The Worst Halloween Costume Ever. Seriously.
It’s almost Halloween and I thought I would tell the story of my worst costume ever. You know this is sure to be horrifying and embarrassing to no end.
I was 12-years-old and hadn’t yet come become the natural beauty that I am now. What I did have was awkwardness; I was skinny to a fault, I had braces, and very little fashion sense. I wasn’t pretty or even cute. I was gawky and insecure.
The Halloween season was in full swing and I wanted to make a splash with a homemade costume. I was all about uniqueness and I was sure I had the market cornered with my idea. I didn’t tell anyone except my parents. As a parent myself, I can honestly say mine should have run some heavy intervention. They should have suggested some alternative, possible grounding, breaking my leg, or something to ensure that I did not wear the costume I had designed.
But they didn’t.
I was totally pumped about that year’s Halloween because the neighboring elementary school had a 7th and 8th grade dance. The boy I had a crush on was going to be there and I was sure he would see me and admire my creativity, looking past all of my adolescent dorkiness.
All the girls were a twitter about their costumes but I managed to stay mum about mine. My best friend and I were attending the dance together and her mom was going to drop us off. The night arrived, she knocked on my door, I opened the door to see an adorable French Maid. She looked at me and was less enthused – mortified might be the correct word.
I was dressed as a bag of walnuts. You heard me – I was a bag of nuts. WTF was I thinking? Where was the family involvement to warn me off this idea? I was wearing a burlap nut bag (itchy), brown tights (to showcase my stick legs), a brown turtleneck, and the creme de la creme of the whole outfit – a tight head sock in brown. Oh it get’s better… I attached actual walnuts to the hat. Holy Shit!
How I didn’t see that this was a horrendous idea is beyond me. My poor friend just stood at the door staring at me. Looking back I can’t help but feel sorry for her for having to walk into the dance with a bag of nuts.
The worst part? When I danced the nuts on my head bounced up and down and basically beat me in the head all night long – giving me a nut induced headache. Yup, I actually attached the walnuts to my head sock so that they moved and swayed with me. With every step I was beat in the head by a nut.
The sexual innuendo’s of this scenario are not lost on me.
Sadly I did not get that dance with the boy I pined for – hard to believe, right? I watched him dance with witches, Madonna’s, waitresses, and all of the other girls dressed in normal costumes. The only good thing about this event was that there were no pictures.
What is the worst costume you ever wore? I don’t think it is possible to beat mine, but would love to know!
Originally from NJ, Alyson now lives in the Midwest but has kept her sarcastic cynical Jersey attitude. She is the mother of two kids who provide constant fodder for her blog, The Shitastrophy. Her husband lives in fear that every thing he does or says will be highlighted in her next post, Facebook update, or Tweet. Alyson loves her two huge dogs, even if they do eat their weight in food each month. You can also find her on Pinterest and Google+.
