You Know You Live with Little Boys When...

Three-fourths of my children are boys. Including my husband, my daughter and I are severely outnumbered. I hear my friends talk about having a house-full of girls, and anytime you have three children of the same sex living in one house, it tends to change the dynamics.

So let me tell you about living with little boys:

With a house full of boys, the bathroom always smells like urine. Oh, so you have three girls and your bathroom smells too pretty? Like lotions, and sprays and soaps? Well mine smells like it has been hosed down with bodily fluids… because it has. Have you ever watched little boys pee in the potty? They never pay attention to what they are doing. If a thought crosses their mind, or they turn their eyes to check something out – THAT is where the stream goes. And no matter how many times you tell them here where to find the Lysol wipes, they won’t use them. They didn’t even notice the yellow dripping down the wall.

If your house is full of girls, it is surely littered with all of their favorite toys, but I am certain that not EVERY.SINGLE.TOY contains a sharp edge or painful surface. Little boys play with things, that when left on the carpet, can cause extreme injury to a bare foot. If only I had a dollar for every time I have stepped on a Lego and exclaimed a swear word as I crashed to the floor. My daughter has Barbies with pink dresses and soft, flowing hair. I have never once been injured by My Little Pony.

If you are sensitive you may just want to bypass this section.

When you live in a house-full of boys you will never breathe clean air again. Everyone has bodily functions, but males embrace them as trophies. While as adults, men have learned that in society it is proper to be discreet…. little boys, however, have not. They will burp and fart every time they can possibly squeeze one out. When they are not burping or farting, they will be talking about burping and farting. Why I am crudely using the word “fart” you ask? Because you need to understand that no matter how many times you scold them and tell them that is an ugly word, it won’t help, because evidently the word is hysterical.

Three little boys sitting in a line, one says “fart”, three laugh. I am sure grown men would respond in the same way. It’s hardwired. Still, I have a strict no-bodily-functions-at-the-dinner table rule, but all this means is after they do it, they apologize, then giggle. And please understand me that with three boys there is a constant stream of giggles.

Boys brains are very simple. If they think it, they will attempt it. A team of three boys can come up with some bazaar stunts all while their sisters are in their rooms reading a nice book. My theory is boys live their lives trying to break bones and they have mothers to try and stop it. Even if you catch a little boys doing something dangerous and you demand that he freeze in his tracks… he cannot. Once the plan is set into motion, it simply must be completed.

My boys are all little and I can only imagine what it will be like when they are teenagers. My guess is the list will pretty much be the same.

Even with all of this, no one will ever love you like a son. Boys may seem simple but their hearts are huge. My daughter and I will forever be princesses. No one is allowed to hurt our feelings or make us sad. They may fight with their sister like cats and dogs but no one else is allowed to say a cross word. If the day ever arrives when her daddy will let her date (right now he says MAYBE at 30), you can bet her three brothers will be right there making sure she is being treated respectfully.

Little boys need their mother to be okay. Even from itty bitty boys are wired to take care of mom. Any time I have been sad or upset, they were the first ones there asking me what was wrong. They want to help fix whatever is broken. While it is true that boys go through stages when it is not cool to hug and kiss mom, that does not mean they won’t pass you in the hall, when no one else is around, and say “I love you, Mom” and keep moving.

You know he means it too.

I believe the mother-daughter relationship is often complicated and at times challenging, especially as they enter those teen years, and of course I adore my daughter — but I am braced for impact in a few years. I was a teenage daughter once, too.

So I will keep my three messy, dirty, windy, boisterous little stunt men. You mothers of multiple girls let me know how that is going in a few years.

Tonja used to live in the grown up world, but now she has a husband, four kids and a princess dog. She refuses to lose her sanity, or herself. If she’s going to be the mother of four, she’ll do it in great shoes. You can read more about Tonja’s hilarious escapades on her blog. You can also find her Facebook. and Pinterest.