19 Mo. Old Prefers Only mom/Wanting to Wean from Night Time Breastfeeding

I, too, used Dr. Jay Gordon's approach. It worked for us when my son was about 20 months. Good luck!!

My son now 23 mo recently went through the exact same only wanting mommy stuff. He started crying and throwing fits when I dropped him at daycare which he never did before and would not even got to his dad too. GOOD NEWS-that phase is over!!!
It seems like it lasted about 6 weeks. hang in there. It is just that age and new awareness.

Do not go cold turkey with the weaning if you can avoid it. Abrupt weaning can bring on clogged ducts and mastitis not to mention it can be too much change at one time for a little one. (I got a clogged duct 6 months after gradual weaning so it can happen even then).

The best method I've found and used is the Jay Gordon method. Very gentle and it works.

Here are some articles / info that helped me.
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning-night.html

At night when he is following you around wanting held, he is probably tired he assocaites the tiredness with nursing and going to sleep therefore he wants MOM!!! Even at 19 months you said he is really smart and wont take substitutes, well he is REALLY smart because he is controlling you and setting the ground work for always getting his way. Like one poster said, Crying never hurt a child. If he knows he will get picked up when he cries yes he is going to cry. Wean his as soon as you can. You are not hurting him or doing any kind of mental damage to him.
As for your husband, getting his feelings hurt I can understand that. I was home by myself at night for 5 yrs with my son, it took alot for him to go to dad with little things like he did me, or when he was hurt, or when he needed comforted. But I think once your son is not associating the nursing and cuddle with only you he will be more open to dad. Good Luck!

If you do decide to wean him, I'd suggest making the next few weeks of afternoons as connected and easy as possible. Use the crockpot in the morning; order take-out; pre-make sandwiches or meals the night before, make a pot of soup or pasta salad that can be spruced up throughout the week. And then you can spend the "clingy time" holding, reading, or playing with your child. My guess is that once he gets his mommy-time needs filled, weaning at night might be easier on both of you. I think the late afternoon is generally a high-needs time for many children (and adults!). The shift in daddy-attention will come with time. I suggest reassuring your husband that your child's behavior is not about him but about the child's needs right now. It sounds like you are the primary attachment figure so when your child is feeling less secure or in need of contact, he wants you. Smart kid in my opinion ;)

When I nightweaned, I had a special sippy cup that had some glow-in-the-dark tape or stickers on it. When he'd want to nurse, I'd just offer the water. My son was always a big night-nurser. I think it was how he processed the day.

I suggest going with what feels gentle and easy for you -- what would be a pleasant way to spend the afternoons and evenings for you? Less stress around mealtime, more time to play with your son, some alone time while hubby takes your son out to play? I think little changes can sometimes make big shifts in our perspectives of our children's behaviors and needs. And you might find that your son responds as well.

I agree completely with husband removing him from your presence. It is normal for him to prefer you so when Daddy gets home make it a big and exciting event quickly followed with a Dad and son activity somewhere other than where you are. When it is nice out playing outside is great. He will do better if you are not right there and he is being kept from you or not given your attention. As far as the weaning my son was 18 months when I weaned him. It was causing me to have contractions and I was only 25 weeks so I had to stop in an instant. No planning it out or anything. The hardest part was bedtime and I will not try to pretend it was easy. What worked best was my husband completely took over bedtime routine. I work from home so this actually worked fantastic for me because it gave me much needed alone time to get things done. It was hard on everyone for a couple of weeks but it eventually became our new routine and my son actually became more attached to Daddy than he has ever been before. At 7:30 my son and husband would tell me bye bye and I would "leave" (I went to our home office). Then Daddy would give him a bath, brush teeth, PJs, read stories and they would go to bed (When we started we were still co sleeping which we are in the process of transitioning to his room now). We always put him to bed with a sippy cup of water because he does wake up thirsty at night. Drinks then goes back to bed. Now he is very used to bedtime being a him and Daddy time. I can wait until later to tell him goodbye/goodnight. He is now transitioning to sleeping in his room so it has been a little rough lately but was working beautifully before the transition. Also when he would wake up at night I would tell him "oh no ba-bas all gone but I have some water". This did not go over well first couple of days so I slept in guest room for a week and my husband would be there when he woke at night. After a week I came back and that is when the all gone worked. My son was in love with nursing. He still occationally asks for it (a couple months later) and I tell him it is all gone. I am hoping it is not too hard for him when little sister comes and is nursing. Now that he is weaned I miss nursing but I am deffinitely glad we weaned him.

I went through something similar with my daughter at that age. I decided not to wean her, because she seemed to really enjoy the connection and it didn't really bother me to continue the nursing. But, what we did do was come up with a set schedule for evenings with specific duties for both Mom and Dad to keep her busy. We would have dinner all together, then Dad took over with the bath and storytime. He put her in bed and I would come and give her some nursing time - usually only about 5 minutes on each side. When we stopped she was still awake, so I would sing to her for a few more minutes and rub her back. Keeping the schedule consistent really helped her to feel secure. I have never regreted not weaning her, because it helped through some other changes and illnesses we had.

-K.

Both of my boys were like this until they weaned.. at 2.. and a half. If you're ready to be done with it, (IME), you're just going to have to accept that it is going to be ROUGH going for the next month or so. If you don't pick him up, he's going to stop reaching and whining after a week at the most. If you sometimes pick him up, he will reach and whine twice as long as if you ALWAYS do it... know what I mean? It's Pavlov's theory at its' finest.

Once you're no longer an all you can eat buffet with unlimited patience, your husband's cuddle factor will go up exponentially - again, at least IME. Be prepared, though - I'm still my 5 year old's favorite person. Hubby is the 2 year old's favorite now.

He was talking about taking the five year old camping alone - but then he wasn't sure if he'd go without me. LOL He'll go without, or he won't go. :)

S.

Hi, S.! Are you sure he's feeling okay? My son got ear infections without fever, and that's how he would act; very clingy and sobbing and wanting to nurse and be held all the time. I hope he's okay.

I can't help with the weaning- my daughter was weaned at 12 months and has only used sippy cups since, however I have the same issue with her wanting only me. It seems to help if I get out of sight. Let dad put him to bed so they can have a chance to bond- and before your son even starts to fuss for you get away! Take a bath, go for a walk- be quiet so he isn't reminded that you are in the house if you stay. Also have your husband take your son to the playground or out back- ANYPLACE else so you can cook dinner (1- your son needs to learn to let other people care for him, 2- it is very unsafe to cook with him in there with you).

My advice for weaning would be to just quit soon as possible cold turkey... the longer you wait the harder it'll be. The day after my daughter's birthday we quit and I was lucky enough to have minimal problems at that age. Also, at 19 months it's probably too late to start a pacifier (my daughter is 17 months and I am about to try and get rid of her pacifiers to proteact her beautiful teeth). It isn't too late to get him attached to a blankie or stuffed animal though.

It will not stop until you wean him. also unless you are strong, it will not change. Crying never hurt anyone. Let your husband put him to bed at night. Lay him on his bed, kiss him good night and walk out of the room. He will cry and scream but that would just get him tired. It might take an hour of him getting out of the bed and you would just put him right back and not say a word. Eventually he will go to sleep. Without rocking and only with a pacifier.
Being firm does not mean being mean. it would make your life easier.

We all spoil our first born a little more than our other kids. However if your ready to ween him then ween him! He also needs to be able to fall asleep on his own, in his own bed! He's too old for a pacifier and to be rocked like an infant. He's running the house instead of you, the parents. You are going to have to go throught a few, if not several, days of hell to get this mess fixed!

It is perfectly normal for your son to want you at this age. Tell your husband he will just have to find a way to deal with his feelings. Maybe you all should try and do more together as a family in the evenings, so your son can have time with you both. Forget cooking dinner for a while-order pizza. As far as weaning him-leave for a little while each evening and let Dad put him to bed. Go for a drive or visit a neighbor. It'll be good for you to have some alone time and good for Dad and son to be together. My husband puts our 14 month old to sleep every night since he works all day and they don't have a lot of time together. Maybe your husband could start giving him his bath in the evenings, too. Ever since my husband began this with our boys, they have really been close. Good luck with everything!!

If I'm trying to cook dinner and I ask hubby to watch my daughter (20 months), he will take her outside for a walk in the stroller or go into our room with the door shut and play with toys. As long as she sees me, she expects me to hold her. If she doesn't see you, she will start focusing more on what daddy is doing with her.

With nursing, I too was nursing at night and was ready to stop. She was about 15 months. I would say "bah" which meant no more to her and me. And then head straight to the fridge and let her take a sip of water. I might have to do it several times the first night. If she tried to reach for me, I'd say bah and head to the fridge again and say "want a drink?". I guess she realized after a while I'm not getting anything but water and eventually she stopped trying to nurse. It takes patience.

Been there, done that, only about 17 years ago. It is a phase and it will go away. I wean both boys at 19 months and most of the reason I could was I stopped being ambivilent about it. I decided it was time for him and me. And believe me there are bigger problems ahead. I was a tenderhearted mother too, with a VERY smart child. I had to stay ahead of him all the time or he would rule the roost! (read: Dr. Dobson's The Strong Willed Child) I had to make up my mind first then find a way that would work for us. I ended up reading books to him (I went to the library to get a good supply) and I read and read till he was so sleepy he couldn't keep his eyes open. He would fuss a bit but I was not going to be swayed. I would lay on the bed with him and we would go to sleep together. It really didn't take but a couple weeks and he had a new routine.
Good Luck and God Bless!

I think if you stop breastfeeding you will have correction with the constant desire to be with you. I was in your shoes until at 13 months my little one got curious and took one BIG BITE!! OUCH! That was the last time I breastfed. Now I bottle feed him in my lap, If I am wearing silk/satin pajama pants he rubs his hands on them and then we put him to bed. He may fight it the first few nights, but you need to be strong and not run in every 5 minutes. Check on him at 5 min, then 10 min, then 20 min... Go in there, say nothing, make sure he's not hung on the crib and then leave. He will learn to go to sleep on his own. Now my little guy (15 months) will roll over in his crib and go right to sleep. You need to show him you are in control... Also a crib mirror works great. Mine always has a friend in his crib with him because he finds comfort looking in the mirror.
Good Luck!

I weaned my son at 20 months. He's a pretty smart cookie too. All I did was tell him that mama's milk was all gone. There was no more, but he could have water in his cup. It took about two weeks, then he started telling me that the milk was all gone.

I always let my son cry while I was cooking, cleaning, etc. So he learned early to entertain himself until I was done. I don't know what to tell you about the other problems except stick to your guns and do what you need to do. The daddy phase will pass. I'm guessing that he is tired in the evenings. All kids have that 4-6 slump, where they really need a little nap, but it'll throw off bed time.

Girl, I remember the days. My boys were 22 months and 20 months (oldest to youngest) when I weaned them - and it wasn't pretty. At those ages, and even at 19 months, they understand the word "no" or "all gone". And that's what I told them - "Num-num is all gone." Yeah, they cried and were miserable for about a week or two, but after that they quickly forgot about it. Really. And as far as the Daddy thing - good luck. My boys are 6 and 4 and they still prefer me to Daddy most of the time. Enjoy it 'cause it'll change too soon. My husband takes the boys for 'Boys day out' ever-so-often (couple times a month or more) where it's just him and the boys. It gives me some 'me-time' too. Enjoy your family - don't sweat the small stuff!

Concerning the second part of your question, at bedtime leave the house and take a walk while your husband puts your child to bed. This will allow your husband "bonding" time, give you an opportunity to exercise, and wean your child. This is what worked for us with our son, becasue our son knew if I was still in the house.

Rest assured that the rest of us have clingy toddlers too. My husband is looking forward to the day when all of our meals are not sandwiches for from the crockpot..... It is very difficult to do anything with a toddler around...I concur! Hang in there, do a lot of cuddling, and know that this too shall pass!

While you are weaning him find another way to comfort him. I don't have much advice here. I just know that in six months all of this will be very different. They truly change so dramatically in that short period of time.

Hang in there!!!

He probably wants you of an evening if you have been at work all day, and espically if he knows he will get nursed. He may cry a bit,but tell him "all gone", and go ahead and rock him and try the pacifier again. When you first get home from work if you gave him just 10 minutes of your time, like a story or a little game, he may be satisfied with that attention and go on and play while you got a meal, or if he is like my kids, he is hungry, so whines while I'm fixing supper, so if there is something healty you could let him nibble on while cooking that may help. I hesitate to say give him a bottle at bed time, as soon you'll have to wean him from that, but just a bedtime only may help with the transition.

My toddler just got out of this phase and was intensified with just having a new baby. My little girl screamed and cried every time I left a room. Plus, she only wanted me when I was in the room; pushed my hubby away as well. I assumed she thought that I was leaving for a few days again. I hear boys are even more of a "mamas kid". Anyway, it has now passed (she is turning 21 months next week). I really didn't do anything other than asssure my husband that this was a phase and he will get his turn. Even though she did not want a kiss from Daddy, I encouraged him that she may say that she does not want one but she really does. And he would just kiss her on her head or say, "I love you." As far as my toddler, I just went about my business and tried my best not to cater to her every whim. You know, you just have to explain to them that you are cooking dinner right now, or whatever. Mine would stop crying eventually. As far the breastfeeding, I only nursed until she was 6 months. I think this age (19 months) might be a little different b/c they are more aware. Good for you for nursing for so long! Good luck!!

My youngest son was the exact same way and still is to a certaing extent but it does get better as they get a little older and then you'll actually miss him wanting you all the time. I know that's probably hard to believe right now but its true. As far as the other issue I'm not sure what to tell you I'm not a fan of letting a kid suck a bottle or cuppy or anything else to go to sleep because its bad for their teeth and it starts a habit, that I've learned from my best friend, is very difficult to break. Wish you luck.

My son was clingy like this at that age too. I was working at the time, so when we'd come home from the babysitters, he'd follow me, clinging and crying. I'm the kind of person who wants to come home, put my stuff up, check the mail, get all that boring stuff out and then have the rest of the afternoon (until it was time to cook dinner) to relax. I have a hard time relaxing or playing when stuff needs to be done. Eventually, I had to break myself of that. My son had been away from me all day and wanted me. So, as soon as we got home, I'd drop everything and either just cuddle him or play with him or something like that. Something that focused my attention on him 100% for maybe an hour. Then, eventually, I could get myself organized for the evening, check the mail, cook dinner, and he was content to just be near me at that point. I am not sure if that helps any, but good luck!

Hello,
I can perfectly understand how you feel, as I was in the same boat when my son was young. When you are working and he is away it is really natural for him to want Mommy. My son weaned at 20 months and for some reason boys just sometimes need that extra nurturing (go figure).. Love him, hold him and let him keep his pacifier. My son actually co-slept with us while he was weaning . I rolled over and he cried a little but finally would go to sleep without nursing. (I know experts don't always agree with co-sleeping, but it helped him get that extra nurturing that he needed) Dad may feel a little rejected right now, but believe me there is plently of time for dads when it is fun time!! My kids are now 15 and 13 and are well adjusted and healthy. Keep your chin up, times will get easier, don't try to do everything! It will get better. Have a girls night out at least once a month.

I read your post and thought, wow someone else with the same exact problem that I have. My 20 month old prefers me over dad. She is fine all day, until everyone gets home. Then she gets whiney if I get up and move or cook dinner. If dad tries to touch her or come close to her, she thinks that he will be taking her away from me. All I can tell ya is to continue to let your husband take the baby. You need to try and leave them alone starting with a little at a time. That is what I am having to do. I will go to the store by myself, or go somewhere without her. She is fine if she doesnt see me. It is getting a little bit better now. At bedtime, she only prefers me but I have him put her to bed....and then I will go up there if she starts to fuss and pat her back. She then falls asleep after that.

I cant help out with the breastfeeding issue, sorry. Hope my advice helped ya out, knowing that you arent the only one that is going through this problem.

Also, my daughter wont let any of my kids or husband hug me or touch me. Its kind of funny, but then again its annoying. We just ignore it!