1St Son Is Visually Impaired - When to Try for #2 - West Nyack,NY

Hi L.!

I agree that it's up to you, but I also think there may not be one right answer!

My second child (a boy) is also visually impaired/legally blind. We knew we wanted a third child, but hadn't talked about the timing too much. Probably just going with three years apart b/c the first two were. And then surprise! I got pregnant when he was 12 months old. :P I was a little concerned too, but couldn't dwell on that since the baby was coming no matter what. And it all worked out just fine.

My boys are 21 months apart (almost 3.5 and 5 y/o) and I wouldn't have it any other way. They are such great buddies (yes they fight), but they are a barrel of laughs. The 3 y/o can help the 5 y/o with some things that might be tricky, and I can see how wonderful it will be for them to continue to grow up together so closely.

There has never been a moment where I felt that the baby compromised my middle one's needs in terms of his special situation. You will find a way to do it all!

Good luck, and go for it if you are otherwise ready now! :)

There is no right or wrong. The fact that you're reflecting so carefully, and really looking at what's best for your child(ren)- that means that they'll both be just fine! Do what you feel, deep down, is right. If waiting 3 years feels good (which it sounds like, based on what you wrote), then wait!

Your little guy will do great with a sibling, whatever the age. And I'm sure he'll find plenty of ways to torture him/her, no matter what his visual skills are like! :)

You sound like a wonderful mother. When to have #2 is a
very personal decision. My feeling is, you will know
when the time is right." Go with your gut. Good luck.

Hi L., I have a 2 1/2 year old son with CHARGE syndrome. In addition to a feeding tube and MANY medical challenges he is also legally blind. He has an upper visial field loss, no peripheral vision, and a visual acuity of 20/400, not correctable.

We struggled with the decision of when to have another child. We knew we wanted a large family and didn't want to wait too long. We had also planned on our kids being two years apart but felt with so many hospitalizations and surgeries as well as 9 therapy sessions a week and 32 specialists we needed to get things settled.

It got to the point where we knew that our son was going to be isolated in this society because of his disabilities. We did not want him to also be isolated in age within our family. He deserves to have loving siblings that will care for and protect him. We are now 6 months pregnant with our second. We know we have a lot to deal with with our son but that will probably never change. We can either bring a child into the world in the middle of this chaos or we can never have another child.

It is a personal decision for every family. Having a second child just felt right for us. Just think about what you want your family to look like and weigh that against what you feel is right for your son. Personally, I am glad we are having this baby in a few months. Our son is young enough that there won't be major jealousy issues but old enough to realize there is something different with mommy's tummy and can give the baby kisses. It will be an adjustment for our whole family when this one comes along. It is for any family.

L.,

Really this decision is up to you and your husband. Just wanted to say that mine are 2 years 10 months apart (daughter born June 2008) and just recently (within the past month, younger one is now 8 months old) my older one has started taking a liking to my younger one. I think he was not sure what to think or make of her until now. Also about 3 months before she was born he started to go through the terrible 2s (which for him started at 2 1/2) and they carried over almost until 3 1/2 years (I think because of her arrival). I acknowledge that at 3 kids can comprehend alot, but they still don't understand alot too. And they are still little and need and want alot of attention. I don't regret having a second child but I do wonder if I waited one more year if things would have been alittle different/easier. Good luck.

I don't have experience with impairments of any sort, but my thinking is that 3 years would be best in this case. At 3 a child comprehends so much. You'll be more easily able to tell your son how to touch baby, and what to do, and what not to do. Verbal communication is the best tool you have, so I just think it's best to wait for another baby until your son can understand you very well. Good luck. :)

Hi L.,
You really need to do what's right for you. Age 2 or age 3 may not be perfect either way. Is your son's condition going to improve in that year? Will it actually be any easier for you, if your concern is your son's disability, to have another baby at 3 than at 2, or will it really make no difference? I would think carefully about what you are expecting to gain by waiting an extra year, and deciding if waiting will actually get you what you are looking for. No one can answer that but you. The decision on how to space children is a very personal one. I chose a 4 year spacing and it has been perfect for us.
Good luck!

Hey L.,

I think you and your hubby are going to be the only ones capable of making that decision. I would think it would all depend on where your son is as far as his needs, therapy, etc. Basically I would think the perfect time is when he has become somewhat independent and able to get around without your constant assistance. As for you I would see when you feel able to handle a pregnancy, and how tired you may become,and when you are up to caring for two children. I am sure when the time comes you will know when it is best. My kids are 4 years apart and are very close as adults. So don't rush yourself just take each day as it comes. A close family is not always determined by how far apart they are spaced out. You sound like a great mom and will always do what is best for her family. Good luck!!!

You & your husband should give yourselves a round of applause for all that you have endured and you know what, just listening to your posting I can honestly tell you that you seem to have a very uplifting attitude regarding your son. My girls are almost 6 yrs apart and we waited longer then we wanted to because I was having some issues w/my medication to treat my bipolar & was also having problems w/my diabetes, but we finally got to a point that we realized that we wanted another child and put the rest of it in the hands of God. I'm not going to roll down the aisle or anything, but I think that when you have a child who requires more of you then some that your faith & hope grow much stronger and this will take you anywhere. My 1st daughter was was born 3 weeks after my mom died and instead of knocking me to the ground, Samantha was my reason to live. I'm sure there are times that you look at your son and just think about what a great little person he is. If you waited for the right time in life, I think that we can all pretty much agree that it never comes. You and your husband need to just think about when you think the time would be right and I'm sure the rest will all fall into place. Although your son may not be able to do everything some children may be able to do, but I'm sure there will be so much he will be able to share with a little brother or sister. Good luck!

L.,

Totally off the beaten path - if you were to suddenly find yourself pregnant, you wouldn't do anything different if baby #2 were 1 year or 3 years apart.

You don't know what the future will bring 100%. Go with what feels right, and don't try to think it through to the end.

Good luck!
M.

One thing to think about with your next pregnancy - eat foods rich in Vitamin A, and/or supplement. You may find the Weston A. Price website helpful.

I would go for the further spacing of the children, too.

Good luck!

L.,
Treat your son as a normal child not one with disabilities. I have a friend who is hearing impaired and she is also my son's 7th grade science teacher. Yes she lip reads and has a cochlear implant and can hear some things, but she is so intelligent and I wouldn't trade her for any other teacher or friend in the world.

As for when to have another child, I think having them 2 years apart is wonderful no matter what. The kids will be close enough in age to do things together and your younger child can help out the other one and vise versa. My oldest is 16 years older than my youngest and they are extremely close. The 3 older ones are 2 1/2 and 2 years apart, then I have a 8 year gap between my 3rd and 4th and 2 years between the 4th and 5th child. Also my daughter is the oldest and the only girl and let me tell you she had a lot of disabilities growing up and has compensated for them.

Hugs,
T.