Besides his age, what else do you find you do not like about him?
Does he have a job?
Does he have his own place that HE pays for?
What is it he is going to study at college?
What is his family life like?
How does he treat your daughter?
Why does she like him?
My mother was a wise woman. She did not always care for the guys I went out with or liked.. and so she made sure they spent a lot of time with our family.
She would invite them over for meals, days that we did chores around the house. They attended church with us. Attended big family gatherings, meeting our other relatives.
They either held their own, or I would realize, they were not so great..
or they would disappear.
The good thing is they got to know me and my family. If they did not treat my mom well, I was done with them. Or they would respect my mom and so of course they respected me.
You can punish your daughter by withholding your support of her continued education. This will either drive her away. Or it will allow her to decide if she can put herself through college without your help.
Either way.. it will be a huge strain on your family. Decide if this rift is worth it to you.
I would let her know I would pay for her to live in a dorm, but I would not pay rent for her boyfriend to live off of you. It really would not make sense that he would expect that. Surely she would agree. A 25 year old man living off of any parents is just strange.
Now if he and she are going to pay their own rent and bills. Then maybe you can pay for the education portion IF she keeps her grades up. Go semester by semester.
I also would make sure she understands if she gets pregnant, that she will need to be totally financially responsible. Because if she cannot afford to have a baby, she should not be getting pregnant.
Mom, I would also be freaking out. This is very hard on all of you. But she will always be your child. She cannot help who she loves. She is now an adult. You can punish her, but then you could lose her. Is it worth it to you?
My husband and I married when we were 20. Our parents really wanted us to wait. They did not help us (except for my mom) in any way.. And so we quit college, got jobs, saved up and paid for our own Wedding. We have now been married aver 30 years. I no longer speak with my mother inlaw and my husband and daughter have to be pushed (by me) to even call her. She had also forbade us from living together and getting married. Told us she would NEVER help us or support us. We told her we were not asking her permission. She got her wish.. We never asked her for help except the one time we were completely, totally out of options.
She is the last person we consider informing about anything, except about our daughter.