My 14 mos old son does nothing but whine lately & want to be held. He is going through a stage where all he wants me to do is hold him from morning to night. This is hard for me b/c he has a 2 1/2 yr old sister who never went through anything like this. I feel it isn't fair; I feel like I am devoting too much time to him & not enough time playing with her. Not to mention, I am hoping he will get over this and start playing on his own or with her so I can get simple things like cooking & cleaning done!!! ANY HELP WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED!!
First of all, I would like to say that this was my very first "trial" question on here. That said, I would like to THANK MOST of the moms on here for all of their helpful suggestions. As a SAHM, I am lucky to get a few minutes on the computer in the morning and then a few minutes at bedtime, most of the time it is my only outlet!
I am definately going to look into the learning tower and the "dedicated cabinet" idea!! I do know it is a stage and that it will pass. I was just looking for some helpful suggestions; which most moms were so terrific & helpful at answering.
I do have to say, I am not positive I will put myself out there and ask another question. I was surprised at those who made me feel badly about myself as a mom. I am sorry if my "quick written question" that I did during my few minutes of quiet time came accross as SELFISH. I think I am the furthest thing from being selfish. I have dedicated my life to being a SAHM, and was simply asking for better ways to manage my time to benefit BOTH of them. "Hoping he will get over the stage and have some independent playtime or playtime with his sister"; I feel is a legitimate request of a mom. I have some cleaning, LAUNDRY & cooking DOES have to be done and time has to be made for those minor things. That cannot just be let go of. Most moms I feel would understand that.
Anyways- I am a young mom- 24 yrs old. I am married to a great man, who does feel I am a great mom. I supposse that is all that matters.
Thank you to most of you moms out there who were nice enough to help me out. To those others...I hope you do not give me anymore advice.
Don't know how this will help, but I read it in a magazine as a mom-to-mom tip. I thought it was silly but as soon as I say it my daighter clams up and goes about her business or laughs and laughs, depending on the mood. When she's really whining, I say "What do you get when you whine?" then look at her and say "Zippo the Hippo!" with a smile. It gets the point across, and lightens the mood.
my first baby was very high needs, and 14 months was THE WORST so I feel your pain. It can be extremely draining and frustrating. Two things were incredibly helpful to me. 1) wearing her in a carrier (my favorites are the Ergo backpack and the Maya ring sling...google them and you will find many online distributors). This meets the baby's need to be held, while keeping them "out of the way" and your hands free to do stuff around the house. 2) we bought a Learning Tower so that she could be at my level while I was working in the kitchen. I give her bowls and cups and spoons and flour and such to play with. It usually buys me about a half hour or so to do dishes, prepare dinner, etc.
Another idea might be to dedicate a cabinet that is low to the ground where he can reach it, to put in his own cups and bowls and utensils. that way, when you're emptying the dishwasher,he can help put away his own things. our tupperware cabinet is also down low, so my daughter can help me put away that safe stuff too. finding ways to get your son involved in your "chores" is a great way to meet his need for attention and being near you, while still getting your stuff done. (my daughter is 22 months old now, and i dump out the clean laundry on the floor and have her help me find the socks).
gotta go, my hubby is giving me an early mother's day gift, hooray! good luck, and remember, this too shall pass.
S. H, I am June my first gut instinct revealed your son has had a dream that startled him? Ask him what happened and listen to his heart. Perhaps, he has a fear of an insect that he encountered? You are his survival and he's longing for his own security from whatever he felt or saw. I could be as wrong as two left feet. I felt for his sake, yours and mine that it wouldn't hurt--I pray, if I offered to you my vision. Sincerely, June-N-May 2008
Hi S.,
My 2 oldest are 16 months apart, and my son (the younger) went through this...It is necessary to run your household, so what I would do is put him in his pack and play with toys and there he would stay til I got what I needed to get done.
Sometimes he'd cry the entire time, in the beginning for sure, other times he'd get sidetracked playing with his toys.
It's impossible to get everything done holding a baby, so at times he will have to cry it out a little...
Your daughter will be fine...it's probably harder on you than her. I had the same concerns as well...Now mine are 5 and almost 4 and the best of friends...there is no resentment whatsoever.
The stages pass quickly, they just seem long when you're stuck in the middle of a tough one!!
HTH,
J.
I must say that most of my kiddies went through this mommy stage...it is just a stage and it will end. I love to play and cuddle and get kisses, we love to play hide-n-seek and roar(I hide and then I jump out when they are close and roar like a lion....loads of giggles) but when I have to get stuff done I strap my lil guy(now 20 mo's) into the highchair with cheerios/crayons and paper...that's usually good for 20mins or so and the rest of the need to get stuff done is reserved for naptime! If you can play outside in the mornings...they are usually to busy exploring to need you and you can make phone calls or paybills from your laptop (if you have one) while you're watching them, although honestly eat it up while you can cause it goes by too quickly and before you know it they'll be getting on the school bus and be too cool for kisses. goodluck!
Hi Mom,
I think he probably feels your resistance and resentment
Try holding him first thing in the morning before breakfast for atleast 5-7 FULL minutes without wriggling out of if or interupting his time,
IF your DD wants to be held let her sit right next to you and sqeeze and cuddle them both at the same time,
kiss them and when they try to get away don't let them pull them closer to you, and say NO NO WAY I nee you, KISS me KISS me.
they should giggle and laugh
then ask ARE you hungry?
and they should say yes, and then ask them what they want to eat,
and comence to feed them
after they eat, let them play
and then before snack time pick him and her up,
put them on the couch and read them a story,
your 2 year old might want to get down , let her
this is the stage that they get more independent
after the story kiss him and put him down and do whatever it is you do
then before lunch SAME thing except watch a movie or 30 minute show.while holding them,BOTH
After lunch BABY goes for a nap.
and MOMMY and 2 year old have 30-45 minutes of special play time ( cookie cutters and play dough are great, so can makiing real cookies, coloring or doing nails)
then its her nap time.
When the baby wakes ( 30 minutes of cuddling time and reading for him)
then let them play,
I usually like to go outside for a little while
they play and I read a book.
My oldest comes in from school and he and I have homework time together.
then I come inside and prepare dinner, and hopefully they are all tuckered out,
When Daddy comes home, I spend more time with my oldest.
usually its a family show together.
Kisses for each before bed time.
So what I am saying is its best if you initiate the kisses and hugs, then they'll feel more secure and need less attention
Good luck
M
You have to give each child according to the child's needs, and they are all very different. What is fair? If one of your children was drowning and the other swimming, would you think it "not fair" to jump in and save the drowning child? Your whiner needs rescuing. You can clean your house when your kids go to college. Order takeout or scramble an egg and hold the baby. Believe it or not, before you know it, he won't even want to be seen in public with you! He needs you now more than your house, (or your daughter) does.
I have three boys and each one was very different. Have you looked to see if he is getting any molars in? It may be an issue with his teeth if so try giving him some tylenol. Also some kids are completely different than others not only with pain but everything else as well. Don't feel like you're devoting to much time to him, he's the baby and they require more time. He wants you cause he knows that with you he's safe and that makes him feel safe. You could also have your daughter help him feel better by rubbing his back and such with you. This to shall pass remember that.
Although it may be a phase, I would have him checked by a doctor just in case. This is to see if he has a sinus infection, ear infection, teething pain or something else bothering him. My DD#1 has such a high pain tolerance, that she gets more whiney, testy, and clingy when she has in ear infection and finally starts sleeping poorly when her infection either ruptures her ear drum, or it is full blown raging. Is he sleeping ok? Eating ok? Teething? Try a little Tylenol when he is being like this and see if it helps him settle and be happier. Good luck and I HTH!
every child is different(as is every adult) and this is the reason not to compare the 2. i have to tell you, he is only 14 months old. i really think your expectations are a little high. "I am hoping he will get over this and start playing on his own or with her so I can get simple things like cooking & cleaning done" sounds a little much, and a little selfish. 14 month old children rarely just play by themselves for long stretches and children dont really "play" with each other until much older. you said its only lately and its a stage, so accept that and wait for the stage to end. and you said its hard for "you", not your daughter about the the devotion time. as long as you include her, she should be fine as well.
advice is to get a baby carrier (check out thebabywearer.com) which would have you carrying him handsfree so you could cook and clean no problem. then, have them take naps(if she still does) at different times, so you can give each thier own quality time. when dad is home, have him play with the baby and you spend time with your daughter. the easiest to do is have daddy give him a bath, and you have playtime, then give her a bath. that should give her plenty of time. just dont complain about this in front of her or else she will start to think something isnt right and may begin to have jealousy issues.
and please remember, he is only 14 months old. before you know it, he wont let you hold him at all.
