Hi, my daughter has a temper since she was born. She is becoming very vocal, talking alot. somtimes when she is excited she screams ( which is fine), sometimes when she is upset because i forbid her something i feel like she OVERREACTS byyelling back at me. i yell back at her "no, don't scream" and she cries/somtimes bold enough to yell back. still does it often and i don't feel like yelling at her all time. i don't want her learn the controlling power of yelling at someone because i am yelling back at her. i don't want her to copy me.
so i am going to try to ignore her when she overreacts. i hope this will fade
soon before she turns two. also my mother thinks it won't work. but i don't want to be in a yelling battle. so do you think ignoring her will work to respond in calmness? cause i feel unimpowered when a toddler is yelling at me and i am not doing anything about it and my mother will think i am weak, letting my daughter get away with it.
Hi M.,
Sounds like my daughter!!!! She is now 7, it has gotten better, but we still struggle with the yelling and temper tantrums. My daughter is now old enough to understand consequences which helps control the behavior.
When she was younger we went to a psycologist who said that we should simply state, "I will not listen to you or talk to you until you speak in a quieter voice". Sometimes it works.
Good luck,
Sarah
I definitely would not yell back at her. She will copy
you. I would just tell her in a calm voice not to yell.
If she does I would not acknowledge her. She will get
the message.
You may enjoy reading the book about Raising Spirited Children by Mary Sheedy something or other (search on Amazon--my copy has long since been given away). It has some great parenting tips that you can use. I'm just guessing your daughter is sensitive--mine was and it sure brings back memories reading your post!
The ignoring method works quite well but if you give in even once it won't work so you need to be 100% consistent and don't EVER budge. They will try everything to get your attention. Make sure she gets tons of positive attention.
Some girls are more squeally/screammy than others. It will pass, even if you don't think it will.
Hi M., Your little girl is copying you. We are our children's first teachers. It may take time but you need to tell her very firmly but in a normal voice that you will not listen if she yells, and you cannot yell at her. It will take some disipline on your part. The root of Discipline is disciple (to follow) Grandma Mary
M., yes ignoring her or speaking calmly when she yells will have a better effect. Your daughter isn't bold when she yells back - yelling "Don't yell!" isn't teaching her anything. She doesn't understand what the word "yelling" is, all she knows is that you are speaking in the same tone/volume that she was, so she is learning that this is how to communicate. Kids will have a temper, will have a tantrum sometimes if they don't get what they want because toddlers are too young to understand reason and they cannot comprehend why they cannot have something that they want.
When she yells, walk away, or deposit her in a designated time out area, or respond by whispering and seeing if she follows your lead. Good luck!
By reacting calmly you are modeling the behavior you want her to see and copy. By yelling you are modeling bad behavior and being out of control.
She's 16 months old and testing the limits. As long as you aren't giving in to her complaints you are not being weak. What is she getting away with? She's complaining, but it isn't having the desired effect. Once she realizes that yelling doesn't get a reaction, she should get better.
That said, my daughter is only 11 months old, so I am just entering the "hey, I don't like this and I'm going to complain loudly" phase. We'll see how well I take my own advice!
I think you are looking at this situation as if she was a much older child. She is only 16 months old and understands things on a very simple level. Of course she is going to be frustrated and upset when you don't let her do things. You are the adult and you have to set reasonable limits. Instead of yelling at her try to distract her and refocuse her attention. That will keep her from getting all worked up. I agree with the previous moms that you should speak to her softly and firmly and don't focus too much on the bad behavior. Your modeling good behaviour is going to be key here.
Works with my kids (16 and 3).
They both have their share of tantrums. After they rant and rave, I just look at them and ask 'Are you done yet? Yes? Good". Then I go on my merry way.
Nanc
I didn't have this problem but a close friend of mine has a daughter that did the same thing. She would calmly tell her "I can't hear you until you use your nice voice" and then ignore her until she did. It didn't take her long to get rid of the yelling/screaming - most of the time anyway!
You already know that if you yell, she will yell. Kids copy their parents. I think ignoring her will work, but it will take awhile, since you have been yelling awhile. She will have fits until she learns to express her needs better. One of the reasons for the terrible twos is they want so much and cant verbalize it properly. If the screaming gets out of control, calmly put her in time out. Its important to be firm, but calm. Stop worrying what your mother thinks, its your child and you get to raise her your way. Your mom has done her job and needs to stop criticizing.
Ignoring or speaking softly would be my vote. Having been reacting to my 19mo old's tantrums like this (most of the time) has most certainly been harder than yelling back. It's like having the strength to walk away - it definitely takes the stronger person. So, feel empowered if you can do it! :) I don't think it is easy but it will teach her how to respond to overreacting people in her future - to calmly not let it get her to overreact but to deal with situations appropriately. It might take a while to be effective but repeatedly showing her the appropriate way to respond can only produce good long term results.
I've heard that speaking SOFTLY / whispering instead of yelling back works well - she'll have to calm down herself to hear what you're saying. I've tried it on my daughter a few times when she was whining and squirming on the changing table, and it's worked.
