10 Year Old Caught Stealing Money

My husband's cousins have caused a similar problem in their family. The kids get into physical fights with everyone. They steal, lie, and tear up anything. their tantrums stop whatever is going on. You can't take them out because of it and most of the the family won't allow the kids at their houses even for Thanksgiving. The parents have drug problems so the boys have basically been neglected. My husband's aunt (the dad's mom) told the parents that she'd take the kids for a month and sent her son and DIL to try to work out their issues. They paid for an extended stay hotel for them because they all live in one house like yours do. It's made a big difference because their grandma is in charge instead of all three adults trying to parent against one another. I'd suggest your family give the idea of giving your sister some time without the responsibility of her kids. As long as she can use the kids as a way to not deal with the past she will. Therapists are really great but there are a LOT of support groups out there for widows and for children who've lost a parent. Convince your sister to go to one meeting and if she hates it she doesn't have to go back. I think she'll see that other people have been devastated by a loss of a loved one but have been able to manage their lives thru their grief. If your parents (or you) want to help then they need to step up and say 'my house my rules' and take your sister out of the disciplinarian role. It will be a relief for everyone. If it's possible to get your sister out of your parents house do it. Leave the kids with your parents and have your sister stay in your home for a short time. She sounds like she hasn't moved on past the first day she moved to your parents house. Losing a husband must be an incredible thing to have to deal with but would their father want the life they have now? ask her

I know some don't agree with Dr. Phil but I have a 10 year old daughter that has been stealing off and on since she was 6 years old. When she was 8 I had enough and looked on his website for help.
His advice, take EVERYTHING OUT OF HER ROOM. All she got was a bed, pillow, and blanket. She had to ask for new clothes and if she went a week without stealing, she got 1 thing back. After 33 days, she had stolen twice. I finally gave her all of her stuff back. Now 2 years later, I need to do it again. She has a sense of entitlement that she deserves everything that mom has and she is only 10.
Maybe it is because kids now adays have to much stuff and just think they deserve more, whether it is there's or not. She tends to steal when I don't let her do what she wants and she gets mad at me. Her way of getting me back.
Respect is something you earn, it is not handed, it also needs to be taught.
Give it a try!

i completely and totally agree with you on this, and yes, it will essientally lead to worse things if it does go untreated. I know that your sister must still be having a hard time with the death that occured, but, her son's wellbeing is kinda at stake here, maybe not now, but definatly later. He can be domestically violent when hes older towards girlfriends and maybe even his mom! It wont matter sadly if he was raised around it. The person I know that's just like this didn't grow up in a home like that. But its just how they'll handle the anger of not getting their way.
The only advise I can give is, Either try theropy again, or everyone is REALLY gonna have to put a foot down, no matter how long or dramatic the tatrums can be. It may take awhile since he is older to crack him of this, but it is worth a try. But everyone has to agree to keep their ground when hes not doing something right. This will effect everyone, expecally his mother to start, BUT if its gonna work then its worth it. Try to explain to him that its unexceptable that he is not a baby anymore and cannot be babied and get his way. Not in an angry way, answering anger with anger wont work, but explain to it to him. Persistence and showing that your serious is key in situations like these. They tend to think they can do things 'unpunished' even if its REALLY bad. So punish when its correct, and don't let him get away with things, even if it hurts. It'll be worth it when hes calmer. He's ten now, think of how hell be in a few years when hes a teenager!!

Counseling is absolutely necessary, for the both of them. Money problems should be the least of her concern. I would go into debt for the rest of my life in order to make sure my son is happy, healthy and learns to be a contributing member of society. His very life is in danger if they don't get control of this now. Have a heart to heart and have your sister look in the mirror. Does she like the way her life is? Does she like the way her son is turning out? She may have made mistakes with him so far, but it's never too late to change.

My brother was indulged by an early age by our paternal grandparents. He is now 52, lives at home and has no sense of responsibility whatsoever. My heart cries for him and my parents daily. Damn the money, they both need counseling, likely individually and together. I'm sure you can find someone who will charge on a sliding scale...something. It has to happen so find a way. God forbid you have to do some sort of intervention and have your parents take guardianship away from her. Remove her from the situation to try and help her son. Too many times people tiptoe around these issues but you really need to hit this headon to reverse this unfortunate cycle right now.

God bless and good luck. I will say my prayers. D.

N.,
The other mom is right. Without your sister's involvement, change won't happen. However, I would suggest researching local options then presenting them to your parents first and then as a united front to your sister. Let her know that all of you want to help your nephew.

One of the first places, I would turn to is the school. Often times, school psychologist can meet with trouble children and offer intervention. Also check the mentoring programs, like the Big Brother/Big Sister in your area. Call them and say you're the aunt who is looking for help. Is your nephew in afterschool programs? Check clubs like the Boy Scouts.

Good luck.
~K.

Your sister is the only one who can fix it. Until she decides to be firm, consistent, and make some rules and consequences, it's not going to happen.
If the child is at your house, you need to set the rules, make the consequences, and stick by them. Explain the rules and the consequences If the boy breaks a rule, he MUST suffer the consequence at your house.
What happens at his own house is your sister's problem.
She needs to get this kid under control now, because when he turns 12 or 15 or 18, it's going to be too late.
LBC

i think the mother needs to go to therapy she needs to see how she is damageung her son and make the changes that will make him a proper member of society good luck A. no hills

Updated

i think the mother needs to go to therapy she needs to see how she is damageung her son and make the changes that will make him a proper member of society good luck A. no hills

Your parents, sister, and nephew all need to get therapy as soon as possible. It's only going to get worse if they all don't get some help. Your parents need to set some ground rules up for your sister and nephew and your sister needs to set some boundaries and rules for her son. It will be tough but they need this in order to stay sane.
When my mom died my kid sister was 8. My father was the same way as your sister, allowing my kid sister to do what she wanted and if she didn't get her way there were major tantrums (during one she pulled a knife on my 6 year old nephew and another she pushed a dresser down the stairs on my pregnant sister) that took their toll on us all. After 3 months of this behavior the state took my kid sister away from my father and she was placed in a mental facility for dangerous kids. All because my father couldn't deal with his grief and be a parent again.
Talk to the nephew's school counselors and get their help and support. Next I would look online for state supported family counseling for everyone.
Good luck.