12 Month Old Is Completely Anti-social

This is actually really normal for a child this age, and is a good sign that he has a healthy attachment to you- I know it sounds weird, but I'll explain as briefly as I can. During the first year of life the most important thing a baby does emotionally is develop attachments with their primary caregivers. When this theory was developing researchers found a way to test a child's attachment- they use the "strange situation." They measure a child's reaction to a stranger with mom in the room, when mom leaves the room, and when mom reenters the room. A normal, well adjusted child at this age moves towards mom when the stranger enters, crys when mom leaves, and hugs mom when she comes back. Of course, personality also comes into play and affects the level of the reaction the child has. But unless your child absolutely clings to you and panics, he's doing just what he should. And your description of him "moleing up" sounds just like my daughter. She talks non-stop at home and around adults she is comfortable with, but clams up around anyone new. Furthermore, at this age kids don't actually interact with each other- they parallel play at best, which just means that they play in the same vicinity, occasionally observe each other, and occasionally interact verbally.

The best way to help him develop socially is to continue getting together with the same group of kids as regularly and as frequently as you can- at least weekly. You could also look for classes or activities that have her around other kids regularly- we actually just got back from a "mommy and me" class where they do a craft and sing some songs and play a game. While I was kind of annoyed by the class, it had social value. My daughter made a friend because I babysit another little girl her age, but I had watched her twice a week for over a month before the two started to interact with each other at all. Now she's good with this little girl, but still doesn't interact much with other kids. Odds are good that your son will be shy and selective about his friends, but there's nothing to worry about.

It could just be his personality. My firstborn was like that. Also remember, that at this age, they don't necessarily "play" interactively....they "parallel play." Side by side.

I wouldn't necessarily call it a "problem." Each baby has their own temperament. Sure, at home he's social etc., because you are all familiar to him. This is natural.

My girl, was shy and the type of individual that, even as a baby, she likes to "observe" first and do her own thing...she is cautious and selective in who she warms up to, or what she wants to play with. She is also independent in that sense. We nurture that in her. My boy on the other hand, will play with anyone and anything, anytime. However, if someone he hasn't warmed up to gets directly in his face and "forces" him to interact...he will turn away and stare trying to avoid them....this is a child's way of displaying "boundaries." At this point, I tell the person "my son is shy... you need to give him his space....he's not ready yet...." However, remember that babies/toddlers also have separation anxiety & stranger anxiety... and rather be close to Mommy out in public and amongst others, even if it is around other kids. That is fine too.

I don't expect my children to "have to" interact with people or children if they don't want to. They are learning their own way around the world and people. They may just not be comfortable around everyone. In time, his social skills will develop....but in his own way and in within his own personality.

Give him time. Maybe he is just more introverted among others and other kids. It's about ages and phases too.

Don't feel self conscious though...when your are with him among play groups. Your son has his own preferences on what he is comfortable with and with whom. Give it time, and nurture his nature.

Take care,
~Susan

Hi A.,

My son was like that too, and still is at times (he's almost 3 yrs old). I've found that for him a lot of it has to do with anxiety, and he usually "settles down" around new kids once he's had some time to just watch them and get comfortable with them. For him this can take anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour or more. It also helped when we started him in preschool two days a week.

It sounds like you're doing what you can to expose him to other little kids. He probably just needs some time. :)

Yeah my son was exactly the same way. And he just eventually grew out of it. Maybe just try to have him around other kids as much as you can. Do not be too worried, I think it's fairly normal.

A., this is common for kids who are mostly around adults. Find a good day care that takes kids part time, so h will getused to playing with other kids. He will act differently with the provider than he does with you and your husband. I have a 15 month old who was put in my day care to lern to socialize with other kids and he is doing very well. J.