18 Mo Old Temper and Pushing Issues

My son who is now 20 months also did that around 18 months. He learned it from a cousin and thought it was pretty cool. At times he was playing with kids and then pushed to see what would happen. I didn't notice it that he would do it out of frustration, but just wanting to see what reaction he would get from the toddler he pushed and from me. He doesn't do it as much now, but I do think it is part of their development. Now you need to think of ways of show her that is not nice and be consistent. She sounds like she is right on track for her age:)

J.,

It sounds like your little girl is really frustrated with something. Is it possible the child she is pushing has done something to cause your daughter to react? Maybe the other child is making faces, sounds, or words to your daughter that she doesn't like and this is her way of stopping that.

Your daughter may also be struggling with a lack of communication. I suggest checking out your local library and looking for baby sign language books. These are easy signs that you and she can do together to help ease her communication struggles.

Lastly, when you get home from work spend 15 or 20 minutes just playing with your daughter, and let her lead the play. I don't know if you do this already, but the two of you have been separated for a very long day and she needs to know that she is the first thing you think about when you both arrive home. Yes, she does need to learn that you have tasks to accomplish and after your 20 minutes of uninterrupted play set a timer and let her know you need to work for 5 minutes and when the timer goes off you will play or sit with her for another 5 minutes.

While cooking dinner putting her in her highchair is a fabulous idea and a great way for her to feel included in the task of cooking.

Good luck.

-C..

HI J.
How's her communication, does she talk a lot yet? It could be about wanting to communicate and not knowing how to express herself. My daughter had started biting the little boy I babysat. I had to explain how it's not nice and teach her words to use to express herself. So at about the same age she would say "Mama I'm fustated" her version of frustrated.

Do you prep your dinner in advance? Is she interested in watching if you talk to her about what your doing? Maybe she'd sit in her high chair and watch, and you could tell her about the food. I did that with mine telling her about nutrition. But that's my kid she woke up talking and didn't stop till she fell asleep.
Good luck, A. H

This is the part of parenting that is the hardest...this is the part when they find their boundaries. They will try to dominate situations (both you and the little girl are getting "pushed") as far as at daycare, it's so hard for you to handle that situation, she's so young that by the time you get to her, she's forgotten what she did. My son had his difficult moments, and it helped to let the daycare providers know what works for me, and get on the same team. With my son, the 1-2-3 (and only up to 3!) worked for me. he would stop what he was doing usually at 2. so i told the daycare provider the correct tone, and pre-warning to use, and when used...it helped. They don't know your child the same way, and they might not be getting the point accross to her to stop the behavior.
as far as at home...sometimes the best way to handle a tantrum, is to completely ignore it, if they don't get you to stop what you are doing and pay attention to them, they'll usually stop the tantrum. I would usually ignore it, or say (in a normal voice...not overly sweet and not agressive) mommy's cooking...i can't help you right now. stuff like that. one time my son threw a screaming kicking fit when i had company over...I put on my best acting voice, and said "oh honey...make it a good one, they haven't seen you do this yet" like what he was doing was a show or something...he immediately stopped...was angry with my reaction, and proceeded to pout in his room. at least the tantrum stopped.
just keep in mind, that this is a power struggle, and maintain your position.

I think he is going through seperation anxiety. She probably misses you during the day, and that is why she wants so much of your time in the evening. After all in a daycare setting, she is just one in a bunch. She doesn't get the love and attention she would get being home with mommy. Look at things through her eyes. She probably can't voice her opinions on anything because of lack of language skills. She is having a hard time getting the attention she needs. She may be pushing the little girl down because that little girl is taking something she had. The daycare provider isn't going to see everything. After all she's just a kid in the crowd. They usually only see if attention is brought there such as a kid crying. My advice is to just try and give her extra love and affection. I know people have to work but I feel sorry for those kids in daycare. They go all day without kisses, hugs, and loves that only a parent really has for their child.

Hi J. - I don't know how many hours a day your little one is in day care but cut her some slack. She's only a baby and probably really misses you during the day - of course she wants you when you are both at home. Can you try cooking dinner together - i.e. pull a high chair up close to the counter when you're cooking so you include her and chat to her when you're doing it. You can try telling her not to push this other child - not sure how much she understands being so young. I also think you should really think hard about having another child so soon. You are extremely young, your child is extremely young too. How will you be able to devote enough time to her as you're already putting her in daycare. I am 17 years older than you and my children are older and more spread out but I really think it is wonderful if you can do that as each child gets more attention when they are small which makes for very happy kids. Good luck - Alison

J.,
i teach parenting classes and have some answers for you. I just am running off to teach as we speak. I wanted to drop a note so I didn't forget to contact you later. Will you email me at ____@____.com a reminder with your email... it will be easier then logging on here to post.
Thanks
B.