What is a Tiger Mom?
It’s rare to be able to track a parenting trend back to one person, but there’s no doubt that Yale professor Amy Chua is to thank for the rise of the tiger mom — or at least, the rise of that name. Her 2011 book, “The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” sparked a worldwide debate: does being hard on your kids help or hurt them?
In her book, Chua described making her two young daughters practice piano and violin for hours a day and threatening to give away their toys to motivate them. She outlawed most social activities, demanded that her daughters rank at the top of their classes in every subject and even rejected a card her daughter made her because it wasn’t good enough.
Although she coined the term “tiger mother” (she was born in the Year of the Tiger, per the Chinese zodiac), Chua’s philosophy was not new. A strict, demanding, achievement-focused parenting style was typical of Chinese mothers, said Chua — herself the daughter of Chinese immigrants.
Some of Chua’s actions were extreme. But many moms recognized themselves in her, especially those who had been raised by similarly strict parents.
Real Life Tigers
“Growing up, I never had sleep-overs [and] I worked everyday (and weekends) after school at our family restaurant,” says Edna Ma, a physician anesthesiologist and mother of a 5 year-old son and 2 year-old daughter. “My parents were poor, so we didn’t have private music lessons. But we understood the importance of education. This is a principle I wish to impart on my children. Being educated gives you choices in life.”
To that end, she’s committed to strictly structuring her children’s academic lives. Her son will be enrolling in a mandarin immersion kindergarten program this year, and he takes piano and tennis lessons on the weekends. Despite having just finished preschool, Ma says he’s reading at a first-grade level. “Some of my friends refer to me as ‘tiger mom,’ but I doubt I qualify under the strict definition!” she says.
Arthia Nixon has been called a tiger mom too, a title she somewhat embraces — even calling her 12-year-old daughter her “cub.” However, she doesn’t agree with the people who have called her too strict or stern. “I have high expectations [and] demand exceptionalism,” she explains.
Like Ma, Nixon grew up knowing what it was to struggle, and she’s determined to give her daughter a different life. “I’m Caribbean born and raised and honestly can’t stand a pampered, feathered approach to parenting some American kids go through,” she says. “This is a place of opportunity and we know what we left back home so you better remember that I chose to leave my country and stay here so that you can fly so high, you set the bar for those who come behind you.”
As for Chua, it’s worth noting that her daughters, now adults, have thrived. Both attended Harvard and say that their childhoods — though tough — were happy ones.
Kathryn Walsh is a freelance writer specializing in parenting and travel topics. Her work has appeared on mom.me, TheBump.com, and USAToday.com.
