Seeking Advice on 3Rd Grade's Behavior

Hi There. You are certainly not the first parent I have heard who has gotten a note like this, but that doesn't make your situation less frustrating to deal with.
Sounds like you have a smart, lively, fun loving little boy.
My name is M., and I am a therapist that works with kids and families in Denver.
Here are some tips I give parents that are in similar situations:
1. When the teacher notices that your son in talking, ask the teacher to just walk by, and tap your son on the shoulder or on his desk as a little reminder to focus on his work (this keeps him from feeling embarassed by the teacher verbally redirecting him). Of course, you will need to prep both the teacher and your son about the tap and what it means.
2. another thing to try is have your son have a card on his desk that is green on one side and red on the other. When he is on task, the teacher keeps the card on green, when your son is not on task, the teacher just flips the card to red. (for similar reasons as one).
3. For walking down the hall, kids tend to do better if they are in front of the line and have a "job", like leading the class to the music room, or counting the number of steps between the class room and the play ground. This keeps him focused on where he is going and may help him be less distracted by the environment.

I don't want to overload with things to think about, but if you are interested here are some questions to consider as well:

1. Is he getting enough exercise? Sometimes kids with lots of energy have trouble sitting still in school. After school Karate or soccer can really help.
2. Is he being challenged enough at school? Bored kids tend to talk more with students and find it hard to stay focused. There is a great book called "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller that might be helpful.
3. Does he understand what the teacher is teaching? Sometimes kids will say they are bored when they don't understand and don't want to seem "stupid".
4. Does your son have trouble keeping track of things, being organized, remembering to turn in his homework?
Does he tend to interupt people?
Is it hard for him to keep friends?
Does he tend to lose things, that parts of games, his pencil, or homework?

If you answered yes to these questions in 4, your son may have some attention issues. Obviously I don't even know you or your son, so I am not suggesting that he has it, but just wanted to give you another perspective to consider. If you think that might be going on, your teacher and/or the school psychologist could help sort that out.

Good luck with this, and I hope some of this was helpful.
Please let me know if you have any other questions.
take care
M.
Twitter: DrRiss

Renee,

Hi! I'm a fourth grade teacher, and there are a few things that come to mind. First, it could be simply that he is bored. How does he do academically? Do things seem to come easily to him? He may just be grasping material quickly, gets bored, and decides to talk.

My second thought would be towards an attention issue, which based on what you wrote, I'm more inclined to lean toward. I have found that students who may blurt things during class and have difficulty walking down that hall have impulse control issues. Do you notice any of this at home? Does he tend to act, then think? Has he had any of these difficulties in any previous grade levels? How is his focus on task at home or homework? Do you find that you have to frequently remind him to continue working? If most of these answers are yes, I would talk with your pediatrician about some of these behaviors. Now I'm not trying to "diagnose" your son, and I'm sure there's a lot more to it, but based on what you've written here, if I saw these behaviors in my classroom, I would work with this child like he has ADHD. Again, this is only based on what you wrote, but as a teacher, that would be my first guess.

Listen to him about being bored and get him tested to see if he belongs in a gifted program. Also, does your son's school have recess? You can't ask a kid to sit still all day long. It's not healthy, nor is it age-appropriate developmentally. The walking down the hall complaint is silliness on the part of the school. If it's only occasional behavior, that's called being a kid.

You don't give lots of other info on your son, but if he claims he is bored, that might be the issue! My son is a gifted student, but they didn't start pulling him out of class for special sessions until this year in fourth grade. We were fortunate that his 3rd grade teacher was able to give him extra things to do and tailor projects to his learning level, but he too was often bored in school and also talked and chatted with his friends a lot.

First off, don't think this means your kid is being 'bad'. He needs to follow the rules, but you need to talk with him about this without making it about being bad or punishing him. Talk to him seriously about how the rules are not just for him, but so OTHER kids can pay attention too.

Seriously, my son is very well behaved and polite, but sometimes in school he is just functioning in his own little world, lol.

It was actually worse in 3rd grade than this year- because this year there is more science and social studies and he leaves class for band and for his special gifted classes. He wasn't bored so he paid more attention.

That was my experience, but I know from talking with lots of other moms I know that 3rd grade boys are just full of energy and some of them are real chatterboxes. Keep reminding him of the rules and that he needs to pay attention. I bet in some ways he will grow out of it and he may do better when he has more to occupy him and isn't bored!

I would seek more specific information from your child's teacher. When exactly, and how many times each morning is your child blurting out? Your teacher should be keeping track of this, as well as the chatting with classmates to see if there are any patterns or trends. In addition, I would ask what interventions she is using with him. She should be doing something proactive and productive. This could mean setting up an incentive chart or plan for him to reward him for positive behavior so that he doesn't become known as the kid who interrupts. I also think the school social worker should be involved. I'm concerned about what "bored" really means-is it academic? Are there friend issues? "Bored" can mean many things and is often used by kids as a catch-all phrase when they are not fully happy with school or with something else. Don't assume that he means "bored" in the usual, adult-defined way. Finally, I second the comment about contacting your physician to see what he or she can do. I would ask your physician about being referred to a social worker for intervention outside of school, as well or what interventions you could use at home.

If this is the second letter home, I would probably speak to the teacher. As a teacher (before I had children and can't wait to go back), I also informed my parents that this is a "team effort" I need your help. I would ask the teacher when does your son act out. Yes, I kind of feel he might be bored and it so hard these days because I personally feel the class sizes are way to large...but that is another story. He might need to be challenged someway. Like I said if this is the second notice I would personally speak with the teacher. You want the best for your child!

I think the teacher is over reacting. He talks? He isn't always orderly in the hallway - my gosh! It sounds like he's acting like a kid.
I would call teacher and ask for parent teacher conference. I would want to know what the purpose of the note is and is this note a part of his permanent record? What are the discipline codes in the school and are they appropriate for a third grader.
After that, I would have a meeting with teacher, student and mom. Sometimes teachers get stressed out and little things become big things but if you are all in the same room - he can have his say too.

Hi Renee, I understand your frustration. If your child is behaving well at home and academicaly doing well he is bored at school. 3-4th grades is when they starting to "dumb down" the curriculum and bright kids are getting bored out of their minds because schools are full of academicaly unprepaired children and the teachers waisting their time to pull the below average performers to the passing level. I had the same problem with my son, we started working extra with him, he aced all the tests got into IB program and never complained of being bored again because he was adequately challenged.
Do what is best for your kid. Good luck.