My son's 10th birthday is coming up in a couple weeks. Originally he was going to have a somewhat larger birthday party (invite about 15 boys) because he was invited to a lot of parties this year. However, we decided to take an expensive family trip this summer which means cutting back on some things. We agreed he could have a smaller party/sleepover at home and invite 3 friends. He chose his best friends he hangs out with most. But now I am feeling badly because he was invited to and attended about 12 parties this year. He was new to his school last year and has made a lot of friends in various groups because he is involved in several sports, Boy Scouts, and academic clubs. But, with this trip, we really can't afford to have a big party this year. And FYI, my kids go to a private school where it seems parties are either small and intimate or big and loud with all the works. Should I be concerned that kids who invited him to their parties, but who don't get invited to his will be hurt or be angry with him?Obviously we won't publicize it, but word usually gets out. Thoughts?
Well, what's more important? Keeping a budget or keeping score? You can't worry about everyone else. This is why I plan to do the same thing for DD's parties because we can't afford to entertain a whole classroom worth of kids. As much as we'd like to include everyone, it's just not realistic, and not to be cliche, but disappointment is a part of life that kids need to learn how to deal with. They can't be sheltered forever.
parents are, for the most part, much more concerned about the tit-for-tat than kids are. just practice with him what to say if anyone asks. 'i'm sorry! my parents said because we're doing a big vacation i had to keep my birthday party really small. i had a really good time at yours.'
khairete
S.
We don't reciprocate every party invitation, that's just not necessary or realistic. My kids have sometimes been invited to parties of kids they barely know, often because these are the kind of parents who think bigger is better. And my kids have ALWAYS understood that they won't get invited to every party of every friend either, even if that kid came to theirs.
Now having said that, I'm curious why cost needs to be an issue? I realize a lot of parents feel the need to do the whole pizza/soda/bounce house/laser tag/magician thing, but there are still plenty of parents who do it the old fashioned way, a few hours in the backyard (or at the park) playing games followed by cake and ice cream.
If you are leaning towards the bigger party you can still do it, just keep it simple :)
I don't think you have to be concerned at all. Many of the parties that my kids have attended were not reciprocated and I don't even think twice about it. Everyone realizes that not every child has a b-day party. I wouldn't bill your son's sleepover as a party either....it is a get-together.
That being said I think that if it is really bothering you that you could have a party and only serve cake. HAve it from 2-4 in the afternoon. Kids just love to get together and are not concerned with how lavish a party is. You could do outdoor games that do not need any expensive props or prizes. SOmetimes this kind of party is actually more fun for the kids. Don't be concerned about what everyone else does. I always have the kids parties at a place and do spend some $$ but I wouldn't think twice about a home party either.
In this economy, I would hope that even the well-to-do that have kids in private schools realize that not everyone is in the same financial bracket. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel obligated to have a larger party. You have to do what is financially responsible and not put your family in a financial bind just to please a dozen other people by having a big party. You don't owe anyone any explanation.
Who cares! Everyone is so concerned about hurting everyone's feelings. (I was just talking with a friend about this a few days ago.) It's going to happen. Life happens. Deal with rejection as a kid and it won't hurt them nearly as much as not experiencing it until they are in college and they end up in therapy and on meds because they had never had to deal with someone not inviting them to a party.
We have small parties....reallly small parties. We take the kids somewhere, like Legoland and then have cake and presents for an hour with family and close friends. We used to do the big parties and they ran us around $800. I'm over it....plus no one drops their kids off anymore. All the of the parents stay and it costs a fortune for food.
Suz T. is right.
I truly wouldn't worry about it. Trying to do something beyond your means isn't realistic, if you were to invite all the boys you would have to forgo your family trip as planned, right? And I don't believe that is warranted. It's like "trying to keep up with the Jones'" for looks sake, but sacrificing your family in the process, no way.
Do what you have planned, and if anything is said to your son he can reply that this is what he was offered, and if anything is said to you you can smile and say, "Yes, this is what worked for us!" You're really not beholding to anyone as far as who you invite to your son's party : )
We did the same thing last year. Our son is younger. We simply talked to him about not bragging and making others feel bad. And we "practiced" what to say if someone asked. And to the few moms that asked me about it (there were two and one WAS fishing to find out why her kids weren't invited), I was honest. "We were simply trying to cut back this year. We limited the number of invites out of necessity. Trust me, your kids made the short list. It was VERY hard to choose the invite list." It wasn't really a big deal. For the most part, I don't think people invite kids so their kids will get invited.
It is perfectly all right to not invite more kids. You do what is best for your family at the moment. There will be other opportunities to invite the other kids another time. Let the parents of any hurt or angry children be in charge of helping their own children understand how there are all kinds of situations when it comes to parties and we all encounter small disappointments in this area at some point in our lives.
I think it's more important for all of the boys to be invited & make it a cheap party.....than to leave out someone. :)
A backyard wienie roast + creative games....& they'll all have fun.
Don't worry about following the trends....worry about losing friends. :)
I don't think it should be anything to be worried over - especially if you are having the party after school is out - honestly, word will not filter back to the rest of the class mates for awhile. My son is a June Bday so we never did the invite the whole class thing for parties.
But, why do birthday parties have to be so very expensive? Pizza and cake, or hotdogs and chips, and super-soakers or Nerf toys in the backyard, a couple of movies and whatever gaming system your family already owns is enough to entertain a group of 10 year old boys for an entire afternoon.
Though, I know my son would gladly trade a big party for a vacation somewhere - so you are on the right track with this one. LOL
Wishing your son a very happy birthday and your entire family a lovely vacay!!!
Dont stress over it, as a mother of children who also go to private school, I totally understand how hard it is to have big parties, while paying tuition and all the other bills, just because we have our kids in private schools, doesnt mean we are well to do, some may be not most of the other parents I know are struggling to do. My daughter had a small sleepover this year and my son will be doing the same. I dont think most parents really keep track of who came to their kids party and who's party their kids get invited to. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your son! :)
If it bothers you, but not your son, I'd leave it as you've planned. If it bothers your son, then you might want to do a simple inexpensive party at home for a larger group. If the kids get cake and ice cream and have a chance to play favorite games together for a couple of hours, they'll be happy. No need for fancy decorations and all the other stuff that makes a party expensive.
And think of it this way too.. your son was invited (and presumably attended and took a gift) to the other boys parties. That's what will count most with them. They got their gift and didn't have to worry about coming to your son's party and bring a gift to him.. Maybe that sounds a bit crass, but it seems the most likely way the boys will think of it, if they think of it at all.
What I've done in this situation is let my kid have the bigger party, but invite a few special friends to sleep over afterward. Just caution those kids who are staying over not to brag about it to the other boys. I asked my daughters' friends' moms to drop their sleepover gear off early so it would not be obvious to the other guests as they arrived that some of the girls would be staying over and others would not. Good luck.
if you're really concerned, ask one or two of the moms from the school.
as many posters said, if it's bothering you, but not your son, don't worry about it.
if it is bothering your son, there are some good suggestions below. one more is to use a park. set up a game of kickball. take frisbees or a basketball. or set up a nerf gun war at the park. or make it a water balloon war (a lot of set up, though cheap). we've done these kinds of parties and what we hear as the kids are leaving, "best party ever!" really, all kids want (particularly the overindulged ones) is a chance to play and have fun.
and many parents will be secretly thanking you for making it okay not to do the giant themed thing at a crazy expensive place party.
