The Makings Of A Scaredy Cat

My oldest daughter, like myself, is a chicken. However, unlike me, she isn’t always frightened by the things I would expect.

Our experience at a mini-petting zoo was the thing that sparked my interest in taking a more scientific approach to understanding fear. The event was targeted at the three to five year old crowd, and at two, she was the youngest participant when I snuck her in (she’s always loved animals, and it seemed right up her alley).

All the kids were delighted as the animal caretaker brought out a chinchilla, followed by a chick, followed by a bunny. However, near the end of the show, the animal wrangler gave a sly grin and pulled out a gigantic (at least to me) cockroach and a hairy spider. Every kid in the room shrieked and scrambled away except my daughter who happily pet them like any other animal.

From my vantage point (safely removed from the cockroach and spider), it dawned on me that some fears obviously need to be learned and got me wondering about how that process happens.

While the literature on fear is extensive, there are basically three stages that all kids go through in the same order (if not exactly at the same ages). To put fairly non-scientific labels on them, I’ll call the categories internal, external and social.

Internal:

The first example that new parents encounter is separation anxiety. A newborn is pretty happy with attention from anyone up until about 6 months of age. At that point, they reach a mental maturity level to comprehend object permanence. In other words, they generally understood that mommy (or daddy, etc.) existed when they were in sight, but now they understand that mommy still exists even when she’s not in the room. And trust me, they want mommy RIGHT NOW! Certainly more than they want whoever you’ve wrangled into being a temporary caretaker while you took a much needed break. Eventually, they learn that you’ll come back each time, and they worry less. In fact, the game peek-a-boo only works after a child has a sense of object permanence, so it’s not all bad. However, it’s the first typical “fear” that young children learn.

External:

Let’s face it; kids are basically adorable but stationary lumps for their first few months of life. It’s not until they’re able to control their limbs and explore the world a bit that they can learn external fears. One of the most extensively studied is the fear of falling. Researchers at UC Berkeley found that infants develop a fear of heights based on visual experiences that result from being able to move around their environment. I was quite relieved after reading their study. My youngest daughter seemed more than willing to throw herself bodily from her highchair or stroller whenever she wasn’t strapped down to the point of immobility, and I was worried she wouldn’t learn to be more careful without actually falling a few times and suffering the consequences. The researchers showed that after infants began to crawl, the skills that develop to help maintain balance and avoid bumping into things also creates a sense of instability when looking at something far away, such as the floor from a great height. This understanding develops around 9 months depending on crawling behavior, and is why kids tend to cling to you better when you carry them starting around this age (it’s the anxiety about being farther from the floor, not the muscular development of simply being able to latch on more securely).

Social:

I admit that I spend more time than I should saying things like “don’t touch that!” or “be careful!” which, if I’m totally honest with myself, is meant to teach fear. I certainly have shouted these phrases ever since my daughter was born, but it wasn’t until sometime after age two that she actually started to listen to me. Moreover, I’ve watched her mimic other children in class and on the playground frequently enough to realize that she’s started to learn from her peers. Some of it is as simple as seeing another child cry after going down a wet slide and extrapolating that she should avoid it. Others are the more complex social fears such as watching a group of children scream and run away from a person in a scary Halloween costume and copying their behavior. It’s this cognitive approach that encourages kids (and adults) to learn rational fears and reactions without having to experience all of the adverse effects personally.

Reading through this literature has helped me understand my daughter better, but it doesn’t capture everything. Every night, I have to reassure her that no bad guys, monsters, or bears are going to get her and that she’s totally safe. (Why bears? Beats me. It’s especially ironic since three of the multitude of stuffed animals she sleeps with are bears). That said, her favorite character in a number of Disney films is the bad guy (to the point where we have to fast forward to watch the bad guy parts when we’re short on time).

I still remember my younger sister as a child declaring the movie Gremlins to be her absolute favorite even though it gave her nightmares when she watched it. It wouldn’t surprise me if my daughter grows up to love scary movies, even as she shrieks and hides her face more than anyone else in the theater.


Marylynne is a mom, wife, newly minted entrepreneur, recovering attorney and community enthusiast. She is currently building a website to help Chicago parents find full semesters or single day sessions of classes for their babies, toddlers, and children to attend. On top of all that, she blogs to share her parental musings and insider tips for making the most of (aka surviving) kid-centric things to do in Chicago on ClassCrasher. You can also follow Marylynne on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest