13 Month Old Gives up Trying to Sleep

It sounds like she's really trying hard to learn how to fall asleep on her own and she hasn't mastered it yet. Its a really tough skill! I know my husband still has a hard time with it! ;) I was VERY opposed to letting my son cry at all. But he had a really hard time (much harder than what you describe) and I was in a different situation- he wasn't getting enough sleep, and we felt it was cruel not to help teach him how to sooth himself to sleep. We reached a point where nothing we did could help him either- and so that was how I became open to laying down some boundaries for what happens when it's time for sleeping. I agree with you: consistantcy is the key.
I think as long as you have a very regular bedtime and regular naptimes, it's fair to teach your daughter that bedtime is bedtime, and she can now learn the skills to transition herself to sleep.
If you are open to it, the method we used with our son was to go through his entire routine very very consistently, and then finish by telling him "now it's time to sleep".
If he fussed, we timed him for 5 minutes. If we ever hear him, it's usually a few peeps and then he settles. If it goes on for 5 minutes, we go back in the room, say "mommy's here. It's time to sleep." and usually he's standing so I gently help him down to a lying down position. We let another 5 minutes go by. This way we are never leaving him to feel abandoned- if he's having a hard time, we are a consistent presence. The length of time never gets longer so he's not left wondering what's happening, but we are giving him a solid 5 minutes to work out how to calm down. The whole process is usually less than 10 minutes but he goes down fine about 95% of the time. Some days are just different! he might be a little overtired or learning something new or teething, so he needs to blow a little steam to wind down. There's a site called askmoxie which talks about how some babies increase stress by crying and some lessen stress by crying. Every baby is different. My son definitely winds down- he never really full on cries but rather fusses in little bursts.
I hope this helps you!

Hi there,

I think 13 months is old enough for her to entertain herself in her crib or play quietly. I would try writing down quick notes on the day for a 1-2 weeks and see if there is any correlation to the days that she doesn't go down easily and the days she does. Too much activity close to bedtime, not enough activity during the day, nap too close to bedtime, etc.

On the weekends, when we could sleep in, with both of my daughters (4yr and 9 1/2 mo) I let them stay in the their crib for a bit longer in the morning and just talk and play by themselves. They do have a stuffed toy that they can play with in there with them. This allowed a time to practice that self play skill, but they were in a good mood and such and then I could get them before they started crying and end on a good note. So I rewarded her for nice quiet play, with my presence.

A lot of times at night with my 9 1/2 mo old, she won't go to sleep immediately. I think she is overtired or hasn't gotten enough exercise in the afternoon (too much car time or stroller time getting bigger sister), but I stick to a firm bedtime, and let her work it out, sometimes she will cry, but you can tell it is the fake one for attention or protest and is usually less than a minute, because she knows it is time for sleep. Sometimes she will be up talking to herself and her stuffed animals for as much as 45 min before falling to sleep (the activity of the older sister getting her evening routine done will just be too much for the younger to actually go to sleep through).

I think it is just up to you and what you want. If you want your evening time, then I would just stick to a bedtime that you are comfortable with and no longer take her out of bed when she calls. Or if you are fine with it, then you can keep doing it on those evenings, because you do know that she can falls asleep on her own. I think it just comes down to what you want, you are the parent and you set her limits for her, she will adjust.

Good job getting her to sleep on her own, that is half or more of the battle.

E.

Love Annie's advice.

My son is now 3-years old and I've never let him cry it out. But, at this age he was doing a lot of things like toddling and scooting and becoming more aware of his surroundings. Stimulation before bedtime sometimes can't be helped even if we have a static bedtime routine. Little things like a small noise or thump or a flash of light would get my son's attention and spark his interest. This awareness can often lead to that last minute chance to discover and keep her up a little bit longer.

My son used to settle and then all of a sudden be awake and ready to move it. If he was able to lay back down after a few moments, I'd get him up and in those cases, I would carry him around and we'd say goodnight to the moon and stars and kiss stuffed animals goodnight. To this day I play soft music, but at that age I would rock him and say goodnight and then lay him down in bed. This helped him calm back down and fall asleep like usual.

Also, this is growth spurt age for a lot of babies. My son to this day has trouble falling asleep when he's growing, and in those cases I massage his legs or arms and then he's able to settle down. And then there's teething...oh, this stuff can be frustrating and usually has it's biggest impact at bedtime. Go figure. Check her gums and see if she's got any new breaks in the gums. There's a great product called Gum-omile that they sell at Whole Foods that for my son worked better than Orajel.

If she needs a little soothing it's okay and I agree crying it out does seem cruel when they just need a little extra time to settle into sleep.

Hi there,
Maybe you should stop feeding her during the night. That creates a inconsistant sleep pattern because she has trained her body to wake for food when there is no need for her to eat a night., especially in the middle of the night. That's one thing. Also, it sounds like you might need a stricter schedule for bedtime. If her body get used to going to sleep the same time every night, her body should automaticly be sleepy. She needs to learn to fall asleep on her own all the time. And don't ever take her out of the crib when she cries, if you have decided that it is bedtime, then stick to that decision and be consistant. I even read books to my 2 1/2 year old in her bed. When I started sleep training my daughter, i read the same 3 books to her for weeks! That way when I got to the 3rd book, she understood that it was time to go to sleep. (I also reminded her before I read that last book) It took a while (about 2 weeks) before there was no cring after I said good night, but now she will fall asleep with no problem. This on-line book I have, really gave me the tools to fix our bad habits and change our lives. It is called "Sleep Sense Program". If you want, it I will forward it to you (and any other mom who might need it) Email me at ____@____.com and I will send it to you.
Good luck,
M.

Hello. Our daughter is the same in many ways. We have just rode it out with her and we do not do the cry it out. She is 2 1/2 now and is much much better and asks to go to bed on her own without us prompting. Her 'bed time' still varies but is getting more regular (between 8 - 9pm). Keeping some kind of consistent regular routine is good however like you, it hasn't always worked and so we have remained a bit open about it. We make sure she gets lots of activity during the day - physical exercise is the key to wear her out. We notice that if she doesn't have that she is more energized at night. Also, eating and poop patterns make a difference too. Be patient, be flexible while still letting her know what you expect. When she has protested going to bed, or can't fall asleep we will let her get back up and play for a little while (the house is quiet and lights are dim) but we tell her that she will need to go to bed soon. We also read a lot of sleep books, talk to her about when it is dark it is time to sleep, there is a Yo gabba gabba episode that deals with sleep time and so on. And finally, my husband or I will stay in the room with her until she falls asleep. Sometimes with her head on our lap. (When she was crib sleeping she fell asleep in our lap sometimes before we put her in crib.) This is not for everyone but for us it seems that this is what she still needs. And like I said, now going to be is very much a smooth transition.

I do think that due to children's growth spurts both physical and mental, it is unrealistic to expect them to go to bed, or feel sleepy at the same time every night as they continue to grow. Sometimes their little minds are just processing too much and they need to work it out before sleep. For example, there were some nights when my daughter was younger and she couldn't sleep, she would get up and want to play with blocks. This seemed to work her brain in a way that then allowed her to be ready to go to sleep. Just my instinct.

Good luck and know that 'this too will change.'

My son is also 13 months old, and we did have the same issue often, but it now rarely happens. We don't have a set bed time, I wait for his cue (rubbing his eyes), normally between 7:30 and 8 (sometimes anywhere between 7 to 9, although really only when he's sick or teething). After he's all ready for bed, if he isn't ready, he normally plays quietly or we just hang out together until he's ready. If he can't get to sleep after a while, we do something for a little while and then as soon as he's ready, he goes back to bed. Does take a little longer, but we don't CIO, and he sleeps better that way.