold a baby too much. You cannot overfeed a breastfed baby. Breastfeeding is easy for 95% of women if you stick it our first the past few weeks and remember to feed on demand. Remember to enjoy every moment, they go by too fast!

Be flexible and open-minded.

Brutal honesty here and just my own personal experience:

I was gung-ho going to breastfeed my first child. I read books, I took the special class at the hospital, I went to websites, I swore I wouldn't be one of those "lazy selfish moms" who didn't nurse. But once the baby came it was nothing but torture - physical and emotional torture. We had major latching problems from the get-go so I pumped 8 times a day for 3 months, yet everyone was miserable. It sucked - and not in the way it was supposed to! I was too close-minded to think that it might be better for both me and my child to throw in the towel and just formula feed. I agonized for days over stopping pumping. I worried that I would be doing my child a disservice. In the meantime, I went through 3 long months of hell because I didn't want to be a 'quitter' or 'give us so easily' and it really took a toll on our family. Shortly after I stopped, I regained my sanity and my baby became happier. When the time came for child #2, I decided that I wasn't going to put myself or my child through that again so we went straight to bottle feeding. I'm happy to report that at ages 4 and 13 months I have two healthy, well-adjusted children who, surprisingly enough have not grown a tail or are menaces to society!

Educate yourself about how you want to feed your child. If that means breastfeeding - fantastic! It's a totally awesome thing that you can do for your body and your child -BUT- it is not always the best option and it is not the only option for feeding your child. Stay away from the hard-core lacto-mommies who only have two goals in life: breastfeeding their children and chastising those who don't or don't plan to. They can be downright mean and rude and say things that make a new mother feel inferior or second-guess what they're doing because they're "poisoning their child with formula". Fortunately there are some VERY nice nursing moms out there who can be very supportive of you no matter what decision you make. At the end of the day, it is your child, your body, your life thus your decision so no matter what you decide for your unique situation it will be right for you :)

I wish someone would have said these exact words to me when I had my first child - that it is okay to be flexible and change the game plan.

Be very affectionate to your child -always. A strong hug, a kiss and an "I love you so much," fixes and repairs many things. Also, don't be afraid to apologize to your child if you've acted in a way or said something that you regret. You're not ceding power or letting them run the show -you're teaching them a valuable lesson in apologizing when it's the right thing to do and letting them see that you're human. Along those lines -it's okay for them to see you cry.

Know that it's not like you think it will be. No matter how you think it's going to be -it's going to be different ;-) Whether it's your child's looks, personality, likes and dislikes or just what it's like to have a child and be a parent -there's really no preparing for it and every single one of them is different! That's not said to scare you -but look on this as embarking on the adventure of a lifetime and truly the most important and lengthy one you'll ever take. As with most adventures, there will be times you want to turn back and times you ask yourself why you embarked on it in the first place! Then you'll feel awful about yourself and feel like you're the only mother who has ever felt that way. Don't. EVERY mother feels that way at some point, and the ones who tell you they never have are either liars or just haven't had their comeuppance yet! 99% of the time you will be completely in love with that child, even when you're angry, but there will be some times where you just want to run away!

It's okay to take breaks. EVERYONE needs some alone time and time for themselves. No one needs to be with their children 24/7 with no breaks. It's bad for the child and really bad for the parent! It's okay to put your marriage and husband first sometime! Yes, you're supposed to be committed as a team to raising and loving this child and putting her needs first, but she won't even know if you don't suggest going to the park one afternoon or baking cookies with her so you and hubby can squeeze in some "afternoon delight" when she has her nap!

Remember -you are a person and were a person here on this earth with needs, wants and desires before you ever had your child. Those things are still important. Your children should come first most of the time, but you still have a right to a life!

Do NOT hover and be a "helicopter mom"! Let your child make mistakes and even fail sometime. The younger the better while those mistakes don't carry so much risk! Realize scrapes and bruises and sometime even stitches or a cast are just parts of us getting to know the world -intimately.

Whatever plan you have now for feeding, sleeping, training, diapers, division of duties with your husband, discipline tactics, education, television viewing, video games, sports, extracurricular activities, sex ed, religion, etc. etc. etc. -go with your plan and then be prepared to completely change it or even do all of those things you said you would NEVER do! That may mean you feed with formula or let baby cry it out or pop a behind some day when that 3 year old spits at you or accept that your gorgeous daughter may be far more interested in basketball, race cars and mud than Barbie and cheerleading. Whatever it is -just keep an open mind, listen to your gut and do some research. Don't ever be afraid to ask for or get help. You'll be okay -and so will your child!

Go with your gut! Let the baby sleep on you, eat on demand, take him/her to the doctor when you can tell they are sick, and don't let other people make you feel bad for doing what is clearly right for your baby and you. And as they get older and are testing your patience, PLEASE remember that they are a person who deserves respect and love. Talk to them the way you want to hear them talk to you and others, because they will mimick everything they hear come out of your mouth! ALSO, snuggle snuggle snuggle and take LOTS of pictures (close up of tiny feet and ears and lips) - this baby will change before your eyes!

Hire a midwife and have the baby at home. I wish someone had told me that.

Lisa

This is a HUGE question, there is no way to truly prepare - believe me. I thought for sure I was at a great age, great financial status, and just perfect for having children when we had our first. I thought It would be easier for me because I was so established and ready to roll. I had read every book I could get my hands on and hit every class and website I could. Then the first little bundle of joy came and all that hard work and studying went out the window! He didn't follow anything I had read about.

The biggest things I have learned are; read the books for an overview, they never follow what your kid will do exactly. If you put too much stock in them, you will get stressed out that there is something wrong. In short, trust your instincts, you are the mommy and you will figure out what your baby needs. Also, try not to let other people give too much advice or compare your baby's behavior to other babies for the same reason.

Believe it or not, your baby just needs you, love, feed, cuddle, and care. These are the best thing you can do and know. One other thing to study up on is safety for your baby. There are some things out there that you wouldn't think of. The hospital is pretty good about filling you in as well as your doc.

Good luck on #1 and hold on for the ride! = )

Watch "Business of Being Born"

Go to a local Le Leche Meeting

Find a IBCLC - they are gold mines of medical support, experience, advice and will help you when you hit a roadblock. If breastfeeding hurts - then the baby isn't latched right and you will need someone experienced to help you.

Read up on the websites: www.kellymom.com, www.drjacknewman.com

Check your OB's and Hospital's rates of cesreans, episotomies, maternal death rate, etc

Don't forget to relax when you bring baby home... don't worry about cleaning, cooking, taking care of your husband, etc... just take care of you and baby. Sleep when baby sleeps and if you breastfeed, napping with baby after nursing is a great experience.

You'll be calling your mom a lot and you'll be on this site a ton, I promise. :)
I've been a mommy of two for 10 years now and still have questions, so it's ok. Motherhood is a magical journey of love, frustration, joy, tears, and poop. Lots and lots of poop.
You'll do just fine. Instict takes over a lot when you become a mommy. Relax and enjoy your little one.

ignore all the books and most of the advice and go with your gut.
babies are amazingly resilient - really it's pretty hard to break them. That said, here's my *advice*!

LOTS and LOTS of love. You cannot give a baby or child too much love.

Get a doula or a midwife.

breastfeeding is awful the first month but stick it out, it becomes easier and easier and eventually becomes a very wonderful thing. GET HELP immediately if breastfeeding isn't working and don't give up on it. it took the most determination I've had to have on anything to make breastfeeding work the first time around and it was well worth the effort. that said, if he hadn't figured out how to eat from the boob (took him 5 days when he suddently just "got it"), I would've thrown in the towel - pumping and then feeding 8-10 times per day is just too exhausting for you. part of the "awful" part is that you feel like a cow - you still feel fat and flabby from being pregnant, you're constantly tired, and the only thing you're good for is making milk - this feeling will pass, but it takes being stubborn to keep going on the nursing. I had a hard time moving from a marriage that was truly 50/50 work load to this screaming little thing was 90% my job. My hubby had a hard time with the change in division of labor too. So, it was as much emotional as physical in it being hard the first month.

start carrying around 5-10 pounds for a few minutes at a time right now. really, my arms were SOOOOOO tired the first couple of months, I wish someone had told me how heavy a 7 pound baby becomes after 15-20 minutes.

Congratulations and good luck!

It looks like you have already gotten some good thoughts from other Moms. This is a huge question, but here are my 2 cents.

Try to sleep when you can, especially when the baby is younger. You need your sleep to be the best mom you can be. Truly. Take care of yourself too!

Try to enjoy it and not stress too much. Time goes way too fast with kids. (This is not just a saying....it is soooo true!)

Remember: This too shall pass. Whether it is good or bad, easy or tough...it will end and a new phase will begin. So, treasure those happy moments and stick through it during the rough ones.

Just do the best you can...follow your gut...ask for help when needed. No one is perfect and that is okay. You will be a great mother for your little one!

Congrats!

Congrats! Here's what I tell my best friends and family entering parenthood:
1. Breathe- take time to actually enjoy at least one aspect of each stage! They all have their ups and downs. As well as taking a minute to litterally Breathe-in out in out in out.
2. Laugh- when your baby has their first diaper blow out- when you totally miss something just because you spaced it- when you come to those "I told you so" moments. Laugh rather than stress about something. Then breathe.
3. Pick your stress. Don't let stress run your life- decide which things you are "allowed" to worry about and make sure that it's something that is worth it. Getting bodily fluids on you doesn't count as a reason to stress- and beleive me that happens often. The first time your little one gets sick is another reason not to worry- it'll happen and it will be okay. See numbers 1 & 2.
4. Take time for yourself! even if it's a 30 min shower you squeeze in during nap time, or just painting your nails. Force yourself to get dolled up sometimes. Feel good about yourself! You are doing an amazing and selfless thing. Your life will never be the same again. Way to go.
5. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
6. Enjoy!

Yes, very normal to feel unprepared, but remember you get to take it one day at a time.
My advice would be, get educated. Take responsibility for your body and your motherhood.
Start now, not when your baby comes.
Prepare for labor and delivery by knowing all of your options and all the choices that you have. The more you are prepared, the more you won't fear. Fear causes stress and causes longer labors.
Find some good books to read. I have lists and lists - you can message me if you want.
One of them is called "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth."
Make sure you are going to go to a childbirth class. My favorite is Hypnobabies. Deep relaxation for childbirth. It's amazing.
Hire a doula to help you. They are amazing.
Then when your baby comes, consult a lactation specialist to help you get feeding.
Afterwards you just meet your baby's needs. Feeding, eating, and holding. It's healthy to hold your baby a lot. It's tiring, but it's all worth it. Sleep whenever you can. Eat healthy. Drink a lot of water. Find a good support system of family and friends. Do ONE thing every day that you used to always do before the baby came. Whether that be watching your favorite show, scrapbooking, taking a bubble bath. If you do that one thing, it will really help you.
Don't be afraid to ask questions and to ask for help.
:)
It's wonderful!

I am a reader and read EVERY book possible and then modified to fit my life.
"What to expect" series
Belly Laughs
Girlfriends guide to pregnancy
And a lot of others.
Also, I have recommended this tool before, but it is called "Growing Child" it is a little newsletter that is mailed monthly and gives you updates on developmentally appropriate games, what your child should be doing and how to encourage and help them grow healthfully and appropriately. they were my little bibles for both my kiddos!
Congratulations!!!

Love and hold your baby as often as you can! They grow up quick.

Raise them how you and your husband wants to - not by how someone else tells you.

Congrats!!

whomever is cranky needs a warm bath!

You definitely can't know everything right off the bat of having your 1st child. First, I would like to congratulate you on your new baby coming soon, it is the most exciting time. Just enjoy yourself, the baby, and your husband. You can take advice from lots of people, see what works for you and your baby and go with it. All kids grow at different paces through life not anyone is the same. I agree, if you are going to be home with your child, take naps when your baby does, it will help you to be refreshed and rejenuated. You have to make time for yourself as well. Good luck with your baby!!!

Dont worry about your house being a mess for the first while, if you like a clean house. In my experience nothing got done for the first month! After that it got much better and I felt organized again. my son is now 2 months :). ENjoy!!

You wont believe how soon he or she will be asking for the car keys, staying out late and thinking he knows it all! No matter how tired you are, no matter how frustrated from lack of communication, treasure each and every moment. Think- I wont get to rock him in the middle of the night when he's 14 and I'll miss it, She wont fit on my lap when she's 15 how sad will that be! She wont want to be carried all the time in just a few short years! Thru teething, colic, night feeding and getting into everything and the terrible twos, remind yourself we'll look back on this and LAUGH if he's a difficult teen, or when she complains about our grandchild! Enjoy!

My best advice is to do your research, but also trust your own instincts. Reading up on parenting and child development is really important, and my favorite books on pregnancy and parenting a baby are: Birthing From Within by England and Horowitz; and The Baby Book by Sears and Sears. It is important to know what a baby/child is capable of developmentally and physically, some first time parents expect too much from a child that is just too young to control their emotions, share with others, stop crying, or simply to act like an older, more mature child than they are. First time parents sometimes fall on the other end of the spectrum too where they don't realize that a child is old enough to do things for themselves (with a little help and encouragement) like put away their toys and dress themselves. Getting advice and help from ohter moms and from books and websites can be a really helpful tool, but remember that you are the mom, you have the final say. This is a huge respoincibility, take some time to think very carefully about the kind of family you want to have and what is most important to you. For me, I try really hard to make sure my 3 children have the time and space to be creative; with blocks and dress up and playdough etc., this often leads to big messes and my house is never as clean as I want ti to be, but having a spotless house isn't nearly as high on my priority list as having creative and happy kids. I also decided that I would breastfeed my babies, it was really hard with my first because she was in the NICU and I had to pump and then teach her to nurse, but my breastfeeding was very high on my priority list soi I stuck wiht it no matter what and it turned out great! I guess what I am trying to say is figure out the kind of mom you want to be and what is most important to you, then write it down, on ppaer or just in your heart, and stick with it! Good luck! Oh, and one more bit of advice, you will hear from several sources that you should not rock your baby to sleep or let him fall asleep on your breast. In my humble opinion, that is terrible advice! I have never regretted the time I have spent rocking and singing my babies to sleep and they are all healthy, happy children who sleep very well!

follow your instincts.