We Each Learn Differently

Today, I am feeling sad and defeated. I have been mulling the idea of this post around in my head since August and I didn’t know where to start, but I am filled with so much emotion that I guess today is the day. I don’t know if that’s a good thing. Is writing while emotional ideal? Didn’t Bill Murray say to the groundhog in Groundhog Day, “Don’t drive angry!”?

Well, Mamma is driving angry, so put on your seat belts, folks.

I found out that our uber-creative and energetic daughter has ADHD. Were we surprised? Not really. I had inklings all along, but because she is bright, her grades were good until last year, and it’s not a huge impairment on the scale of impairments, she had been able to slip through the cracks.

I asked each of her teachers ever year what they thought, and I got the “eh” with a shrug, and a, “Well, I guess we could have her tested.” Last year, we got an email from her 4th grade teacher saying we really should have our daughter tested, then no follow up at all! Not from her or the school psychologist who only comes in once a week. And if you don’t fit into that day – you, my friend, are SOL. Truthfully, I am not convinced he actually exists. Many have yet to actually see him in the flesh. (To this very day, I have still not heard from this man.)

You have to be your own child’s advocate to get anything done. Thank Heaven our daughter’s teachers are wonderful and committed to helping her. But most of them are not trained to deal with the special challenges of an ADHD child, and are doing their best on their own, with no special needs support from the administration.

So, what I have come to realize, sadly, is that the cracks in this Catholic school ARE HUGE. Like, Grand Canyon huge. I am not going to sit and continue to complain about our daughter’s current school. What ails them when it comes to special needs families ails all Catholic schools, and that’s the lack of resources to support special needs. However, what I don’t understand is how we are constantly fundraising all year until we are exhausted – and broke – and there are no resources. But, I said I wouldn’t complain.

I am Catholic. I believe in God and Jesus. I live my life trying to be a steward to my faith and my community. I really, really wanted to raise my daughter while being part of a Catholic school. It’s how I was raised. What I don’t understand is how the Archdiocese of Chicago can completely ignore special needs in their school system. I went to their Catholic Schools’ website, and the “inclusive education” page gave some lip service about making sure everyone gets a good education, and provided an annoying form/survey to fill out. They leave supporting special needs families to the realm of each school: no sweeping philosophy, vision, approach or belief. Nothing. No vision. No leadership. No help.

A few months ago, many schools had open houses for prospective parents to tour. I was up until 2 a.m. looking at reviews and visiting websites to make a tour list for myself. I was trying desperately to find a Catholic school better suited to my child, one that can accommodate her ADHD. This is what saddened me the most, and why I am finally writing this post: many of them did not even talk about special needs, and if they did, it was a few sentences at best.

Jesus taught this very popular lesson:

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’"
(Matthew 25.35-40 ESV)

Ignoring the issues of special needs families in the Catholic school system goes against the very teachings of Christianity, and the very core of what we teach our own children in these schools. Am I the only one who sees the horrifying irony of this truth? Do Catholic schools want to weed out these children and focus on just the fast track kids who can get awesome test scores and get into Harvard? Because that’s what it looks like to me, and it saddens my heart and my soul.

When I went searching for support to get our daughter tested, our school ignored us and there was nothing I could find on the Archdiocese website. Do you know where I finally found help and a wonderful community that has been an awesome support to our family? The Jewish Family Counseling Center. Yup. That’s right. They are all-inclusive, with their arms wide open. They have been a blessing. And they are a Jewish community center. I thank God for them everyday. They have been a life raft in the stormy sea of learning disabilities we have found ourselves in. I love, love, love them. Why doesn’t the Catholic community have anything like this place? SAD.

This whole awful journey has made me realize a lot. One, is that we each learn differently. We all have special strengths and weaknesses. Some kids are visual learners. Some are more methodical. Some need to “do,” and some need to “read” then “do.” Some memorize for a test and do well. Some are more creative.
In many ways, I don’t think our educational system has evolved much from the “little red schoolhouse” days. Think about it. Back then they had a group of kids with all different ages and backgrounds in one room, being taught the basics by one lonely teacher. And that poor teacher had to accommodate not just each age level, but each child’s ability as well.

Not much has changed. Yes, kids are closer in age in the grade levels, but that’s about it. Throw them all in one room, teach the same curriculum in the same way to all of them, and hope they all “get it.” Public schools have at least tried to accommodate children that have special needs. Maybe Catholic schools want kids at the same level in the same room to make their lives easier? I am not sure, but maybe the whole model needs to change.

I read that the Bill Gates Foundation was trying out some test schools that involved more independent learning, with each child having their own “cubicle” and then collaborating on projects with other students. I don’t know how that went, but I urge innovators today to start looking at our antiquated school model.

Unfortunately, that’s not going to help me right now. Right now, I need to open up my school options to help my daughter be the best she can be. I need to be her advocate. The Catholic church tries to stay relevant to today’s families, however, I don’t think ignoring special needs children in their school system is a good way to achieve that. And if we turn to The Bible, it’s pretty clear Jesus wouldn’t have wanted it, either.

Flora Caputo is a mom of a precocious daughter, an Executive Creative Director at a Chicago boutique ad agency, and everything in between. From cooking, gardening, crafting and motherhood balanced by a high-pressure career, join her journey to keeping it all together at Urban Domestic Diva.