19 Month Old Is Hitting---any Suggestions That Work??

Hey S.,

I am not by any means a believer in hitting a child as a form of discipline. And like you without the hitting I was raised by a very strict father. I am a firm believer in consistency and consequences. Even though she may be frustrated at times with language, tired, or hungry etc. that is still not an excuse to hit anyone especially mommy. So I suggest this is not a situation for understanding and listening you must get a handle on this behavior before it gets worse. I would simply when she does hit say to her a very firm "NO" and put her into a two minute time out. When the two minutes are up you explain to her that she can not hit, give her a hug and move on. If she refuses to stay in time out just keep putting her back until she stays. I think sometimes as parents especially when we are raised by very strict parents we tend to go soft on our kids because we remember how bad we felt when disciplined as a child. However, we have to be somewhere in the middle we can't be their friends we have to guide them, and discipline them. If not they will turn into out of control teens and that is something I am sure no one wants to happen. If we can't control our children at two we will never be able to control them at 12. I would just continue to be the loving and understanding mom you are. However when it comes to misbehaving stay firm and be consistent and you will see a tremendous difference in her behavior. The only way she will learn right from wrong is from you and her daddy. Good luck!!!

What worked really well for us what teaching her what she SHOULD do with her hands. Whenever my daughter starts poking the dog in the eye or pulling my hair I tell her, "Gentle, please" and we practice gentle strokes. We started this out of necessity when she was much younger, but I'll tell you, it works wonders.

Also, be sure that she is getting lots of sleep and down time if she needs it. When my daughter was throwing tantrums, I simply put her in her crib for a "nap", and sometimes she did sleep, and sometimes she just chilled, but she was always fine when she came out. (at this age, a time out may be more appropriate, because we used the crib when my daughter was about 13 mo.)

I am sorry, that sounds very frustrating. I felt similar when my son went through a longish hitting phase. I know all kids are different, but I'd offer this advice. Make sure you:
- respond consistently.. give your chosen approach sufficient time (2-3 weeks maybe?)
- explain your job as a mommy is to keep everyone in the family safe and to help her learn to express her feelings in an acceptable way
- communicate that hitting is unacceptable and maybe hold her to help her calm down (I thought holding woudl be too pampering and a time out was enough. In retrospect, I may not have sufficiently supported my son in helping learn the skills to calm himself)
- remain calm do not shout (this adds fuel to the fire)
- be aware of your needs (safety first)
- contemplate her needs (is she upset due to frustration, hunger, tired, not enough quality time with adults)
- make sure you are reprimanding a specific behavior not who she is as a person

Good luck!

I realize every child is different, but when my 18 month old son does the hitting thing (he is usually tired when he throws tantrums), I very simply grab his hands and say in a firm voice "NO hitting". I dont' yell just very firm and he usually stops right away. Then I just explain simply hitting isn't nice.

Best of luck with your little one!