I was wondering how you moms deal with strangers touching your baby. I have a 10-month-old son and ever since we started taking him out a lot when he was about 3mo, we have had to deal with this constantly. He has been sick twice and it was so miserable both times, plus he hates it. I can't stand people touching him because of that. Who knows when these people have washed their hands last?? For a while I would pull him away when I saw somebody reaching for him and say, "Oh, no touching during flu season!" and most people were not offended by that. But now that it's summer I am at a loss. What are these people thinking??
Thanks so much for all the responses! I esp like the advice that it's ok to be the mama bear and that he is more important than anyone's feelings. It's hard because there is a part of me that wants to show him to be nice, but there is a bigger part of me that wants his space to be respected and esp in today's world, he shouldn't be subject to adults touching him when it makes him uncomfortable, and it obviously does. I think I would be doing him a disservice to teach him that he should let people touch him when he doesn't want them to!! And clearly, he doesn't. I am still interested in more feedback if anyone has it!!
PS -- I realize he is going to be exposed to germs no matter what, and a little exposure is good for his immune system, but that is not a good enough reason to let him be touched by the checker at Safeway who has just touched god knows how many hands, and god knows how many of those people actually washed their hands after using the bathroom, etc. (Have you ever paid attention to how few people actually wash their hands well in a public bathroom??) It's not like we are trying to keep him in a bubble.
I wear my son in a baby carrier. They are wayyyy less likely to touch! I have a gypsymomma wrap which works well, an active mom carrier, which I also love, and a ring-sling. I actually have more, but those work the best :). Ergo's work great too! Just stay away from Bjorns as they hang all their weight on their crotch and can cause hip displacia (spelling???) Good luck!!!
When my baby is in a sling, people are less likely to touch her because she's in my personal space and people are less likely to go there. Also, with kids I say, touch her legs and head, OK? Maybe that would work with adults? Finally, you can't stop all illness, no matter what you do, so don't get too upset by it. Good luck!
I have to say that I am absolutely shocked by the number of moms who have this problem! It would NEVER occur to me to touch a stranger's baby! I also do not remember ever having a stranger touch my daughter when she was out in public.
From the responses you have received, it seems possible that people are more likely to ask permission before touching a stranger's DOG than a stranger's baby! Too bad babies don't bite!
Honestly, I must say that it is just natural for people to want to touch babies. That's just a natural, communal response to an infant, and it can't be changed. Also, you simply can't be sure that he got sick from people touching him - it's far more likely that he got sick from airborne germs, or from him touching something else. At ten months, I would say that it's pretty much okay for him to be touched and held by other people. Much as we would love it, we can't protect them from the world forever! They need to get sick to build their immune systems, and it is a wonderful blessing for other people to get to hold our little ones - especially the older women who are longing to be able to hold a baby again. Blessings!
All of the other posters are alot nicer than I am about this. My 3 year old daughter is beautiful and people always want to touch her. It's been that way from the beginning and I am running across the same issue with my new son. I have had to just tell people that I don't want them to put their hands on her or him. They are human and should have their space respected as well. I am just very matter of fact with people and they can either respect it or go throw a fit elsewhere. You are the first and only line of defense for your son. You are the parent and you have to make sure that people don't mess with your baby. You can do it without being hateful but you will piss people off. Many people don't mean harm and they also don't understand that space needs to be respected...especially in the times we live. Just be direct but with a smile on your face. How people handle it is not your problem. Good luck.
Hi A.,
Let me start by saying that I let people hold my first child in the begining. We went to Hawaii when she was 4 months old and this little chinese lady asked to hold her. I did not see a problem with it until she took off through the market place to show her off to all her friends. Needless to say I was right behind her and after that I did not let anyone I did not know hold any of my children. I did not pitch a fit or anything and I let her show off my child as I realize that is just their culture. As far as the germ thing goes, I was very torn about everything as I suffer from OCD (obsessive, compulsive, disorder), but was raised immersed in the medical field. You do have to be exposed to germs in order to have a strong immune system. However, you can build your immune system up by eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetable, taking your vitamins and getting lots of exercise. You can't keep your child in a bubble, but you can give him a protective shield against germs buy teaching him all the right things. I have six children and they were all touched by strangers often as I am a person constantly on the move and people really loved my children with their big eyes, tan skin, curly hair and chubby cheeks. I myself find it hard not to touch other peoples babies when they are so cute, but I do realize that their are a lot of mothers that do not like it so I have resigned myself if I do touch a baby it is thier feet only. I will wave at them and talk to them otherwise, but I keep a safe distance. If I am sick at all I do not get close to a child at all, I admire from afar. I would hope that we could all have common sense enough to do the same. What I have realized over the years is that the only thing about common sense and common curtousy any more is that they are NOT common. By the way all of my children have been very healthy and do not get sick often at all. My oldest is now 21 and my youngest is 11. What ever you decide to do, just know it is your right and your responsibilty to make the decisions for your child. So when you make your decision, just know that there is no right or wrong in this situation, just what is right for you. Good luck and God bless.
D.
A.,
You are not wrong. People should know better. Babies (and quite frankly, pregnant women) are not public property. Nobody has any right to touch your baby (or your pregnant belly). I always hated that with my two babies and I finally got to the point when I just turned around with my kids - or kept them in strollers to avoid the contact. It seemed to happen more when I was holding them.
At any rate, you are allowed to tell people "Please do not touch my child." You can add all kind of tags to it: Have you just washed your hands? He's been sick, I would appreciate you not touching him. Whatever you feel like.
Bottom line: who are you going to protect? Strangers feelings or your child? It's ok to be a mama bear.
Here's how to deal with it. Relax. If no one ever touches your baby he will never build up an immune system. Also, you're giving your baby a terrible fear of the outside world. He should enjoy life, and people without feeling panic over a little cold. Just wait until he's two and starts eating dirt. You'll chill out a bit after that.
I used to just blame it on my baby and say something like "He gets sick so easily (total lie), I have to be careful of germs...please don't touch". Or I would only allow top of the head touches. Their little fat arms can't reach up there to swipe the germs into their mouths or noses anyway.
This seemed to work and they didn't touch "transmitable areas" like hadnds and face.
My boys were particularly adorable babies (fat and smiling) and people always wanted to pinch or even kiss them (total strangers!) So I feel you pain!
I had the same problem with my first child. It really bothered me when people tried to touch him, he had RSV when he was a month old so I was so freaked about it. You as the mother need to protect your child. If you don't want anyone touching your child then you just have to be as polite as possible and ask for no touching. Most people will undersrand. But you will get those who think that they know whats really best for your child. I always smile and nod!!!! You are the one who has to deal with a sick and fussy child not them. Stand up for what you think is right because in the end that is all that really matters. Good luck, I know it's hard!
I really don't have any advice. I just wanted to let you know I have the same problem with people always wanting to touch my baby girl about the same age as your son. She has such fat thighs that everyone always wants to touch them. My daughter will actually start wailing, you know the cry where they are dead silent and you can see it coming and then she starting wailing, whenever someone touches her.
(grrrr and ugh)
can n-o-t stand when people don't ask first (!!!)
I also can't believe I have to tell people to not offer my son candy, cookies, soda... (what the...?) Or any food for that matter: I don't know you or where your food came from, knucklehead...
A creepy lady gave our son a stuffed animal once (after we repeatedly refused), it "conveniently" got left behind!
Sorry, venting... {wink}
T
Keep lots of wipes on hand and take a deep breath!
With my son (who is now 22 months, and now he's the one I have to worry about touching everything!) anyways, with him, if someone was coming up wanting to talk to him and touch him, I would just say something like, "He's been sick, we don't want to spread the germs." Or "He's just getting over being sick, I don't want to give him any germs." It worked like a charm without having to just say, don't touch my baby. I know, it's a lie, but my babies health is worth it. As far as all the opinions on they need germs to build their immune system, that is true, but I think they find enough on their own, you don't need to let evey stranger who has put their hands who knows where to introduce germs to them. You are wise for trying to not let strangers touch your child. Good luck!
I don't think you need to apologize for protecting your son. I'm especially vigilant about other children touching. I just say "no touching", or "feet only" - we're trying to stay healthy. Either that, or just carry baby wipes and wipe him down right after - I've done that too:)
I don't know where you're writing from, but in our area, it's a cultural thing. You're not "supposed" to admire/compliment a baby or young child without touching them. There are reasons for that on a spiritual/energetic level. Meanwhile... kids are going to pick up germs - that's what helps them grow stronger. There are studies that show certain serious illnesses (like MS)are linked to growing up in environments that are too sterile. EnJoy your baby's irresistibility!
There are a lot of things that children get sick from and while it is difficult to see your child be sick, this builds their immune system. Just focus on washing your hands and babies hands.
I agree with Leigh and Dawn. While you do not want just ANYONE to touch your baby, you don't want to keep him in a bubble either. So many children get sick nowadays just from going outside because people have been trying to keep everything around them disinfected. I had a problem with both my boys, I guess they were too cute. My first one spent the first three years here in the States, where people looked at him, some times held him and were on their way. I spent five months in Mexico with my second one, when he was 4 months old. Down there, just from family, he was being held by about 20 people on any given day, and I couldn't tell you when they washed their hands last. The result: my younger one rarely gets sick, and while my older one is still pretty healthy, he has more allergies than the little one.
Anyway, I'd recommend you play it by ear. Let some people touch him, but you decide who, and to what extent. When my older son was little, I held him next to me and held his hand, and kind of waved it, keeping him at a distance when people looked at him, saying "Say hi, baby!" and if they wanted to touch him, even hold him, I would hug him tighter and say "no, that's ok, I'd like to hold him right now." And really, you don't need to care about other people's feelings, period.
Good luck, and congratulations on having such a cute baby!
www.handsoffbaby.com They have signs that attach to car seats and strollers that say "Wash Hands Before Touching Baby" they truly work!
Hi A.,
I am sorry to hear about your son getting sick a couple times. As a new mother myself, I know this is hard on your son and especially hard on you. I have a one year old little girl who seems to have an amazing immune system so I thought I would share my experience in case it might offer you some help. Before Lucy was born I was thinking about how I was going to deal with germ issues. Like Lucy, I never get sick but my husband is quite the opposite. I talked to both of our mothers to find out what their philosophies were concerning germs and was surprised to discover that basically my mother didn't have one and my husband's mother was really careful about hand washing, exposure to animals, sanitizing, etc. Soon after, I read an article in Newsweek that was all about how our children's immune systems are weakening because of kids' lack of exposure to germs. They reported that children who were raised on farms had the strongest immune systems because of the constant exposure to the animals and all they bring with them. Interesting, huh. So my philosophy was adopted from my mother, and low and behold Lucy has yet to get sick. Just thought I would share. Good luck!
