I have come across an interesting situation recently. My almost 1yr old used to go to bed fine when I would put him down. His bed time routine is bath, lotion, book, bottle, then bed. However, recently when I try to put him down for bed, he seems wired! He just wants to play and play with me (although, I don't encourage it at all). Now my son is a night time waker. He screams out in the middle of the night from what seems like a bad dream. I used to be able to go in and give him a paci or rub his back and he would usually fall back asleep w/out much fuss. Well now, if I go in, he will NOT go back down. Again, all he seems to want to do is play and play. He'll scream until I pick him up. Once, I pick him up, he settles down, but screams when I put him back in his crib. I used to think that he was hurt or sick, but now I am beginning to realize that he just wants to be with me. Now what is very interesting regarding all this is that the moment my husband goes in, my son will go back to bed immediately. No fuss! My husband doesn't seem to be doing anything differently than what I do.
My only thought is, I have been working a lot more hours lately and my son doesn't seem me as much, so perhaps he wants to play with me? If thats the case, what can I do differently during those middle of night wakings to get him to go to back without so much "drama?"
Thanks everyone for your responses. Things have gotten pretty much back to normal. I had my husband going in to put the baby back down when he would get up in the middle of the night. He had to do it for about a week. Then my work schedule went back to normal, so I was spending more time with my son, which seemed to help, cuz at least now he will go to bed w/out a problem. My husband actually went away for a few days which I thought was going to be very difficult, but my son seems to be handling it pretty well. Hopefully it will continue. Someone made a suggestion to not allow my son to watch much TV, which I don't and he still wakes up to what seems to be bad dreams. I don't know what can be causing the bad dreams, but my doc said there really isn't much you can do about it. Anyway, things are back to normal in our household. Thank you all again for your responses.
if you send your husband in first, there shouldn't be a problem. I'm sure your son misses you but they get over about anything. See if hubby can step up to the plate first:)
hi E.,
i have a 15 month old with the same issue. I was working full time and recently became a sahm and my husband now works full time. My daughter only wants him at night and when she wakes he can get her to sleep right away but when with me she wants to play. I realized that maybe i am to worried about her reaction instead of just letting it go. Children pick up on our vibes and know who they can play. Its very normal to try and play the mom and it could be that he does miss you or he knows you will give in. I took my daughter to the doctors the other day and expresseed my concern to him and he stated that at this age they are becoming more strong willed and determind and that i should let her cry it out and learn to self sooth. Very hard a s a mom to hear her cry i think dads have a better ability to tune it out. My advice is try and let him cry it out and when hes awake make it a routine to spend time before bed with him but be firm in having him stay in bed when he wakes and realize he can put himself back to sleep. i am sure you are doing everything right but its ok to set boundaries. Its been a struggle for me and i have been trying to stay firm at night. She has gotten better in the past few days and its amazing how fast they adjust.
Good luck and enjoy the years to come.
Give him an extra 10 minutes of playtime with you. If he is waking up from a bad dream then make sure that he is comforted and also check to see what he is watching during the day for videos. Whatever he is seeing may be beyond his age and causing him confusion in his dreams.
You may want to move the crib as well in the room. Sometimes something as simple as that solves the problem.
Back in November or so, both of my children started doing something similar. They had always gone to bed just fine for me. We co-sleep, and there was never any issue with getting them to fall asleep soon after one of us would lie down with them. I hadn't changed my own routine at all. But both kids (now 3 1/2 years and 15 months) started refusing to go to sleep for me. Mama lying down meant play-time. But if my husband would lie down with them, they would fall asleep instantaneously. I started just letting him put them to sleep and keeping myself out of the room until the kids were asleep. I have no idea what the cause of it was. Even after I was laid off from my job and was home with them all day long, the same problem persisted. It continued until the day in January when my husband left for a military school. Since he's not here to put them to bed, I now have to do it. Most nights they go to bed just fine. My 3 1/2 year old has now taken to sleeping some nights with our 13 year old (who amazingly usually doesn't mind).
I really have no advice...I of course don't know if it was just a phase that would last a short while and disappear...But I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one.
Owe E., remember these days - it wasn't too long ago. Funny part is every child does this around the same time. My daughter did it as well.. Best thing you can do is nothing. I know it sounds harsh to say that but it's absolutely true.. Your child is having a bad dream and the worst thing you can do is touch him or talk to him-
reasons why I say that is because if you did it's like your entering him dreams-and then he will start to take those bad emotins on you( remember he is having a bad dream)
just watch over him so he doesn't hurt himself. But, it seems to happen for a few weeks then passes. My daughter use to cry through out the whole night with bad dreams and then one day it stopped..
Some other suggestions on why this could happen would be lack of sleep during the day- or if your child is about to fall asleep during the day and somehow is rudely awaken and can't go back to sleep.... time frame is just way off...
the above reasons were my daughters, because we were traveling alot and constantly making stops so when she was just about to fall asleep we would stopping and we would wake up to the noise or sound of us getting out of the car..
but, give him attention through out the day - and let him be at night, it will soon pass...
hope this helps,
S.
E.,
I have recently come across the same issue with my 18 month old daughter. Some nights only my husband can put her to sleep no matter how hard I try. She usually screams after being put down and will not stop until one of us gets her. When one of us goes in her room she is jumping and asking to come out of the crib. Most of the time she screams for her dada. I have been working 3 days a week since she was 3 months old and lately I have been working 4, but I really don't think that has any thing to do with her wanting to stay up and play with me or my hubby. My husband doesnt mind putting her down so I just relax, it's ok to let him do it. He works more so she sees him less, I am sure she just misses him and I know he misses her. Like everthing else thats new with her I am sure its just a stage.
Very interesting... Well it could be that there are some changes going on, Is he just mastering walking? Is his moulers comming in? Who knows, I've always been told that when something new is going on he will lack at something else. Anyways, I have been through thiswith my daughter, she definettely favors my husband with some things like play time. Bed time and bath time is my thing. As for waking up in the middle of the night what I have learned is that if she wakes up I change her diper and then I spend about 5-10 min in the rocking chair with her to help her fall beack asleep. If hse doesn't I put her down and let her cry. The 1st couple of times she was miserable but she learned quickly that it's bed time. So now she wont cry longer then maybe a min. SHe just comforts herself back to sleep on those night that she wakes up. It also stoped happening every other night. Maybe you should try that.
Good Luck
I don't see anything wrong with daddy going in to comfort your son and get him back to sleep. If it only takes a minute ...let daddy do it.
E.-
I don't have great advice on how to address the problem but I felt compelled to write to you because you mentioned your working more hours and wondering if that is contributing. As a working mom, I think we give ourselves guilt trips we don't deserve because we feel we aren't spending enough time with our children. I know I felt that way when my first born was little and I am sure I acted on those feelings. As a result, my first child was a horrible sleeper. He didn't sleep past 3 a.m. until he was almost 2 1/2. When my second son was born 2 1/2 years ago, my husband and I were much more relaxed (as everyone says you are the more children you have!) and our youngest son is a great sleeper. Give yourself credit for working- you help support your family, you show your son that women can be many things including a mother and someone who helps others in some way, shape or form.
As to the underlying problem, maybe try having your husband be the one to go in for awhile in the hopes that your little guy will get the point that you aren't coming in and stop bothering waking up.
By the way, both of my boys 5 1/2 and 2 1/2 loved/love preschool. It is hard when they are too little to talk to know what they feel. Once my boys started talking they were always excited about school (on one fun vacation my then 4 year old asked when he got to go back to school!).
Hope these words help- best of luck!
I have found that when my child demands more of me it is because I have not given enough attention to him as "normal". The change in your work and the change in time spent with your son are the cause of the confusion. It is important to talk to him about the changes. Even though he may not full understand. It is also important to have special time with him now that your situation has changed. Until he adjusts to the new arrangement, Daddy should be putting him back to sleep. After 3 to 4 days of the same routine you will see a change! No worries! Everyone will adjust just fine!
Is is possible that the one thing your husband doesn't do is pick him up? Ever?
If you've picked him up, he'll know that if he screams loud enough and hard enough that you'll pick him up and take him out of his crib.
I say let Dad do nighttime duty for a while, since that seems to be working. You can try again in a few weeks when your son has figured out that screaming won't get him out of bed.
Don't over analyze this. I read the other responses and I think it is simple. He wants to spend time with you...that is pretty clear. So pick him up and spend time with him, bring him into your bed if you want. Don't ignore it, that is ridiculous...he needs comfort and ignoring it is saying you don't care. I work as well and take advantage of moments like this to bond with my child. You can tell him it is not time to play, but maybe you could read a book, or just hold him and sing him a song, rock him, cuddle him or bring him to bed with you, he just wants his mommy. No wonder children are so messed up in our society today, their parents aren't sensitive to their needs. It is obvious to me he just wants to bond with you, he is happy to see you. So stop worrying and listen to what your child is telling you.
You both need your sleep! have you considered bringing him
into your bed? Maybe then he'll feel safe and get the time
he needs with you.
YOu'll both sleep better.
