L.A.
I do not understand why
you are upset that your son had a meltdown.
You label him lazy, to me he sounds completely overwhelmed, by school and the tension in his father and stepmothers home and not having his own mother around.. When you and your husband fight about SS, you make it his burden.
What does the school say about his work and attitude at school? What types of help is the school offering and what do you and your husband do at home to help him with his school work?
You and your husband need to quit the bitching and bickering and put some real effort into helping this young boy.
That does not mean being harder on him, it means working together to learn who he is and what motivates him. Include him in positive moments.
If he gets confused, give him instructions always using manners.
"John, Would you please set the table? There will only be 3 of us. I think we will only needs large plates and forks. Thank you."
"John, Could you please get 3 juice glasses and put them on the table? " Thanks, You are a great helper."
" I am making pancakes for breakfast! Please place the syrup bottle on the table. Thank you."
You sound overwhelmed because you are expected to parent alone. You and your husband need to have a real conversation away form the kids about what the plan is.. If this needs to be at the Counselors office, so be it..
This boy is literally crying out for help.
Please help him.