Say What?

In my continuing quest to call out the people who seem to deliberately want to stunt our children’s intellectual growth, I bring to your attention the latest version of Fisher-Price’s See ’N Say -The Farmer Says.

Do you remember having that as a kid? I do. I remember the feel of putting my finger in the little white ring and pulling the string. I have to wonder if it was considered a choking hazard by today’s standards (at all of what, eight inches?) or maybe it wasn’t ‘high tech’ enough, because they replaced it with a lever that’s so stiff, it’s pretty much impossible to pull until you not only know what a cow says, but could probably spell it. Backwards. In pig Latin.

I remember listening to those distinctive barnyard animal sounds and watching the seemingly magical string retract. Then I would pull it again – ad infinitum – until it became a testament to my parents’ fortitude to resist being driven to drink. Or start mooing.

They’ve since updated those boring, realistic animal pictures, too. Now they have cute, cuddly, brightly colored, overly-rounded cartoon-y pictures. Don’t want to be too realistic, might scare the children! It’s as bad as those flash cards. You know, the ones I mean. Side A shows a picture of a rubber duckie, side B says “DUCK.” Side A shows a picture of a stuffed animal, side B says “DOG.” How freaking hard would it have been to find a picture of an actual duck and an actual dog? We’re not talking endangered species here, but I digress…

Did you know that since we were kids, they’ve even changed the animal lineup on See ‘N Say? Coyote is gone. (Too many falls off a cliff, maybe? Anvils to the head?) Bird is gone, too. Now they have Mouse, Goat, Goose, Chick, Owl and Bunny. Now, let me repeat those, and as you read them, try to imagine their sounds; really try to hear them in your head. Ready?

Mouse… Squeak squeak.
Goat.. Naaaaaaaaaa
Goose… Honk honk.
Chick… Peep peep.
Owl… Hoo hooooo.
Bunny………….
Sorry, let’s try that again.
Bunny………….?

Yes folks, BUNNY. I’m ashamed to admit that it wasn’t until I had kids that I learned this, and this is a direct quote,

"The bunny says… BOING! BOING! BOING!”

Okay, maybe not an exact quote. The word ‘boing’ is more of an onomatopoeia or something. Whatever, just think of a cartoon spring.

HOW DID THIS TOY MAKE IT TO THE SHELVES!? Did no one question this revision? Some man, woman or committee, presented this to their boss. Some boss had to sign off on it. Didn’t he or she watch the PowerPoint presentation?

“Here’s our next proposed addition. Bunny. They don’t really say much, so the sound experts came up with this great spring noise instead!”

Wasn’t there a single voice of reason, maybe one person along the way who said, “Since they don’t technically SAY anything, let’s put them on the chopping block.” The proposed change, not the bunny. That would be wrong.

I want my money back. No, I want my money back and treble damages. Or I want Fisher-Price to find me a single bunny that says “boing.” And if they do, I’ll eat… strike that.

Listen, folks, the education of our children is at stake here. Let’s start with the little things. Just for fun, can you name a children’s toy that you regret purchasing?

Arielle is a stay-at-home-mom maintaining her identity (and her sanity) by sharing her take on the humorous, the ridiculous and the absurd she encounters in the course of raising a family. She lives in Suburbia, USA, with her husband, two boys, and Max the black lab. Please visit her Facebook page, Their World We Live In.