15 Year Old Boy - Round Lake,IL

Teens get opinionated sooner or later - it's what they do.
They grow, they change, they sometimes parrot what they hear from others.
How rustic is this lake house?
Some are broken down sheds with outhouses while others are fully outfitted vacation homes.
Broken ankle is a bummer, but life goes on.
How long has it been broken?
If he's halfway through 8 weeks in a cast, the pain should be mostly gone by now.
He can't swim, but he might be able to boat (depending on the boat), fish, and he can certainly toast a marshmallow on a stick round a campfire.
If he wants attention, he'd certainly be getting it.
If he wants a pity party - that might be a bit more difficult.
The 15 yr old can play cards or board games with the other kids, but he's not to babysit them and he can't watch them swim (how's he suppose to dive in to rescue with a broken ankle?).
Maybe he should sit this trip out at home with Mom and you can take the younger kids to the lake.
Why does the 15 yr olds being there or not affect the trip with the other kids?

What Laurie said.

Also, why can't you take the other kids if you're not all together? Without knowing all the particulars, it seems like if he declines you should still be free to go with the others.

I was a child of divorce and the whole situation was very difficult for me.
first of all I was secretly thrilled..This filled me with guilt, because every one else was so upset.

My parents fought all of the time. They had not been happy for years. My father was quick tempered and controlling, but I loved him, just not the way he acted.

I do not know your situation with your ex wife, with each of your children, but I will tel you, I had a lot of guilt about my personal feelings.

I felt like if I sided with my mother, I would hurt my fathers feelings, but if I sided with my father, I would hurt my mothers feelings. There should not have been "sides". but that is how they acted/

Their divorce was awful. Lots of fighting arguing, many times about our care and who was responsible for us. etc..

Also as I became a teen, I really wanted to spend time with my friends (just like every other teen), but I felt bad that this meant I did not want to hang out with my dad. It was a drag to hang out with my dads on weekend. Boring . .. These were times my friends were doing all of the fun stuff. Guilt, guilt, and more guilt for me.. .

My suggestion is for you to speak with your son. In person if possible.

Have a safe (for him) way for him to tell you truthfully whatever it is he wants or needs to say to you. Assure him you will not be mad, that you will believe him and that all you want is for the 2 of you to be free to speak openly with each other from now on.

Let him know you miss him. Let him know you want to be a part of his life and you miss him when he is not around. Let him know you are worried that something has happened that you are not aware of, but you want to know so you 2 can work it out.

Also let him know he is free to say anything to you.
Consider maybe inviting one of his friends over to the lake house.
Maybe sometimes just you and 1 child can spend time together at times.

Also my father always seemed to have a girlfriend around and then once he got married my step mom. These were all nice people, but I needed and wanted to sometimes, just be with my dad, like it used to be. More guilt on my part.

There is obviously something going on. if he will not meet with you, I think it is time to try family counseling for you and your children.. it helped open my fathers eyes.

My son is 16.
His Father and I never married.
Dad has been in and out of his life, inconsistent at best.
So, slightly different situation, but

What I noticed from about 13/14 years old until now, is my son developing his own opinion of his father.

My son has turned down offers from his father to do things with him to either (a) go ahead with plans we had already made (that I would have been fine cancelling) or (b) doing things he prefers to do - i.e., time with his friends - that he had been looking forward to doing before his dad called.

There were times when he asked me to run interference for him, or just flat out used me as an excuse to say "no" to his father because he doesn't want to hurt his father's feelings, he just didn't want to go to X event.

You need to have a conversation with your son. Maybe he doesn't want to go to the lake house. Does he have other plans? Does he feel guilty leaving mom home alone for the weekend? My son went through that guilt until I told him I actually welcomed time alone sometimes :)

I don't understand why you can not take the other kids to the lake house if the 15 year old is not with you? If the older wants to stay home, why not take the others? It is okay to do things with some of your children and not all of them. I have a friend with 5 children - if he didn't do some things with some and not others he would never get to see them all nor spend quality time with each one. They all seem to get it.

As your son ages you need to redefine your relationship - continue to find common bonds and interests that will grow with you both. This age bracket is on the cusp manhood and it is a hard adjustment for both parent and child.

Good Luck

If I had a broken ankle I wouldn't want to go to a lake where I couldn't have fun with everyone. Why can't you take the other kids without him? If you're expecting him to help out, maybe that's why he doesn't want to go. Sounds like you need to spend some one-on-one time with your teen to reconnect.

lots of thoughts:

broken ankle....nope, the lake is not fun.
age 15.....nope, two younger kids are not fun.
Dad thinks he's crying out for attention.....nope, not fun.

& I totally don't get why he has to go in order for you to be able to take the other kids.....WTHeck is going on?

My vote is with your son. He's 15, injured to boot. Give him a break! At that age, friends & staying in his comfort zone are the most important aspects of his life. Please accept this, please find time for one-on-one with him, AND please be very thankful that he's not out roaming the streets drinking/drugging! With teenagers, we have to accept the best they can give....eventually they'll return to us. :) Peace......

He's getting older and may just want to hang out at "home" and be with friends over the weekend. My GD also finds herself in delemma's (sp?) sometimes because she wants to visit with her mom on the weekend, but she also wants to play with her friends. She can only do one or the other.

Your son is probably experiencing the same thing. Wants to visit with you, but also wants to hang out at home and with friends. Don't take it personally. If you try to force him to come over, he's going to resent you for that and no one will enjoy the time anyway.

It may be that over the next couple of years, you won't see him quite as much simply because he's growing up and having his own life. It's just the way things go.

The one thing that struck me about your post is that you say you "really won'g e able to take the other kids if we are not all together." Why not? My first thought is that you need him to go to help supervise the younger ones. And that in itself could be part of the problem. Do you use him to babysit the younger half-siblings? If so, stop because I would just about bet that he doesn't like it and THAT will be a big reason for him not coming over.

The same thing struck me about your question, why is it that you wouldn't be able to take the other kids if he doesn't go? He has a broken ankle. I wouldn't want to sit in a car drive for however long, Just to sit or lay around someplace else, would you? Let him stay with mom and take the other kIds to the lake house. If you can't take the little ones without him because you need his help, that could be another reason why he doesn't want to go. That would be even less fun with a broken ankle!

Ok-he has a broken ankle-am I safe to assume a cast? so he can't enjoy the lake? and two younger children? Is he supposed to babysit with a broken ankle? Why can't you watch your own children? Are they his siblings? Why don't you leave the little ones home with their mom and the two of you guys go?

My son just turned 17. I left his father before he was 2.

When he was younger, that poor kid got dragged back and forth so much that it was really hard on him. He loves both me and his father.

Now that he's older, his dad and I respect his wishes completely. In other words, if he's sick or doesn't want to go to his dad's because we have plans, his dad is fine with it. By the same token, if my son wants to go with his dad on "my" weekend because it's salmon season or whatever, I'm fine with it too. It took us a long time, but we've learned to be flexible and really try to give him the best of both worlds. He'll be 18 and out on his own before we know it, so fighting over him not wanting to do something really just isn't worth it.

He's got a broken ankle. If he feels like staying home with his mom, you shouldn't take that personally. Also, it seems to me that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can take the other kids to the lake and still have a great time.

I don't think you should force the issue or try to read too much into it. There will likely be a time when he'd rather go with you than lay around his mom's house.

This is just my opinion.