19 Mo Old Choked at Church

Woah, how horrible and scary! How old was this kid, if you could guess? Was there a parent or another adult that he came there with? What about going to the police with a description?

I think that the fact your daughter wanted to continue to play is a sign that the event wasn't nearly as traumatic for her as it was for you and that's a good thing.
You don't mention the ages of the other kids, but the child who came to get you did the right thing in the circumstance. She knew to go get help and she did it quickly.
You should definitely let the organizer of the know what happened. It may or may not have been a child who regularly attends that church. I know a church in my area has events like this where the whole community is welcome. Either way, they should be aware of it so they can help keep a closer eye on the children who attend and whether or not those children have a parent helping to supervise, etc.
I would be upset if this happened to my child, for sure. Just don't dwell on what could have happened, because it didn't, and you should really praise the little girl who got help. You sound like the type of mom who wouldn't let your child out of your sight for more than a few seconds so you didn't do anything wrong.

Best wishes.

I'm so glad your little girl is (apparently) OK.
Of course you were scared and upset and overwhelmed.
I'm so glad a kid came to tell you.

The fact that DD wanted to go up again,
strongly suggests that the experience wasn't terribly damaging
to her physical or emotional wellbeing.

Regarding the kid you pulled off her,
talk to whoever was running the event.
Even if you can't describe the kid,
she or he needs to know that this was happening.
There can't have been that many kids there . . . .
process of elimination?

Let us know what happens next.

Well, don't worry about her health, she is fine otherwise she would have freaked and wouldnt have wanted to go back up the jungle gym, so put that part behind you.
This is also a lesson learned in 2 ways, 1) make sure you look at an offender and at least try to remember clothing color, hair color and any of the other basic essentials in case you need to report a physical description to cops. 2) don't let a toddler out of your sight EVER! Wake up calls that get your adrenaline flowing and your heart beating fast are not fun but they are totally necessary on occasion as we can become complacent at times.
Your post is awesome because it will remind all moms to make sure they can see their child while playing on playground equipment or even when they are playing in their room with other kids..... you just never know what some kids are capable of, even your own.
Good of you to post this.

How scary for you!!! This is not a kids will be kids situation. Pushing, shoving, etc. that stuff happens but laying on top of a 1 and 1/2 year old and choking her?!?!?! You did what any mother would do you made sure your baby was okay.

In hindsight there are a million things you will think of that you should have could have done, try not to drive yourself crazy with those kinds of things. Does the neighbors daughter know who this child was? That's really the only way you will be able to get to talk to these parents. Sorry I don't have more advice.

I'm glad your daughter is alright. Maybe find a new playplace until she is a little older and you can stop having flashbacks. :)

I would call the church and report the incident. At the least they should be made aware of the incident.

Would you want this person hurting another another child??

My child was choked at church preschool and the teacher had to pry the brat off of her. They NEED to know what happened. This boy hurt tons of kids and many of us switched preschools and churches to get away from him.
His parents were the major reason he got away with everything. It took years, until he got into a public school with zero tolerance, for him to stop.
He will continue to be a danger. I know you said you don't know which kid, but maybe the girl who told knows.

How scary! You did the right thing. Your first instinct is to protect your daughter, which you did! Of course you can't remember much about the child who did this, that was not your focus. Your daughter was the focus. I would think about letting whoever is responsible for this place know what happened. At least they can be aware. I am not sure you should try to describe the child since you can't really remember the details. You wouldn't want an innocent kid being suspected with such an incomplete memory on your part. It's normal for your brain to play the event over and over in your mind. The frequency of this should slowly get further and further apart with time. It's possible if other children saw this they were too stunned to react or had no idea what to do. Since your daughter wanted to go back up, it probably didn't affect her as much as you. Be careful to not let your reaction affect her response. She is little, she doesn't understand the ramifications or what could have happened.

Unfortunately some kids are raised badly and with brutal force, bad ideas, etc..., or have evil thoughts and actions. Adult murderers and criminals have to start out somehow. Also unfortunately hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps you should have found the mean kids mom and let her know, but your baby just got choked and you were reacting quickly.

Try not to focus on what could have happened, thatll drive you crazy, instead do what i do, when something bad happens or almost happens i tell myself that the chances of it happening again, is slim to none. for example My husband works on oil rigs, he had worked on that horizon one that blew up before. I tell myself in light of the tragedy that i doubt it will happen again, the odds are definitely against it.

it helps, really

Obviously that other child had an issue. Maybe he's been abused and needs someone to intervene. If you ever figure out who it was you could call CPS at a pay phone and not give your name. That other child needs help. I pray your child will get over this soon and can go on to love playing with others without having any long term effects.

That is soooo horrible!!! I'm pretty sure I'd have both nightmares and uncontrollable thoughts about what happened while awake. For another child to go after a 19 month old like that, especially the choking, might suggest he's been a witness to something similar (hopefully not from his parents!) and was maybe reenacting it?.

I like the idea to talk to the adult who runs the group. They need to know. First, because all the children there need to be safe and second, because maybe the offender in this case isn't safe in his own home. You didn't say how old he was, so I'm assuming he was a younger child of maybe preschool or early elementary school? Behavior like this with such a young child should be investigated beyond simply telling his parents in terms of having someone talk to him and find out why he's doing these things. (No, I don't mean formal investigation, just some form of inquiry from those who know him and his family).

As for your poor little girl, I'm so happy to hear she's ok...and that she got lots of love and reassurance from her mama! It's so scary to think we have to protect our kids from bullying at 19 months of age!

Best of luck processing this traumatic experience...you did everything you could at the time given the sheer panic you must have been feeling! You did everything right and hindsight is a useful tool for future progress, but a debilitating tool when used for regrets. So maybe try your best to focus on what you did right because you can't go back and change what happened. And remind yourself your daughter is ok...use it as an excuse to give her that much more lovin'!

I appreciate you posting this because, as a new mama of a 9 month old, I probably would have never expected these types of scary things happening until he's much older than 19 months! I need to know this is a potential threat so thank you for sharing.

You're a good one....I probably would have gotten arrested!

I'm so sorry for your experience; this can be unsettling to any parent.

In my work with children, I've come to learn that it's very unlikely very young children will intervene on the part of another child. It's great that your neighbor's daughter spoke up, and you might even consider giving her some reward-- a pack of stickers or something else, because she did a great, good thing. The big problem in expecting children to speak up is that A. they have to be understanding of what's happening, and B. you have to teach them to come get you and not be scared themselves. It sounds like your neighbor's done a great job in helping her daughter to speak up.

No, I won't say "Kids will be kids" or any of that rubbish. The fact is, there shouldn't be a 'blind spot' in a child's play area. Part of my job as a preschool teacher is to ensure that there are no blind spots which could compromise my ability to keep the children within sight and sound.

The other piece of it is that everyone needs to be watching their child. The fact that the other parent was relatively invisible--not running to find out what was happening when you were pulling their child off yours-- is a big concern. Often, I advise parents to take the offending child out into the open and ask who their parents are. "Your child had their hands around my little girl's neck and was choking her!" is really okay to tell someone. IMO, if a person cannot be bothered to parent their child, it's really okay for me to be upset with them if their child hurts someone else. Unfortunately, it's all-too-often that some parents will go to places like these and check-out, parenting-wise. Likely, they parent that way at home too, but we don't see it.
We have to be pretty vigilant in these kinds of situations. It's not a popular perspective, but after nearly 20 years of working with kids (as a teacher and nanny, out and about), this is the conclusion I've come to. Some parents aren't going to do an adequate job of watching their own children, so we who know better must do better.

Sadly, the little boy has probably seen someone choking someone else either in domestic violence or in a violent movie or tv show that his parents should not have allowed them to watch.

I agree that we need to teach our children that if someone is being hurt to get an adult right away, but I would guess that most of the other children looking on did not realize what was going on. Kids that age don't necessarily realize that hands around someone's neck is choking them or hurting them, especially since the child being choked is unable to scream.

If this happens again, definitely remember who the child is and I would report this behavior not only to his mom or dad but also to whoever is in charge of the playplace. This is dangerous behavior and makes the playplace unsafe for other children.

Whoa. That is seriously scary. How old was this little boy? If it was another baby, then this situation isn't as critical. If it was a child, say 4 or older - that is SCARY. I would've been livid, just like you are. It's one thing to hit/push but to CHOKE? That is extremely violent. If I were you, I would try to remember what the boy looked like, and maybe you will see him again at church. Then you can let his parents know. They will probably be mortified that their son did such a thing, but they need to know.
Next time your daughter plays in the playscape, I'd have an older child go with her and look out for her.

Your post sent shivers down my spine. Even if you can't identify the child, report the incident to the church office. You can give the time and date, also. I would be afraid this could happen again to some other child, plus that kid needs some serious therapy.

L. F., mom of a 15-year-old daughter

I would report what happened to the church and make sure you talk to the right person. Talk to the person in charge of childrens ministry. Also talk to the neighbors girl to see if she would remember who it was. This child obviously needs help. Not to mention protect your child and others from being hurt. Personally, I wouldn't put my child back in there knowing that there is a possible danger. Who knows, if that child is still there and remembers your child (that she was an easy target) he/she might do it again and you might not make it in time to save her. I am not trying to scare you but, those are my thoughts.
Good luck and God bless you.

You did all you could in a moment of panic. If you could have found the child and his mother or father that would have been the best outcome, but if not then report it to whoever is in charge. Maybe they've had other complaints. It's not too late to contact them. That is not normal behavior and it is obvious the child is a danger to others. Please take a moment to call the church and let them know what happened so it may not happen to someone else's child.

I am so glad your daughter is okay but I would have found that kid and dragged him to his mother and let both of them have it. You did say this happened at church and what he did was not very christian at all. I would report it to the church and also the director of the childcare. Maybe she would know who's child it was. The mother needs to be aware of this. She can't just go around thinking here child is an angel. I am not saying this to be vengeful or mean but our job as parents is to raise well rounded happy and kind adults. How can she do her job if she is unaware of incidents like these?

I am so sad that happened. But you did do the right thing. I'm imagining this kid frequents this place. You should speak to whomever is in charge of the place and to other moms in the room. The parents, if found, need to be told, because the end result could have been much worse. And in my warped mind if he's done this once he's probably done it before.
Also, don't let this other child keep you and your daughter away from the play area. Just keep a close eye and perhaps a neighbor's girl with her. Have you thanked your neighbors DD properly?

You did what you could.....who knows the encounter with the parents may not have been a good one so maybe the Lord was protecting you and your child further. So, relax but I would tell the organizers at the church.....many times they will know who it is based on past experiences......you did what you should have and checked on your daughter. The only thing I can think of is keep the other child with you while you check your child out and then go down with him.....but considering his behavior he very well may not have complied.

Unfortunately I have learned that you can never take your eyes off your kids while you are in public. This is so sad!! How terrible. I wish you could find this boy and his parents. I would have a few choice words for both. Some people say that sometimes I can be too protective of my children and I have to let them live. But this is perfect example of why I am and I dont care what anyone says. What kind of parents have a child that would choke another person. Very scary! I can just imagine how you feel.