1 Yr. Old Likes Mom and Dad's Bed

Don't fight city hall! Just let her sleep with you at night, shift her into her crib when needed, and snuggle her while you can. She will continue to grow, and want to be on her own very soon. At 1 year, she is just a baby. Realize that Americans like to keep the babies "in cages" on their own, while other cultures share a family bed. In reality, MANY Americans sleep with their babies but just don't admit it unless questioned closely. Go with the flow and best wishes!

Good morning. Well, I'm afraid my advice may not be what you are looking for since my 2 year old is still in our bed. When he was about a year, it really bothered me because I thought "If we don't get him out now, we'll never get him out." But I didn't have the heart to even try - he really sleeps better with us. I finally just decided to not worry about it. He's a sensitive guy who needs lots of closeness and this way he gets it. I also work part time and my husband works quite a bit so he enjoys the fact that our son snuggles into him through the night. Occasionally, I still worry about it and think how nice it would be to sleep without him. But then I remember that he will sleep on his own someday when he's "a big boy" and he will be fine. I would say, as long as you and your husband are in agreement, to think about what you really want and why. If you decide to move, that's great too. My guess is, you'll just have to be very consistent and diligent and she will cry it out for a few nights and be okay. Good luck to you, K..

L.
Parttime worker, 36, married 5 years, 2 year old son.

Do you like having her in bed with you? From your description, she sleeps much better with you guys, and your husband enjoys snuggling with his daughter (assuming this since he's "the one who started this")... I guess I'm just trying to understand the push to change it. If you are sleeping poorly with her in your bed such that your days are negatively affected, then I understand making a change. Are you getting flack from family or friends for cosleeping?

If your husband and daughter AND you enjoy the family bed, I say don't fix what isn't broken! ;) Or continue to transport her to her crib after she's fallen asleep with you guys, if that variation works better.

Bottom line: all over the world, this is how most families sleep - in the same bed, or at minimum in the same room. And don't buy into the fear based parenting of "if you don't get her out now, she'll never make the transition" because that's just not true. I did see one mom reply who has a 6 yr old that hasn't made the transition, but I think that's probably an exception and not the rule. We have 2 kids and have had a bunch of different configurations over the years based on their developmental stages (new crawlers can be such mavericks!): a sidecar cosleeper (which was a glorified stuff holder), all in a queen bed, all in a king bed, start out in bed and transfer to crib, start in crib and transfer to bed, transition to "big girl room" and queen "big girl bed" with one parent snuggling toddler to sleep, then leaving to join spouse in other room. Our daughter transitioned into her own room/bed at 2.5 yrs old and we just made sure it was gradual, gentle, and not scary or lonely. Our son is currently 7 months old and does a combo of crib/family bed. One or 2 mornings a week, we all end up snuggling together in the king bed, and that's pretty darn sweet. They're so little... this time is so fleeting... we'll look back in 10 yrs and marvel at how short the time was that they spent snuggled in bed next to us.

Sorry, getting wistful there! Here are some sources that might help:

If you like the family bed but just want to get more sleep
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

And poke around the sleep archives here - I like this woman's take on things because she is practical, non-fanatical, and in the trenches like us moms
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/sleep/index.html

If you really, really want to make the transition to big girl bed in a big girl room, you can check out "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West aka The Sleep Lady which talks about sleep from birth to age 5 and the different developmental stuff that occurs that affects sleep
http://thesleeplady.com/

Best of luck!

I'm a single mom. My son was sleeping with me most nights until he was 3 years old. It didn't bother me so much until he started taking up the WHOLE bed and my back started hurting. It wasn't easy to break him because he is extremely stubbornen when he wants something. I didn't like the idea of letting him cry it out but I tried it for 3 nights and it worked. So, here's how I broke my son (he was in a toddler bed at the time.)
1) set up a routine: Got on our PJ's, said goodnights to anyone else in the house, brushed our teeth, climbed into bed, read one book and snugged(cuddled)for a few minutes(like 2-3). For a baby bed I would suggest reading and cuddling in a rocking chair IN the CHILD's room. Let them wind down in there and get comfortable to the room...likes dimmer or off when cuddling.
2)I spent the first two weeks sitting by his bed and slowly moving towards the door. He was smart and caught on. So I had to go on to the next step, unfortunately
3)When he came out of his room I would walk him back without saying a word and only holding his hand. Put him back in bed, and walk back out. (This was not easy at all the first night because he was again right by my side.) I ended up the first three nights sitting outside his room with the door open making kissing sounds so he knew I was there, until he fell asleep. Each night the kissing sounds got further apart.
4) After about 5 nights of ourside his door I was able to read his book, cuddle and walk out of the room with one kissing sound and he would go right to sleep.

I stuck with this for two weeks before allowing ANY changes. When he is sick/not feeling well and more leanante. And the first night back in the routine is hard but MOST of the time going to bed is now MUCH easier. It went from being my ABSOLUTE LEAST fav. parenting task to one of my FAV's in three weeks. Hopefully this helps some. I know it sounds like a long time and a lot of work but it will be worth it in the ednd :)

HI K...
I know it is really difficult-the sleeping thing. There are two books I have used with both of my kids-two totally different methods=The No Cry Sleep Solution and the Ferber Method. Both work depending on the personality of your kiddo. Also a few years back I watched a program (I have also read about this too) that children who do not get the required amount of sleep (I think its like 13-15 hours a day for a 1 year old) anyway they only reach like 75% of their brain potential. So make sure she is getting enough sleep.
Hope this advice helps.

Have you tried to do a gradual transition? Like starting off with her crib in your room, and then moving it to her own room? Or how about putting a mattress on the floor in her room, and then one of the parents stays with her as she is falling asleep?

K., I can't offer a way to break her of this habit, but I can tell you that you should do it soon. Our daughter is six and still sleeps with us. Not a good idea. Take care.

Happy Birthday to your little one, she shares her birthday w/ my 3 year old daughter. Man, I feel for you guys. I cannot imagine sharing our bed w/ our daughter that long, but I can see why you have.. Still, it was fine w/ me when she was a nusing baby but she never always slept w/ us and that ended after about a month or so. So since your child is 1 and still sleeping w/ you all you need to boot her out now. It will be a heck of a lot harder later. She is not sleeping enough now and probably would sleep better alone anyway. Do a routine every day for a nap, be home or have whoever give her a nap at a certain time, after lunch probably say 12:30/1 and have like 3 books you read a song maybe rock a bye or make one up whatever, make it the same and then put her in bed say night night and leave, I wouldn't worry about white noise b/c you don't wanna rely on that later on. Seriously, kids crave routine, hogwash to those who disagree, look at the research and you will see that it is the best thing for them. So anyway you puty her in leave and she will cry and you let her. For like 5 min. then go in lay her down quickly say goodnight but don't cuddle etc. then leave and keep doiing it maybe let her cry 10 min. she will eventually fall asleep, it may take an hour or whatever but you have to for her and you. It sucks I know but once they get the routine they go to it. Ity will maybe take a week or 2 or less even. I would get her in a crib for naps and then one night just do it, do a bedtime routine and put her in the crib, she will cry but fall asleep eventually, it stinks and is hard to listen to but she will eventually get the idea and may even like having her own place and security. Gosh parenting is hard, I hope it helps, it's what we did w/ ours and though we have some nights better then others she stays in the bed. Wait till she climbs out that's the hard one, I would rec. the crib tent after finding about it later on that issue.... good luck
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