11 Month Old Still Not Sleeping All Night

Every baby is different but I would think by 10 1/2 months she should be sleeping through the night. I can see how you would be exhausted. I would be too. what if you give her some cereal before bedtime? Not a lot just enough to maybe keep her satisfied until morning. Just a thought. Hope it works out.

J.,
You did this to yourself. Your child takes cues from you about what is acceptable behavior, this is the sleep routine that she has come to expect from you and she hasn't been given any indication that this is not normal. You either have to live with the consequences or take a stand and say enough is enough. Unfortunately, because this has gone on to 11 months, it's going to be a hard habit to break. (one night of crying it out at 3 months and then I had peaceful sleep and a happy baby) At ll months, however I'm not sure how long it will take but you need to be vigilant if you want to sleep. If not, go on doing what you're doing and accept the consequences.

You don't mention if this has been ongoing from birth or if it is a new situation. We practice attachement parenting and found that there were periods of waking up in the middle of the night at different developmental stages, but they were usually isolated periods and then she went back to sleeping all night again. If this is an on going issues I think you need to talk to your peditrican and read a book on teaching your baby to sleep using attachment parenting. By 4 month your child should sleep through the night pretty much so by 11 months she should have an ongoing routine of sleep. It is hard to tell if she is waking out of habit or because she is hungry. Try giving her cereal right before you put her to bed and see if that helps. Also in practicing AP when our daughter would wake up in the middle of the night, I would lay there and listen for a minute or so, to see if she was going to fall back to sleep before I went to get her. I wouldn't let her cry, but I would give her time to fall back to sleep on her own before I went to get her. You might be doing that, but if you aren't try just listening to see if she might go back to sleep on her own.

I am also a single mother and my son was a preemie who had me up a few times a night when he was first born-I found it easier to bring him into bed with me since he would settle right down and go back to sleep. He is now 13 months old and has slept through the night since he has been about 4 months old.
My advice to you is to remain consistent with where you want your daughter to sleep. My son will not sleep for long periods of time in his crib since we co-sleep because when he wakes and doesn't feel me next to him he panics and starts to cry. I put him to bed with me in my bed at night and he sleeps for as long or little as I do. He's very flexible, however the only drawback is that I have to be ready to go to bed when he is, because he won't go to bed without me. I also keep our bedtime around the same time each night so he isn't confused as to why we're in bed. He knows it means its bedtime and we're going to sleep.
He's very well adjusted, happy and thriving (not to mention the absolute love of my life! :) Try a rail bar that will fit under your mattress (they make them for even queen size beds and are only around $20. I also lay his head with a Boppy around it - he seems to feel more secure and safe.
Best of luck to you. She will adjust..I just think you need more consistency that will allow her to fall into a pattern with you.

My son slept in our bed and nursed off and on (mostly on!) through the night until he was 13 months old. We all were sleeping well for the first 10-11 months. By the time he was a year, he was no longer sleeping well. He would start out the night in his crib with me nursing him to sleep and then carefully creeping out of the room. 3-4 hours later he would wake up and we would bring him into our bed. For the rest of the night he was restless, nursing continuously, and thrashing around. None of us were getting quality sleep. We finally got him sleeping through the night by cutting out the nighttime nursing. I started out by nursing him earlier in the night time routine and putting him in the crib sleepy, but not fully asleep. I would rock him and rub his back before putting him in the crib and then gently lay him down and sing to him as he fell asleep. I will admit he did fuss a little for the first few nights, but I felt OK about it because I still responded to his cries, I just did not resort to boob as the only way to soothe him. Once I put him to bed, my husband became the "night time parent". Any time our son cried, Daddy came to him to hug him, check his diaper, help him lie back down-- plenty of comfort, but no nursing. I did not go to him because it was too upsetting for him to see me and not be able to nurse. After two days of horrible sleep, he started sleeping through the night with only one waking 3-4 hours after he first fell asleep. Now, at 17 months, he would still prefer to drift off to slumber attached to me, but I know he is getting a much higher quality sleep on his own in his crib than he would be nursing the night away. He sleeps for 8-9 hours every night and doesn't wet his diaper until he wakes up in the morning. I do not feel that limiting his nursing to daylight hours has hurt his attachment to me at all. I do have to make sure to give him tons of hugs and cuddles throughout the day-- we spend hours cuddled together reading books and learning new words every day-- now that he is only nursing once every day or two, this special cuddle time is especially important.

Hi J.! My son didn't sleep until he was 2! I am also a full time working mom and we went on like this until I had a breakdown! In our case my son was constantly fighting one illness or another between bronchitis, sinus infections, or just runny noses! Turns out he has asthma and severe allergies. If your daughter goes through the same, I would recommend going to an allergist/asthma specialist. It changed my life.

Hello. I'm sure you are really exhausted!!
Have you tried a dreamfeed? We did this with our twins at 4m and they've been sleeping thru ever since.
If you are putting you DD to bed around 9, and her next feeding is usually around 1ish, then around 12-12:30ish (sometime before she usually gets up) and feed her again.
Hunger is waking her up, so if you stuff her belly, and lay her right back down, she should sleep until the next time she usually gets up. Gradually, move up the time of the dreamfeed until she doesn't need it anymore.
The process took about a week for us. I even changed their diapers while they were sleeping (but they were alot younger than your girl- I'm sure she'd get up). I wouldn't change her during the dreamfeed, but at the next one. That way nothing will be keeping her up.
I hope that helps!!

I hate to say this...but it sounds to me that your baby is using your nipples as a soothing device. As much as the next child uses a binky, or thumb...she is using your nipples. A baby at that age can make it through the night without having to eat. Mine does it every single night and she is 9 months old. My daughter does wake up at night (sometimes I hear her playing with her crib toys - but then I hear her start to suck her thumb and she falls right back to sleep). Babies, like adults, don't always sleep through the night completely. But they have to learn at some point how to soothe themselves to sleep. My opinion is that you will have to find a substitute for your breasts - whether it be a binky or letting her cry it out and find ways to soothe herself to sleep. It's a very important lesson to teach them as a mother (as much as it hurts to hear them cry). Good luck. It's going to be tough at 11 months old to get her retrained - but you need sleep. It is more important for you to be rested (you will be a better mother for it).

Hi J.!

What's your "before bed" routine like? I found that pushing up bedtime super early (like 6:30 early), and following a routine every time she goes to sleep (we do a modified version for her nap, but it's essentially the same thing). I posted about this earlier (maybe a month or so ago?), and I describe what works for my daughter - sometimes a bath will be really calming, sometimes super exciting for another kid. Just experiment until you find a routine that works (and then be prepared to do it for the long haul ;)). My daughter is 18 months, and she nurses to sleep every nap and nighttime - I have no problems with that (and obviously neither does my daughter).

For the record, I'm not really into the whole "crying it out" idea either for my family, if you feel like you don't want to go that route, don't. :)

Hi J.,
I know you said crying it out is not an option, I just want to tell you what I went through. I went through the exact thing. Cody is 6 months old and he got used to his routine like yours. He got very used to being nursed and rocked to sleep that when he woke in the middle of the night he was used to going back to sleep that way. I hated the cry it out method but hated being exhausted more. There are different types of crying it out, not complete desertion, research on the internet like we did and let me tell you in 2 nights he has learned to self soothe and go to sleep after only 5-10 minutes of whimpering. This is only his 3rd night and he used to get up at 1am, 3:30am and 5:30am. When he does get up at 5:30am I feed him and sleeps till 7am. Only you as a Mom knows what works but as a Mom too I refused the crying method and tried it as a last resort but it really does work and like I said, there are different types that won't leave you and your little one feeling bad. Here is a website that worked for us. Good luck!

http://www.ehow.com/how_11435_baby-sleep-through.html

I practice attachment parenting as well. (My husband does only because I do.) My daughter didn't sleep all night until she was 18 months old. It turned out that the running I was doing for a neighbor was too much for her, so she got overtired. Then, she couldn't sleep right. I tried the crying it out thing just to see if it would work. It didn't work for her, and I couldn't stand letting my baby cry. She also nursed often, sometimes the entire time she napped. My husband told me "that when they say attachment parenting they didn't mean literally!" because of how much she nursed.

It sounds like you have a good bedtime routine with time for her to unwind. This is probably something that she will just grow out of in time. I would try giving her a snack (not nursing) before bed to make sure that her belly is full enough. Another thing, how much caffeine are you drinking? She could be getting affects from that.

J.
I was parenting both of my daughters pretty much the same way as you are (my oldest will be three this month, youngest 9 months). What I did not too long ago was to start by not feeding him back to sleep at night when he wakes, hold him rock him whatever but do not feed him.... He is waking out of habit not out of need... After you have cut out those feedings nurse him to sleep, lay him in his crib and do not go back in until he crys than go in let him know everything is okay and help him go back to sleep but again dio not feed him unless it is 5 or a reasonable amount of time and you truely feel that he needs to be feed. Your son is old enough that he does not need to be feed in the middle of the night.... A theory I did not want to test myself but my daughter was actually starting to not want to eat in the day time b/c she could nurse whenever she wanted at night. Hard problem to reverse. Anyway, I eventually tried crying it out and it only took a couple of days and now she sleeps from 7:30 to 5:30... eats and than goes back to bed in my bed until around 7:30. That is the only time I allow her to sleep in my bed now because I do not want to confuse her. The crib is now where she needs to be sleeping and she pretty much knows that although sometimes she will protest a little but not much. Good luck.

Hugs! I have 4 kids...and did not do "cry it out" with any of them, so I know that it can be tiring. I also work full time, so I know that a side effect of that can be what you are seeing--"reverse cycling" of the feeds. I'm going to guess that your daughter does not drink much from her bottles in the daytime? This is normal--babies are smart and know they want the milk "fresh from the tap."

I know that for me, there was a big difference when I had to get out of bed at night to respond to my first daughter. That is what led to my co-sleeping. I would encourage you to consider putting your daughter to bed in your bed rather than the crib, or put the crib right next to your bed with the side removed. I'm assuming you are nursing laying down in bed? If you aren't, I encourage you to work on that skill. Definite sleep saver. ;-) Also, if you aren't going to bed soon after your daughter does, I would encourage you to go ahead and wake her to nurse when you do go to bed. She will not need to wake completely if you nurse her laying down--some people call this "dream feeding." The idea is for you to lay there and relax a bit, getting ready to sleep (maybe even actually fall asleep), and fill up her tank so that you can get a longer initial sleep period.

When I was ready to wean my kids from nighttime feeds I would offer a sippy cup of water when they woke up. If they really didn't want that, I'd nurse...but I found that eventually they just quit waking at night. I always started this after they were a year old--although if I remember correctly at least 2 of my kids didn't need it (youngest is 3 now...so memories get fuzzy--LOL!)

Hugs, and good luck!

oh sweetie, it is normal. I know it's tough, but she WILL sleep more. We didn't nightwean until the babes were about 18mo, but I was at home with them, not having to got to work first thing in the morning. Nightweaning, by gently offering an alternative like a glass of water or having your dh settle her back down with expressed milk, might help. But I'd be hesitant to try it until she is at LEAST 1yo.

I swear I didn't get a full night's sleep for 10 years, while I was having babies. They all slept through the night eventually. 10mo is a little young to expect that of them. Have you checked out Dr. Sears' website? He always has great advice http://www.askdrsears.com/splash-attachment.asp

Well, I was in your shoes with my first one. He would wake to nurse 2x a night, even though I knew it was for comfort and not hunger. My son did this until 17 months...and I finally broke down and weaned him. He woke for five nights and I would go to him, bring him in bed, sing to him...it was just as tiring as nursing. On the sixth day, I went to him, rubbed his back and ended up sleeping on the rug next to his crib b/c I didn't want to leave him. He eventually fell back asleep( after 25 min. of tears) and slept the rest of the night. Attachment parenting is wonderful, but you also need your sleep so you can have the energy you need to work full time and be a mom to two girls...she needs to try to learn to put herself back to sleep without the breast. Maybe try a nuk or just bring her in bed and rub her back and sing to her. Try to remember one thing though...happy moms make happy babies, and mommies who sleep are happier! Good luck.

Some real great ideas have already been said. This is long bec. I have a couple of suggestions based on our experiences & what our pediatrician or other moms have suggested to us--good info to have in your mommy toolbox!

For us, having twins, it was not good for our family to get them used to falling asleep while feeding (yes it happened often in the early months, but closer to a 6-8 m we felt-OK, we all need our sleep & you 2 need to learn how to fall asleep on your own.

I would tend to agree that most of the time at close to a year, the night wakings aren't actually hunger, but rather waking out of habit. It could also be due to a lot of the things that go on at this age--new teeth, new physical or verbal skills (waking up to practice talking/standing/jumping--it's always something). Isn't this also a time for seperation anxiety? At about 8 mo & again close to a year, we had relapses of bad bedtimes and night wakings that seemed to be based out of a need to see mommy (or daddy). So seperation anxiety/needing to be reassured that mommy is there could be compounding her need to wake & to feel close by nursing for comfort. (but you know, on occasion even after a year old, one of our twins would wake up in the middle of the night for about a week straight-and after 2 days into this, we realized it must be a growth spurt & she didn't get enough before bed & so yes, a feeding was the answer--but it was always very business like in the middle of the night & she always went back to her bed at night time.

after a brief consult w/a family educator (yes, it felt weird to see a professional but we needed a bedtime routine & strategy for wakings that didn't require such a long time investment on our part-we were tired!) & she suggested:
Set a timer for 5 min at first (really you can chose wahtever time you feel confortable with because the object is to increase the time-we had a puker, so we just started w/ 1 min) we even went down to 30 sec when they were really out of whack & needed to be 'reprogrammed for bedtime). Don't go in RIGHT when she stirs, but 1 min or 30 sec later -maybe she will fall asleep on her own after settling/squirming/fussing around for a bit!(timer helps w/ disciplining you!) Go in, sooth/calm rubbing & words (the counselor emphasized this was a key element--indicating to the child that nighttime was when they sleep & you are there, but she can do it on her own, etc--we say " Good night, name of child, it is night time and time for sleep, I love you, good night" at bed time. AT night wakings, we would shorten to Name, it si time for sleep, good night & walk out after child is back in her bed) then set timer for 30 s/1min. I guess this is a very modified CIO.
You can gradually lengthen the time on the timer...you can increase the time after each 'check-in/sooth'. You can increase the time each night or every couple of nights or every week--do it until you don't need to go back-but each time you go in, do the same thing & walk out. If you need to go backwards to the last interval that worked reliably.
Within a week, we had babies who wanted to fall asleep easily & could almost always put themselves back to bed in the middle of the night when no one was hungry or sick

So I just wanted to offer that CIO isn't as extreme as some people think-the total concept gets a bad rap because I think most people think of it as letting the child cry until they pass out; it isn't just ignoring the child for 30 min-1 hour-But in the end, the strategy you use has to work for everyone in your family-cuz lack of sleep impacts everyone! We couldn't stand or handle 10-15 min of crying, and the one time we tried to let them go just 10 min right away, we ended up cleaning up puke-so everyone was up even later than usual, but the concept can be modified (really the timer was key for us) so you are still reassuring the child that you are around in case they really need you and giving them the tools to get themselves back asleep. They are so smart & want to sleep & they will learn really quick!

Good luck with everything & finding somethign that works for you--just when you get this stage figured out, something else will come along that throws it all out the window!-this too shall pass.

Hi J., my 11 month old is doing the same thing. I used to nurse her as well every time she woke up and she would fall asleep. I've stopped doing that and now lay her back down (if she's standing up in the crib) and rub her stomach or back until she falls back to sleep. This usually takes 5 to 10 minutes and I can go back to bed. It was rough the first few nights I tried it because she didn't want to go back to sleep, but after a while she got the hang of it. I read on AmericanBaby.com that baby's are used to nursing so that's probably why she kept waking up four and five times in the middle of the night. Try it one night and she how she does. If she takes to it a little, keep trying until she gets the hang of it. My daughter still isn't sleeping all the way through the night (she's teething) but she's only waking up twice during the night instead of every one-two hours. I hope this helps you.

Hey J.,
Take it from me, I did my research about the sleep thing when my daughter would not sleep more than 30 mins and then would be up for 2-3 hours before another 20 minute cat nap from sheer exhaustion of the last 2 hours of crying she had just accomplished from 0-6 weeks of age, then I learned the calming reflex. Remember 5 "S"s
Swaddling
Swinging
Shushing
Sucking
Side Stomach
these 5 things together trigger a reflex much like when you pick a kitten up by the back of the neck, a calm almost comatose state of relaxation. It sounds to me like side/stomach and sucking work well for your daughter if she is falling right to sleep while nursing with you... for me shushing = playing any white noise was my saving grace... I simply put a radio next to my daughter's bassinet tuned to static, and turned up loud enough that you can hear it outside her room. In utero the sound from your body and outside it is about the equivilent of running a vaccuum next to her head. The first night I did that with my daughter she slept 5 hours! and by 7 weeks old we had gone from sleeping 20 mins to 8 hours, she now sleeps 7-7 and has for over a yr. Buy "the happiest baby on the block" this book explains the calming reflex and will help you understand her sleeping patterns, I think if I wouldnt have found it I might have sold my daughter on Ebay in another 2 months lol, now with my second child just born on july 28th 2007 4 days old, using the same methods he is already sleeping through the night, while he wakes to feed, we change him nurse him and have him back in his bassinet asleep in under half an hour. Hope it helps!

OH MY GOD!! Did I write this or did you!!! Wow!!! We have very similiar stories!! My son (now 19 months) didn't sleep through the night until he got off "the boob", neither did my neice...once the nursing was gone...WE SLEPT!! I had to abruptly wean him, due to some unfortunate circumstances...however I replaced the nursing with a bottle of warm milk...which I wish now I wouldn't have done, cause now he needs a bottle of milk at night, but i'll worry about that later...anyhow he still sleeps with me - I work full time too!! So night time is all we have!
Good Luck - hit me up sometime, we have a lot in common!!
oh and attachment parenting? is that what i've been doing is called? i didn't know it had a name, i thought i was just trying to over compensate cause i work!! hahaa!

Hi J.,

I know exactly what you are going through...I did that will all of my kids. It can be very exhausting! I like you decided crying it out wasn't an option. So the baby usually, most nights ended up in bed with us. I could lie there and nurse and relax at the same time. I've had no regrets. The only thing different about my situation was I didn't have to get up and go to work the next day. How I managed was I would sleep when the baby would take naps. (Since you work, I am sure your employer would mind you napping. :o) So that's not an option, on to plan B...LOL ) It sounds like a growth spurt to me. My kids seemed to get more hungry...meaning they ate/ nursed a lot more all day...they would nurse more even at night , too. I wish I had the magic solution for you. Me, I just toughed it out, tried different things until the growth spurt stopped. Have you tried giving her a little snack before bed? I mean other than just nursing her. Like a little cereal, something not too sugary. I tried this with my kids...sometimes it worked, other times not so much. Another thought too...maybe she's falling asleep before she's full. Another thing my kids did too. It was hard getting them to nurse enough when they were tired. Try the best you can to keep her awake by rubbing her feet or talking to her. As for you...is there anyone who could watch her occasionally while you napped say right when you come home from work? What about your older daughter? I sometimes would have my older kids play with my younger ones while I would relax on the sofa for a few minutes. Of course they would be near by so I could keep an ear out for them. Ok, one more thing...maybe she misses you? You said you work full time. I am not sure how you handle her nursing feedings while you're at work. Maybe she misses the closeness of you. My kids loved to snuggle with me while they nursed. They liked the closeness and security of it all. Perhaps she's making up for lost time during the day at night? Hmmm...just a thought. Hang in there...this too will pass!

At 11 mos, your daughter no longer physically needs to nurse during the night for nourishment. You could try going to her, but not nursing her. I stopped nursing my son during the night when I knew that he didn't need the nourishment, but I never let him cry when he did wake up, though. I always went to him. Eventually, when he knew that he was only going to get rocked or given water, & not nursed, he didn't wake up nearly as often. Mostly, through the night! And that was without the "crying it out" method.

When my boys began doing this, a friend had just gone through a tragedy. She believed in bring baby to bed to soothe her. Out of sheer exhaustion she fell sound asleep on top of her baby! After hearing of this, I had no problem with the "crying out thing". My boys are now 5 and 7, safe and alive and have slept through the night since nine months old!

I am not trying to sound rude but, if you continue to nurse her everytime she wakes up- how is she learning to pacify herself and put herself back to sleep? I guess my other question is- who needs the comforting more- you or her???

Hello, I know you said that crying it out is not an option but I have a 10 mth old and she has been sleeping through the night since she was 3 mths old. In the begining I was completly against crying it out but when I went back to work I had to do something. I started getting a routine down where I would bathe her, nurse her, read her a book and then put her in the crib. She would be very fussy in the begining but she gradually got used to it. It took about 2 weeks to get her to learn to fall asleep herself but it is worth it. It is hard to listen to them cry but you have to. As long as you know they are not hungry, hurt or have a dirty diaper they will be fine. I just shut the door and let her cry. I never let her cry longer than 30 min but usually in 15-20 min she was sound asleep or playing with her toys in the crib.

Good luck!!