The Baby is out of the Bag

Mike and I finally told Mazzy about the baby. You’d think with my stomach looking like it’s housing an award-winningly large watermelon, she would have caught on by now, but apparently my daughter isn’t nearly as bright as I gave her credit.

The news went over rather uneventfully. We asked Mazzy again if she wants a little sister. She said, “No.” And then we said, “Well, too bad because you are getting one.” Then she asked to play ‘Snake,’ which means we chase her making sss-ing sounds and she runs away screaming.

About ten minutes later, after re-enacting a low-budget version of Anaconda grew incredibly boring for two of us, Mike and I tried a different line of questioning.

“Do you know what’s in Mommy’s tummy?”

Mazzy responded with great interest. “Now I be the snake and you be scared. SSSssss!” After five more minutes of half-assed screaming (I really nailed the J.Lo role!), we tried again. This time using a straight-ahead, matter-of-fact approach.

“Mazzy. There’s a baby in Mommy’s tummy.”
“A baby?”
“Yes.”
“Ssss!!”

“Let’s stop playing for a second. There’s a baby in my tummy. It’s going to be your little sister.”
“There’s a baby in your tummy?”
“Yes.” Thank God, she was finally getting it!
“Can I see it?”
I pulled up my shirt.
She pointed to my belly. “It’s right there?"
“Yes.”
She stuck her finger in my belly button. “This is a baby?”
“Yes.”
Then she pulled her shirt up and pointed to her belly button. “I have a baby?”
“No. Your belly button isn’t a baby. The baby is inside my belly. You can’t see it.”
“Oh… Can I feed it?”
“Sure.”
She pretended to fill something in her play kitchen, came back over and tipped a tea saucer directly into my navel.
I tried to play along. “She says thank you. She’s full now.”
“She didn’t say thank you!”
“You’re right. She didn’t say thank you. But she is thinking it.”
“Oh.”
“Do you want to put your hand on my belly and see if you can feel her kick?”
“NO!!!! NO KICKING!!!”
“Right, right. No kicking. Kicking is very bad. Never kick. Do you want to feel her move?”
“No. Let’s play snake. SSSsss!! YOU BE SCARED!”
And the moment was over.

That was about two weeks ago. Since then, I have been getting a big kick out of asking Mazzy what’s in my tummy in front of other people.
“A BABY!” she shouts proudly, knowing she has the right answer.
Next, I ask my follow-up question. “Who is that baby going to be?”
“MY SISTER!” she replies, like a well-trained dog.
Everybody laughs and smiles, and all is right with the world.

Then Mazzy says, “Let me show you!” and tries to hike my shirt up over my bra and sticks her fingers in my belly button. I wonder why I even bother to leave the house.

Yesterday, there was finally a breakthrough. Mazzy and I were playing alone in the living room when she said something totally unprompted.
“I have a present for the baby.”
“Really? What?”
She took off her beaded cat watch and placed it on top of my belly.

And with that one small gesture, my excitement grew tenfold about what’s to come.

Ilana Wiles writes Mommy Shorts, a popular humor blog geared toward new parents. She lives in New York City with her husband, her two-year-old daughter, her pregnant belly and a rapidly growing pile of stuffed animals.