Proof that Motherhood is a Thankless Job
This is our first year with several of the children at school all day. When I’m not busy spinning in fields, I do give it the ol’ college try to keep the children still under my full-time care alive. True, I never graduated from college or officially attended any of my 7:50 a.m. classes, but, so far so good. In addition to celebration amongst the wild flowers, I fill my day with various other meaningful (according to societal measures of achievement) tasks. I mail things. I fill out forms. I pay for things. I wash things. I fold the things I’ve washed. I put all the things away. I cook things. I clean up after the things I’ve cooked. All in all, it’s a real swell time, doll! << Wink. Nudge. Throws fedora in air. >>
Somewhere along the line the details of how I spend my day were lost in translation or, I am, in fact, invisible OR, my kids are delusional.
The following are a series of post-school conversations with my children:
Me: My arm is sore.
Eldest: Oh, is it from sleeping on it all day?
Me: << chokes on peanut butter filled pretzel >> Do you think I SLEEP all day?
Eldest: << Whistles and skips away >>
Son: Mama, did the lady come and clean our bathroom today? It smells nice.
Me: What lady?
Son: The lady who cleans when we go to school.
Me: I AM THAT LADY!
Son: You’re so funny, mama!
Me: << Stands motionless with mouth agape, toilet brush in hand >>
Honey Badger: I’m hungry.
Me: Would you like a banana? An apple?
Honey Badger: You NEVER make us food! You always go out to eat with your friends!
Me: Ummm, I did hover over my computer eating a sandwich today… that doesn’t count as eating with friends.
Honey Badger: Daddy always makes us dinner. You NEVER DO!
Me: << Throws casserole through window >>
Eldest: Do you pack our lunches?
Me: No, a magical fairy comes in the middle of the night and packs them for you.
Eldest: COOL!
Me: << Punches myself unconscious >>
However, there is one fool-proof way to get your children to notice you. Simply don’t do one of the things they never notice and they will immediately notice. It’s their special gift. For example, I generally place a small love note on the napkin in my children’s lunch boxes. Yesterday, I forgot. This was waiting for me when I unpacked eldest’s (7) lunch box.
HEY! You forgot something that I normally never notice. What gives, mom?
So, when anyone tells you being a parent is a thankless job, please assure them that they are 100% correct and then promptly send them this post.
This is Bad Parenting Moments, over and out. KITT, please reactivate my cloaking device.
Bethany Thies is a writer and the proud mother to four, young Vikings. She is the author of the blog, Bad Parenting Moments and the chronically unread poetry blog, Room for Cream. She can often be found searching for socks, keys, discount non-perishables and a bathroom lock her children can not pick. Bethany’s work has been published on several parenting sites and, when they’ll have her, in old fashioned black and white in her local, independent newspaper. Her children are unimpressed. You can throw tomatoes at Bethany on Facebook. You can chit-chat with her on Twitter, and, re-pin her barely edible recipes on Pinterest.
