'The Big Bang' Blew Up on Me

Right now I have horrible curses words going through my mind. Horrible, horrible curse words.

Someone told me ages ago, “You have to watch ‘The Big Bang Theory.’ Alex reminds me soooo much of Sheldon Cooper.” I don’t remember who said it and I don’t remember giving it too much thought, so I let it drift out of my memory. (If I remember who you are, you should probably start running. Now!)

I have this thing where I don’t like watching shows having to do with autism. See, I live it. The few minutes I do get to be by myself, I want to stare blankly at the TV and not think about anything. The last thing I want to do is be reminded of my own life.

But then there was a Big Bang Theory marathon the other day, so I DVR’ed the episodes. That same night, we watched one episode and it seemed harmless – funny, even.

Sheldon had a secret knock his friends had to do on his door. His friends didn’t do the knock correctly and there was a prolonged discussion on how doing the knock incorrectly precluded entry. Alex was transfixed. Mesmerized. He was giggling and snorting so loud that at one point I thought he was going to throw up.

He looked over at me and said, “Mom, there are grownups like me!” Right then and there, a new love was born. Scoot over ‘How It’s Made,’ you’ve been replaced.

I have to tell you, I had mixed feelings about a nine year old watching that show. I also didn’t want him seeing a studio production of what he deemed ‘real life.’ So, we had a discussion about actors and acting, to which I received a, “Duh, mom.”

Then, the next morning…

Alex was up bright and early, and without missing a beat, he ran downstairs and turned on his brand new love, ‘The Big Bang Theory.’

It was about six-something in the morning. I counted my lucky stars and rolled over.

See, we took the youngest out of her crib the day before, and she just started sleeping in a toddler bed. The thing is, she didn’t actually ‘sleep’ in the bed. To say we had a wondering gnome was an understatement. She’d been wandering around the house at all hours of the night, with the newfound freedom of a recently released prison inmate. Do you know how creepy it is to wake up several times a night to a two year old – inches from your face – going, “Mine mommy, mine mommy?” Creepy. Totally creepy.

So yeah, when Alex got up at 6:00AM, I rolled over.

Big mistake. Big, Big, BIG mistake.

I came downstairs a little while later, and was met with a barrage of questions. ”What is coitus, Mom? Why would someone ‘engage in coitus?’ Is coitus something grownups do?”

“Errrr, what? What were you asking?” Inside, I was shocked wide awake. It was like he just took a taser to my brain, turned it on and fired it directly into my grey matter. Alarm bells were going off. Danger, danger. Red Alert! Red Alert! In my mind I was going, “Oh Gwad, did my kid just say coitus?!? OMG, he totally did. Who told me about this show again?!? I’m wanna kill them…”

I think they were trying to find Sheldon a date, so his friends made an online profile for him. On that episode, they must have said sex, sexual intercourse and coitus a million times.

The implications were unending.

All day, I heard various questions, all sexually related.

This is hell, people, this is hell. My kids are asking about sex. All day long. All frigging day. And people wonder why I don’t watch TV about autism.

Curse you Sheldon Cooper. Curse you.

Are you shocked by some of the language/sexual situations they have on network TV these days or is it just me?

Lizbeth is mom to three young children; her oldest has Asperger’s, Sensory Processing and ADHD, her second has Dyslexia. She writes candidly about parenting and everything that goes with it on her blog, Four Sea Stars.