14 Month Old Behavior

My 21-month-old son has been throwing tantrums since he was 15-months-old. I'm sorry to report that it's stll happening but I do have hope... My 5-year-old nephew threw similar tantrums but when he was better able to communicate his wants and his needs it went away. As my son becomes better able to communicate, the frequency of thes tantrums has decreased. Many people suggested I teach him some sign language to help him communicate and that has definitely helped because it's easier for him to show/tell me what he wants and for me to undestand. I know how frustrating this is, especially in public, I try to always have a snack on hand to diffuse the situation if it starts to get out of control. Good luck!

My son did this and still does it on occasion, however I have completely ignored it when it happens and I do not give on to his demands. It was really hard at first, but eventually he figured out that it hurts to hit your head on some surfaces and that I was not going to give him what he wanted.

I totally understand what you're going through. My oldest son, who is 4 now, did that for 2 years. It was all I could do to keep my sanity. What I found that worked for me, was showing him how to calm himself down. When he would get upset, and start throwing a fit, I would sit down next to him, wherever it was, and just take deep breaths, and reassure him. One time he actually laid down in the middle of a busy mall parking lot, and I had to drag him into the car and sit in the back seat with him and do our deep breaths until he calmed down. Once he learned how to talk, and express his feelings with words, the tantrums got less and less frequent. He still has them every now and then, but they are not half as bad as even a year ago. I think the key is just not getting upset, and even if you are about to lose your cool, keep up the "I'm calm" appearance for him. I have another boy, who is 19 months old, and he is the complete opposite. During the tantrums of my older son, he would just look at his brother like, what is your problem? It's so funny how they can be so different. Just don't lose hope, every kid is different and certain things will work better than others. You just have to figure out what works with your son. I had a friend who would pretend to throw a fit when her son did and that worked for her, but just made my son worse. :) Good luck!

Hi A.,

You can read some of my other responses to moms about children and you may get an overall picture, but my belief (proven by life with my recovered children, my neices, nephews, and godchildren) is that "out of bounds" behavior like you are describing is driven out of problematic health at this age, not will.
There can be one of several factors going on - digestive difficulty, immune inflamation, yeast overgrowths, toxin overloads. Before you roll your eyes, very common biology shows what happens to the nervous system when any of these factors come into play. Add that to the fact the child cannot say what is going on and does not have the right to call in sick, you get tantrums.
The "Sensory sensitive child" book and "Healing the childhood epidemics" are two books you should read (the later will only be to understand how to heal it because the age of the children are not comparable). As well as getting him immediately evaluated by an OT (www.floortimeatlanta.org). The head banging is a huge red flag (www.generationrescue.org).
Healing and recovery are happening in huge numbers for children whose parents are ok with stepping out of the rules box.
GFCF diet (elimination of gluten/wheat and casein/milk) is the first step to seeing that behavior level out. It takes the pressure off the immune system so you can start layering out what is really going on. Search online for a document called "10 weeks to GFCF". It will help you so much!
So many moms freak out about changing the diet - let me tell you what - it is 100X easier than putting up with what you are putting up with and the thought that your son could be hurting and that may get him out of pain is all worth it.
Sincerely, J.

It's a tantrum and the better you ignore them and go on about your business, the sooner they stop and the fewer they become!! Don't let them control you or dictate when and where you leave the house either. You are the parent, not the 14 month old!!

A few things you can do to possibly prevent him from behaving like this is helping him with his words. He can't express himself short of dropping to the floor and screaming. All while in his head, he is probably wondering why you can't understand him and this is frustrating to any child. Another thing is pre warning before you leave the house, or he has to stop what he is doing to do something else. You tell him that in 5 mins you are leaving for the store, 1 then 1 min then time to get ready. No, he doesn't understand the concept of time but you are warning him that soon he'll have to stop what he is doing to do something else. Does it work all the time, no. But as he gets older the easier it will be if you keep doing this.

Don't be embarrassed to go out in public with him acting like that, we've all got kids who act different and we have to learn how to over come otherwise the kids win and you'll have even bigger problems done the road.

Good luck and stand your ground!!
S.

I am all for ignoring them if that works. It does with most kids, but with some kids it only makes it worse and they don't stop having tantrums -the tantrums increase and the intensity increases. If your child keeps doing this despite all of your ignoring or other tries to stop the tantrums, check out two books -one called "The Explosive Child" and the other called "Raising Your Spirited Child". They've really helped us, and both state outright that they're not providing an excuse for your child's behavior and a reason to excuse it, but rather tactics for dealing with it. You may want to go ahead and look over these at the library or wait and see if some other suggestions work. Nothing else has worked for us. My son is 3.5 now and he hasn't always just pitched fits constantly, but he has "explosions" and does go into tantrums easily over nothing. Things like sending him to his room exacerbate the problem. Using the stratagies in these books does help -you still use time-outs, etc.

My 3rd child did this. What finally stopped it was my ignoring her when she did it. She would do this as part of her temper tantrum. I even caught her looking in a mirror and going through all her antics of the tantrum. I realized then I had been duped. She was 18 mos old. Never, ever give in to his temper fits. V.

I am a big fan of "Parenting with Love & Logic" by Jim Fay and Foster Cline. It's fantastic! I think it would be helpful. I also agree with the other mom's, as much as you can ignore the behavior (leave the room). I also think it bears mentioning not to escalate your behavior... don't take it personally, just wait him out and then follow through with your original plan. Escalating just feeds the behavior then you both feel bad. I would also probably start making a game of practicing getting in and out of the car seat, et al so that he learns how to do it when it's not a high stress time, so in and out of the car seat as a game, maybe with small rewards or a getting in the car seat song. It worked for me and mine.

I can totally relate!
My daughter is now 2.5 years old. I must admit, it has only been the last 6 months that I have finally accepted the fact that she is going to be wild and demanding as part of her personality. I fought it. Felt totally alone almost like I was griping about my child too much to people but it was mostly sheer disbelief that she was this naughty since 1!! My son, who is 8, was mellow yellow. He did go through the terrible 3's but only for a few months.
My daughter and I have truly bonded in the last 6 months. Now that Im not in shock anymore and have learned to just go with it, we have both changed. I hated to take her anywhere before....now when I take her I get prepared for any moment to go wrong. I make her leave if she acts out and I can already see the patterns changing. She is now realizing if she acts like 'A' she will get 'B' and I stay consistent. It isnt easy. That is for sure but it is they way she is. That I know for sure. I make sure I get out with girlfriends atleast once a month just to have alone time. Its essential!!
Perhaps setting a soft place to take him when he acts out. I take my daughter to her room and I sit on the floor by the door so she cant smash it with toys or run out screaming. You just have to find what works for you. And remember you are human and you arent always going to get it right.....most important!! Because there are days when I totally lose my cool and its okay because we all do! I am human and I want her to know that.
Goodluck!

The Bible teaches us how to rear our children and I would highly recommend some Biblical counseling. Check out the website of the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors to find a certified counselor in your area and go talk to someone. There is no charge.