Ok so now my in laws are both living in my town. My fil is living in a nursering home and my mil is living in an assited living. They seem to be doing good in their living arrangments. They have now been there one week. I visit them once a day. My husband on most days he is visiting them twice a day. My fil was very malnourished he is 6 ft 1 in and he was down to 115 lbs. He doesnt like the food at the nursering home plus he has a severe swallowing problem. Alost anything aggravtes his throat. So my husband or myself have been bringing him dinner every night. We are happy to it...no problem. Ok this is the part that really bugs me. My husband was speaking to his brother on the phone. They were actually thinking of taking their dad out of the nursering home and put him in a local hotel. Then they would hire an aid to stay with him. I do not have patience for such idiotic nonsense. I did say anything instead I left the room. Side note who would paybfor this moronic scheme. We are not wealthy
Ok so I spoke to my nutty husband this morning. He said they were just talking but would not do it. THANK GOD. I think this peculiar option came up because my fil doesnt love the nursering home. However obviously he is there because he was no longer able to take care of himself or my mil. he said some of the male aids are not so gentle.
We have a similar situation. Finally got the in-laws in assisted living. then SIL takes them out! What a mess it caused.
You have my sympathy!
He sounds like he needs the medical care he's receiving right where he is. Maybe your husband and his brother are just coming to terms with their fathers mortality?
Oh my, absolutely not. Please tell your husband to end this nonsense or speak up yourself and point out hat will happen if he falls, get sicker, or gets better and wants some company/activities? A hotel sounds dangerous. Good luck to you all.
I don't know what nursing homes and/or assisted living costs in your state in California it's 3,000.00 to 6,000.00 per month and MORE!. So if your husband's father is unhappy where he is and could have and aid with him, along with visits from family, it might not be as moronic as it seems.
Is your husband's father able to communicate well?
Blessings....
& when that aide is sick or doesn't show up....what happens then?
Boy, I'm with you......they're morons for even contemplating this!
Stand strong.......
"Look, I know you love your dad, and he's your towering hero... but are you trying to come into your inheritance early? He needs 24 hour care, or he'll be dead in under a year. Even WITH 24 hour skilled nursing care, he's at risk for organ failure. "
If they can hire 3 shifts of nurses plus a 4th 'cover' nurse (to cover the holidays and sick days that the 3 shifts will need), AND move out there to supervise, AND foot the bill... Sure. Have at. He'd have his own private hospital room in the hotel.
OTW, they just sound like they can't let the idea of their self sufficient dad go, or they want the life insurance. Not knowing your BIL, either's possible.
((Hint: If you hear the words "Let him go in his own time", it's the inheritance... and there is NOTHING you can do to sway them. If it's not, and he's still their "hero", absolutely insist that they spend at least 4 weeks visiting twice a day or more often to see the condition that he is in. Not a weekend where he'll burn through energy to entertain them/ keep up his image, not a week where he'll still be trying to put up a good front, but a solid month so that he reverts to his NORMAL.))
Really stupid idea... his swallowing issue needs to be watched and given therapy thru a speech therapist which they probably have him doing at the nursing home.
Why do some people have such stupid and harmful ideas? You need to tell them point blank that it could be considered neglect with his health issues to do this.
I agree with you! He is safe and comfortable where he is now. Why change that and put him in potential danger!!!! Who knows the aide could not show up one day and he would be left with no one. OR alot would rest on your shoulders to go to his rescue. Please try to convince brother to leave it alone. GL
M
Not a good idea at all. Just say NO!
LMAO I'm sorry. I hate to laugh but it really is a moronic idea. What's his idea with this? What's the difference where he's at as long as he's getting the care he needs? And his care would be worse at a hotel with an aid vs a nursing home with better care that is round the clock and insurance paid or assisted. Sounds like he just doesn't like the words "nursing home". Crazy.
If your FIL is that thin, no matter his height, he should be on a feeding tube with IVs. I was a nursing aid for 2.5 years many years ago. That's more than malnourished.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
Hotel room? Really?
At least if they had said an apartment it would have made a LITTLE sense.
Hi, C.:
Why do the brothers want to take fil out of the nursing home, put him in a hotel and hire an aide to take care of him?
What is the motivation? Once you find that out, you can offer an alternative solution.
Check to see if they have RSVP in your area. I believe they are volunteers that can go into the nursing home and assist your fil. Or check on companion aides that might be able to go into the nursing home to feed your fil.
Ask the members of the church to go in and feed your fil.
Find out the motivation and then seek alternative solutions.
Hope this helps.
D.
Updated
Hi, C.:
Why do the brothers want to take fil out of the nursing home, put him in a hotel and hire an aide to take care of him?
What is the motivation? Once you find that out, you can offer an alternative solution.
Check to see if they have RSVP in your area. I believe they are volunteers that can go into the nursing home and assist your fil. Or check on companion aides that might be able to go into the nursing home to feed your fil.
Ask the members of the church to go in and feed your fil.
Find out the motivation and then seek alternative solutions.
Hope this helps.
D.
Oh. Good. Lord.
That is the most ridiculous and poorly hatched plan I have heard in a while.
A HOTEL? Yikes. Not even close to be comparable. What even brought that option up?
Oh heck no!
We kept our Grandfather in his own home for many many years. with caregivers and Hospice.. We went through all of his money and then we all as a family gave up our inheritance so he could stay there as long as possible..He had been under Hospice care when he was 92.. He lived to be 103! Talk about a long haul..
He did not have swallowing issues but needed all sorts of other care.
Managing the caregivers was a full time job(over 10 years) for my MIL.. When the caregivers flaked out, got ill or died!, which happened all of the time, we the family had to fill in.
A hotel may not want the liability of an ill person on their property all of the time, special beds, chairs, potties, he ends up being a safety risk and liability being on their property.,. , so you know what that means, dear old dad will end up in someones home..
Keep him where he is at. The Doctors and Nurses and trained caregivers are there..
Taking him food each night does 2 things. It makes sure he eats, but it also keeps that nursing home on their toes because they know you all are very aware of the care he is getting.
