1St Grader Help!

Hi J.

"I don't care" should be translated to actually mean "mom - I'm a bit overwhelmed. I can't seem to get it right and I have no idea what to do. I'm really frustrated. Could you help me?"
"I don't care" and "so what" are actually defense mechanisms because she doesn't feel like she CAN.

I typically don't re-punish (especially for small infractions like this - I know they seem big now, but really they're not). so she's already in trouble at school.... now she's punished at home? So, I would stop that. Instead of punishing her, you should be having conversations with her about solving these problems, not just taking things away. She is old enough to be answering for WHY she didn't finish her work. Then have HER come up with solutions of what she SHOULD have done instead. Then tomorrow reward her with "good job" if she follows through with her back up plan.

Similarly - I don't do reward charts for school stuff either - her 'reward' is that she learned the material and got a grade. She needs to learn the value of being proud of herself for doing good work, not getting a sticker on a chart or money.

I think the gifted program will help - is it a pull out program or does she go into a different class with all gifted students? She may be bored in some areas, but not as advanced in others? That's typically the definition of 'gifted'... it's "unbalanced" learning within one child. They will also teach differently which should help with her being easily distracted.

what you can be doing to get her out of the "I don't cares" is that you and she should be doing things that make her feel GOOD about herself. Do things that she can do successfully so that you build up her self-esteem. Ride bikes, take a pottery class together, plant a garden - whatever. Just don't double whammy her - then she feels like she's no good at school AND no good at home.

Just my $0.02

To me, the "I don't cares" are indicators of internal stuff. I'd try as much as possible to ask open ended questions that focus on her experience and how she feels about it. If she has trouble expressing with words, maybe she can draw a picture of what it's like to be at school.

She needs more guidance and less consequences. She knows the behavior is wrong but she can't stop it, because she doesn't know how, doesn't have alternatives. Talk and really listen to her.

Well my initial thought was maybe she is having trouble staying focused and maybe she needs help in that area. I know my nephew was always getting told he had a hard time staying focused and/or organized. It wasn't until half way through last year, my SIL had him tested for ADD. He started meds and has done a complete turn around.

But being that your daughter was just excepted in the gifted program maybe that really is her issue.

Leave the discipline for not doing her work at school up to the teacher. Don't punish her at home for this. That's like a double punishment for something you are getting second hand from the teacher. I'm not saying it doesn't happen but since you are not sitting in the classroom watching it then you need to leave the correction part to the instructors.

Instead go over the papers that are being sent home in a fun way so you know your daughter actually knows how to do the work. If there's homework do 1 subject and then take a short break before doing the next.

Maybe it IS becuz' she is way over what they are doing & is 'bored' maybe not, maybe there are things going on that you aren't aware of, sounds like perhaps some 'red flags'...check out her playpals, sit her down & let her know she can talk to you about ANYTHING...you just never know sometimes... on the other hand if it is just her being stubborn (which we all can be!) when she brings things home unfinished sit down with her & do them...even if she doesn't like having to do it, this might teach her to get it done so she doesn't have to spend time that she could otherwise be having fun...have her sit on the computer & do learning programs & you will be better able to judge her competentcy(sp)...when all else fails I say it's time to talk to a counselor...best to you both in a difficult time.

My heart goes out to you, she might be bored as you is probably gifted...

I have a son who is the same way. He just doesn't worry about that stuff. I don't think he is bored in class just distracted because he is already thinking about something else. He is also in the gifted class. Last year's teacher was "old school" and saw it as more of a self discipline and attitude problem. His teacher this year is great! She sat him in a group table close to the front of the the room so she can get his attention by saying his name, tapping his shoulder and also by complimenting him on his work and participation and it seems to be working. He is participating even more in class instead of being a "space cadet". So maybe it is time for your daughter's teacher to do a little proactive things that are easy and pleasant sounding in class first and see how that works. Getting in trouble after the act as happened means nothing. So talking about it at home when the moment is over is not working. Doesn't work for my son either. I just get the shrug. A lot. I do think class might move too slowly for kids like them. Not boring just too slow. One teacher would let my son doodle but the "old school" teacher would not let him. This years teacher has lengths of pool noodles for each child( in their desks) to roll under their feet. The rule is it has to stay under their feet or in their desks. First time I have ever seen this. Good luck with a solution.

Talk to her teacher. The three of you - daughter, mother, teacher - need to be on the same team.

"I don't care," at six or at sixteen (or at sixty-six), often means, "I'm really burdened by this and I have no idea what to do and I don't even know how to talk about it."

To me, this doesn't sound like a disobedience problem - that is, as if she were opening a door when her mama has told her to close it. That's why I suggest you talk to the teacher. If the teacher doesn't know what to do, that's another problem!