Life Isn't Fair. But it's VERY Fair to You.

One of the most commonly heard phrases in this home is… you guessed it!

“It’s NOT fair!”

Granted. This expression is mostly coming out of the little people in our home . All under 4ft tall. But when a momma hears those three words a gazillion times a day, she tends to lose a little bit of her empathy and compassion towards her little grumbling hearts.

For them, “It’s not fair!”, when they are asked to do an extra chore, when they don’t get to stay up late, when they are asked to help a sibling with a task, when they have to eat fish for dinner, when they are picked over at school, when they don’t receive a requested playdate, or when they are asked to bathe. Their “It’s not fair” lists are endless and tiring.

They can’t help but feel justified in their emotions. Why? Because my kids are spoiled.

They are well-behaved, polite, and compassionate children, but they are 100% a product of their culture. They are growing up in a world where material items are within their grasp. Where they can take privileges and blessings for granted. In a world where empty bellies and cold homes are foreign concepts. They are completely surrounded by people who not only love and adore them, but people that protect and care for their every last need. They are healthy and strong. They are unbroken and completely blinded by their own prosperity.

Which causes this mama to pause for a moment.

When you are ten, eight, and five it is hard to see beyond your present state of being. Their world is the only world they have ever known. A world, that as parents, we are so thankful we are able to provide for them. And yet, we see how easy it is for their culture to deceive them into believing they are entitled to their lifestyle. That somehow, they are deserving of everything and anything they desire.

How gross and ugly the mentality of entitlement can be.

As my children grow, I want them to learn compassion for the needy, to be work hard, to be empathetic towards the hurting and generous with their resources. I want them to give and give and give, with open hands, and willing hearts.

Because a life lived for others is truly a richer life than merely living for oneself.

Which is why the other day upon hearing another, “It’s not fair! ” statement from the backseat, I whipped around to face them and quietly replied,

“You are right. Life isn’t fair. But it is very fair to you. “

All wide eyed, the three of them stared at their seemingly calm yet deathly serious mom. Having their rare, yet complete attention, I continued…

Life isn’t fair to the child who can’t go to school.

Life isn’t fair to the mom who can’t feed her children.

Life isn’t fair to the dad who lost his job and can’t find work.

Life isn’t fair to the family without a home, without shelter, without clean water.

Life isn’t fair to the children without parents. Or to the parents with sick kids.

I went on, hoping they absorbed just a little of what I was trying to share. My point wasn’t to shame my children, or guilt them into feeling bad for what they have. But an attempt to give them awareness of what they do have, and a realization of just how blessed they are.

I desperately want them to look past their own whims and desires. I desperately want them to see others’ needs and brokenness. Because when they gain that ability, they also gain the ability to change lives. To make a difference. To be an impact.

As I was sharing with them, and again later that night, it occurred to me that they weren’t the only ones who were spoiled. How humbling it is to realize as words are flowing out of my mouth, that they were words I also needed to hear.

Perhaps my children are simply mimicking my own attitudes? Maybe their hearts mirror mine?

Sometimes I find my heart turning cold and uncompassionate. Instead of choosing contentment, I find myself focusing on what I don’t have instead of what I do have. In my haste to secure my children’s futures, I fail to see others around me. In my own selfishness I choose my own desires over other’s real needs.

Sometimes I choose to live for myself. I fight for this false belief that I am deserving. That I should have more. Receive More.

Most of us have the luxury of mulling over meal plans, and making dietary and nutrition choices for our children. We have full pantries and fridges. How many times have we thrown away uneaten produce or spoiled leftovers? Our piggy banks are full, and we have saved resources for a rainy day. We have the ability to redo perfectly acceptable kitchens and upgrade our homes and cars. We change over our wardrobes as new seasons arrive, recycling jeans simply because they aren’t fashion worthy. We indulge our kids with soccer lessons, and dance lessons. We spent more on lattes and mochas in one week than some other moms have the ability to spend on their entire grocery budget for the month.

Do I even see these other moms?

These moms who lay awake at night wondering how they will put food on the table the next morning.

These moms who wonder how they will send their children to school to better their future.

These moms with precious children who slumber in unsafe and unsanitary environments.

These moms with children who are vulnerable and often sick.

These moms who can’t afford healthcare, or wellness check ups making the vaccine debate seem pointless.

These moms? They have the same heart for our children as you and I, and they are hurting. Too embarrassed to ask for help, but desperately needing it. I’m not even referring to moms in third world countries. These moms are our neighbors next door, they are the moms at our kid’s schools, they are the moms in the grocery store, and at the park.

They live life right beside you and I. In our community. Struggling. Broken. Hurting.

Do I see them? Do you see them? What are we going to do about it?

Because for them? Life isn’t fair. It’s just not fair.

To learn more about the homeless in your state, click here. Then find out what you can do to help.

Cari Dugan is a lifestyle photographer and writer in Minneapolis Minnesota. She writes candidly about everyday life and experiences on being a wife and a mother on her blog Dugans in Cahoots. Her husband, three children, and chocolate lab make life what it is – A Beautiful Mess. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.