19Month Old and Tantrums!

You may want to get a book on child development for a toddler.. It will give you lots of tips on how to deal with a toddler.

Children throw tantrums because they cannot communicate their feeling wants and needs. They also do not always know why they are throwing the tantrum, they just know they are frustrated, but do not know how to express it..
It is our job to help them figure it out, and teach them the words that match their needs. It also helps to not put them in situations where we know they will become frustrated and agitated.

"When we go to a place to eat he will be fine and happy and then BAM! he is screaming at the top of his longs and crying and nothing settles him down."
A 19 month old only has an attention span of about 2 minutes. Going out to eat is fine as long as he is fed and is able to be entertained and distracted every 2 minutes.. This is why you see parents of toddlers, taking their children to "family restaurants".. You can have toys to distract, you may have to go outside every 15 minutes and let him walk around or play in the play area. He is not meant to sit for an hour quietly. Or there is always take out till he is a little older..

After he has eaten, he will need to time to run around. Children can sit for only so long and this includes home.. Sitting in a high chair takes a lot of work on a parents part to keep the child eating, drinking and entertained.. Yes, eventually they will be able to sit in that chair for the whole meal, but not an active 19 month old, unless you and your husband can keep him from getting bored..

A child does not understand that just because he wants to play outside, you can't drop everything and take him outside. Or that he wants your attention every 5 minutes, but you cannot always give it to him. You can distract, engage and help him express what you think he is feeling.

When he starts to lose it, look at him and say, "You look frustrated". "Come here and look at these blocks." Then get him started on whatever activity you are trying to get him involved in . He may want a hug, he may want to show you something. It helps if you can take the time to figure out what he is trying to tell you.

"I know you are angry, because I will not let you climb on the sofa. We keep our feet on the floor."

"You look like you need a snack. Do you want cheerios, or grapes?"
"You look tired, Do you want me to hold you while I read a book, or do you want to sit next to me while I read the book. "

"You look scared of the dog, do you want me to hold you?"

When he throws a tantrum, step over him and walk away. EVERYTIME.
Go into your room if you have to. He will learn that throwing a tantrum does not get him what he wants. This is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. It goes against what we think our children need. He may bang his head, kick his feet pound his fist, but he will not hurt himself if he is left in the middle of the floor.

If you are going out in public, make sure he is not tired, hungry or in need of active play. That just sets him up to fail with his behavior.. It is better to go to the grocery store in the morning after he has been fed and had time to actively run around.. Then grab a sippy cup of juice and some snacks and get those groceries purchased as fast as possible.. Engage him at the store. ask him lots of Questions.. IF he throws a fit and you cannot distract him or get him to calm down. LEAVE. He will learn very quickly that, you are not allowing this behavior any longer.

Our daughter once had a fit while we were giving her a bath.. She was crying and screaming. I told her, "We do not stand up in the tub. We sit on our bottom in the tub". She cried and cried. I left the bathroom,.. kept an eye on her though and let her whine, cry and moan.. It lasted more than 30 minutes.. We actually recorded it.. (my husband calls it natural birth control, hee, hee). She never threw a fit in the tub again.
I am sending you patience and strength. You and your husband have to do this together. It is hard, but if you do not nip this in the bud, you will end up with a 5 year old still throwing tantrums.

I have 7 girls and many of them went through this! I found when they hit right around 18-months they would go into these tantrums. A lot of it was they could not communicate what they wanted, a lot of it was they wanted what they wanted and that was that! Most times when we could (being at home) we would just walk away, soon as they realized this was not the way to get what they wanted they stopped! They do start up quickly and end quickly! Unfortunately, it gets very frustrating! I have noticed that with many the closer I got to giving birth (we are about to have our 8th) the more tantrums we would have! I think (just an opinion) that they feel like they are going to tossed aside for new baby. Just snuggle them as much as possible and don't push them away! My 2-year-old is going through this now and I make sure to snuggle her even more so she doesn't feel anxious. Hang in there, it will get better!

Men! <grin> Sounds like he has a different temperament than your girls. In toddlers and preschoolers, I could be playful and doing some type of slapstick humor (think 3 stooges) would help to bring my spirited son out of that.

Yes, it can start and stop quickly. Sometimes you can see it coming and dissolve it, other times I just let it run its course and thought of it as 'getting the yukkies out' or de-stressing. Just like their outsides are growing, kids' insides are developing. Their brain hasn't yet developed to control their emotion swings like adults can. Google "reptilian brain" and maybe "children" to read more about that.

Not sure if you have time, but there is a book and audio book called "Raising your Spirited Child" that really helped me. It had lots of insights and suggestions.

One last idea, if he is often over the top about his responses, please look into food sensitivities. Sometimes eliminating something like red dye or dairy works miracles. If you want to try this but don't know where to start, there is a yahoo group called foodlab with many helpful members who have been there and done this and can help you along the way. It may be tough to change eating styles, but your boy's temperament may well be worth the effort. Plus, perhaps other members of the family would benefit though to a lesser degree.

Best wishes on the arrival of your new family member!!!

I agree with some of the other responses, that he is probably not communicating whatever is triggering the episodes. Maybe it's something he hears, or something he sees that reminds him of whatever that triggers it. It could be something stressful from hours before. Just like adults, constant stress on children just causes them to snap at no particular time, for no particular reason. It sounds like you are already about to be overwhelmed with a new baby.. but in a perfect world you might:
Spend a few days, checking in with him few hours and asking him if everything is ok - even if he's acting content. Ask specifically if he had any problems or something that made him sad in the past hour or two each time. If the child is in school, relatives, or daycare, that includes coming to visit them at those places every few hours (if possible) for a few days. Children quickly forget and move on, and they have no sense of time.
You would think that a child can tell you when something is making them sad, angry, or frustrated but they are naive, not self-conscious, and have a very short attention span (including memory). Even terribly serious things that happen to children, they don't go tell an adult or talk about.
It could be something simple, like their shoes bother them when they try to run or a tooth aches (but not painful enough to yield full attention) yet they never consider mentioning it. It could even just be words, something the children tease each other about that is not an immediate problem worth mentioning but over time causes stress.
The important thing is just to focus for a few days, be overly inquisitive for those few days, and find out what is really bothering them.

Hi S.
Try to be strict and strong with him when he is throwing a tantrum.Try to recognise the early signs and nip it before it gets out of hand.I use a bold corner or naughty step with my three year old(v little because he knows I will follow through).Whatever you do dont give in to him or show him that he is upsetting you.Try to stay calm and in control.You can have your melt down when he is out of sight .
Children need to have boundaries and see that you are the boss.They will respect you in the long run.
Then you have room to give him all the love and attention that he needs.
Best of luck with new baby x

Not trying to be all up in your business but were you induced with your son? If so that would explain a lot.