Oh Keisha, I feel for you. I have three the oldest now 17 y.o. and she is more private than my 11 y.o. Some girls grow faster than others in the way of maturity. What you may have experienced can be so totally the oposite of what your daughter is experiencing. I call our Age the MTV age of raising kids. They watch alot of it and all want it. So our values are more important than ever.
The era of Church that we were raised in is over. We don't even have time for it ourselves. I have started by finding a friend in which she relates that goes to youth group at the church. I've attended the church (even though it's not mine). Then I started letting her go with her girlfriend. She thought she was being allowed to do something "special" with a friend. I'm not a holy roller. Just a believer in God and all that he can give you. Sorry I don't mean to offend, but I don't know how I would have made it thru some of my tuff times without him. Anyway, my eldes teenager is secretive. I started by listening to what she would tell me. I don't try to fix anything just listen and be supportive. Tell her you understand. Once she gains your trust (this may take a while) she will tell you things. You may not be ready to hear what she tells you. It may upset you. Don't yell and scream and try to react. Think about it and talk later about what she can do.
Trust you're instincts; the more secretive you allow her to become, the worse it can get. My guess is someone is making her feel special. They're telling her things that are making her feel good. You need to be the one to tell her what she's doing right (and not always what she does wrong) and she will want to hear more, more, more from you. Did she get an A on something? Did she clean her room? Do her homework? Anything positive. Make her feel special, take her out for this. Rewards are very important and so far and few between. Think about how good praise is in your life. Do you get any? Give our children love and praise!
This is sad, but usually how someone gets close to your child that you wouldn't want to get close to her. Usually, a boy. It can be a 13 y.o. who's small himself, but ready for what she's really not. The more he gains her trust; the more likely he is to take advantage of her vulnerbility. Or, drugs...someone who gains her trust and introduces her to that.
Who am I to say anything...? A older guy raped me at 15. Gaining my trust, telling me I was pretty, buying me a ring; then soon after you know, the bedroom. Of course he dumped me right after. My sister was 13 y.o. and certainly not ready then.
I grew up in the Inner City, went to Patterson High; raised by a single mother who was never home. She loved us, that we knew. She made huge mistakes. She ran constantly in the evennings and wasn't home to monitor the comings and goings of the neighborhood kids using our home as a hang out. Some did drugs. While she was dating a Balto City cop! She says now that she didn't want to bring the men home. I understand, but it's not the kids fault the parent is single.
Luckily we were into Music and attracted people who liked to play it. I started playing in bands at 14 and wound up moving to Vegas. I turned out ok. It could have worked the oposite. Hope I helped....Gabrielle or E.