Text Me When Dinner is Ready

During one of our family holiday celebrations I couldn’t help but notice that it was difficult to get a few of my nieces and nephews to put their tablets down so we could share a meal together. As I repeated myself, I couldn’t help but remember that once upon a time Moms called their family to the dinner table with a simple “Come and get it!” or “Dinner is ready.”

Oh, and did I mention that in those days when you were called to the table it was done with only the oral cavity on your face we call a mouth?

And once upon that same time, playing a game involved a brightly-colored piece of cardboard, plastic or metal game pieces you used your actual hands to maneuver around the board, and/or running, walking, skipping, or hopping around outside. Oh, and did I also mention that these games involved actual face-to-face social interaction between the players?

Technology is a marvelous thing. No one can argue that—especially me since you are reading this courtesy of the world-wide-web and even more so, because medical technology literally saved my life just a few months ago.

But for every good thing technology has given to society, it has stolen something, too—not the least of which is the simple, yet essential art of family interaction and communication.

Don’t believe me? What did you and your family discuss over dinner last night? How many phones were in pockets or beside plates? Was there a television on in the room? How many texts have you sent to your kids or your spouse over the last few weeks or even months…when they were in the same location you were? When was the last time you played a board game, a party game such as charades or Five-Second Rule®, or gone outside to play hide-n-seek, ride bikes, or take a walk with your family?

Still not convinced? Did you send out Christmas cards this year—the kind you actually write in and put a stamp on? I did. I love to send and receive them, but I also admit I send a lot less of them than I used to. Do you know your kids’ friends because they come to your house or because you’ve seen their pictures on Facebook?

Our house was a place my children’s friends were always welcome. Do your children call their grandparents to thank them for gifts? Do you visit family and friends…in person? We don’t do nearly as much of that as we used to. Do you have family movie nights where everyone is in the same room watching the same movie, or is everyone in their own room? Do you sit in the same room with your spouse with earbuds in and laptop in hand so you don’t interrupt each other’s music or You-tube videos? Okay, so I admit we are guilty of being in the same room with laptops going several times a week.

So now what do you have to say? Does it sound a little bit like this: Ouch! Ouch! And again, ouch! Don’t worry—you’re not alone. Far from it.

The good news is that I’m here to tell you what my family and a few others have done to make things better.

First, you set some ground rules for EVERYONE in the house…including yourself. Ground rules such as: No phones, tablets, TVs or any other tech gadgets allowed at the table. No using anything other than your mouth to communicate with people in your house. Limit the time spent online each evening except in emergency situations and for homework. Insist on at least a couple of hours two or three nights a week and a few hours each weekend be spent doing something as a couple and as a family that requires verbal and physical interaction (I guess sex can count on this one).

You also need to reinstate the lost art of communicating with others. Not only will this enhance the relationships your family has with extended family and friends, but it will mature and develop your children’s social skills (which, by the way will prove to be very useful when it comes time to apply for college and enter the job market). This is done through:

- Letter writing
- Phone calls -or video calls when personal visits aren’t possible
- Personal visits
- Involvement in social gatherings (playdates, clubs, sports, and hobby groups)
- Talking face-to-face with your family and friends every single day

Like I said earlier—I like technology and the opportunities it has to offer. My family is scattered around the country so it’s nice to be able to see them every few days smiling back at me on my laptop screen. I am a self-confessed Zully and Pinterest fan-bordering-on-fanatic. But given the choice between those things and a game of hide-n-seek or snuggling up with a good book and my grand babies, or walking or sitting and talking for hours with those I love…there is really no choice to be made. Being and sharing with someone wins hands-down every single time.

Darla is a popular author, ghostwriter, and speaker on the subject of parenting and family issues. Also known as Momma D, you can read more of her writing on weekly parenting blog Mamma D Says. Momma D can also be heard on various radio stations and appears in several Midwest newspapers each week.