How to Move From Surviving to Thriving

I swear I read everything and anything about what to expect when you are expecting. Ok that’s not 100 pecent true. But I am a reader and I sure did read numerous books. However, very little actually prepared me for the reality of having a baby. And nothing prepared me for how to go from surviving to thriving after baby.

Oh sure, the books prepped me on the stuff that you should buy to be ready, such as having a crib or clothes or an incredible wrap if you love baby-wearing as much as I have. But, I sure did miss the books and articles that tell you just how much a baby poops. No one prepared me for that. Or what about the spit up. Goodness gracious. The projectile vomiting that goes everywhere. All over you. All over your cute, not baby proofed furniture and cute flooring and rug. And the smell. Or for that matter. The laundry. The never-ending-constant-piles-washing-machine-always-running amounts of laundry. None of my professional experience, none of my years of babysitting and nannying, not one book prepped my heart for the all-consuming life that I had just stepped into. Who can relate?!

I’m here to tell you there is hope. For me, I had to learn to self-care. This was totally new to me. But here are the top five things you can do to move from surviving to thriving.

1. Get some sun!
I know this is hard. You want to hibernate. You want to isolate. You are drowning in a sea of poop and bottles and laundry and never enough hours in the day. If you are already back at work you are lucky to see the sun before you even get home. I get it. But you must get outside. Low Vitamin D can lead to low moods and lower cognitive function. According to Mayo Clinic, even 10 minutes of exposure will prevent deficiency. Maintaining a healthy Vitamin D level (best if you can get it naturally from the sun!) has so many benefits! Not to mention getting outside is good for baby to get those same Vitamin D benefits. Smelling the outdoors, hearing the outdoor sounds, feeling the wind whistle through your fingertips or the sun on your face or the leaves rustling around you, nothing can replace the way the outdoors can engage your senses and help you feel alive.

2. Be Active.
Every single day for 30 min. This can be something as simple as pushing your baby in a stroller around the block or as aggressive as taking me time at a gym and running on the treadmill, going for a swim or doing a relaxing yoga class. But do not just sit every single day on your couch. You need to love you, your body, and some sort of movement every day is great for the heart, great for a healthy mood and avoiding depression, and a myriad of other health benefits.

3. Remember who you are.
Do something you love. Gosh for me this was it. Having a baby became this overwhelming, amazing, but intense way of living. With my first, I came home with a NICU baby. Talk about zero to 100. So worried to bring this little one home, he was so fragile, and had health issues. Days seem to drag by. The fatigue and lack of sleep was so intense. And somewhere along the way of caring for this new bundle 24/7 I just stopped living almost. My hobbies, my interests, my passions all took a backseat to this new all-consuming life. I had to learn that my new role as a mom was just one part of who I was. I was still a friend and a daughter and a missionary (I was still gainfully employed in that season), and a wife. I was still a woman who loved to read, loved to sew, loved to scrapbook, loved to socialize with people. All those things are still important, so I had to figure out a way to incorporate all that into my life and my job as mama and parent.

4. Cultivate time with your spouse/partner.
I alluded to this above, but here I want to flat out say it. Your kids are important. No doubt. Super important. They have crazy needs. All the time needs. Even now that my oldest is 4, I still find he has so many needs. While there are some things he can do, such as get dressed or use the bathroom, he still needs a lot of assistance, direction, attention, and cuddles from me. However, he will likely be in my home maybe only 14 more years (I pray for more than that!) and after that time, if my kids fly the coup, I will still have my partner. So where do you prioritize your partner while you have the baby and kids? I know it’s so hard to remember you have that partner, believe me. You are tired, soooo touched out, feeling as if you have nothing left to give, but I promise you this is so critical to have a thriving household. Where the couple is happy and healthy, the kids are happy and healthy!

5. Accept help.
That was super hard for me. But accepting the blessing of someone who offered to clean my home. Bring us meals. Do our laundry. If you are like me, love to take on all the challenges of the world, allowing someone to help, admitting you NEED help and cannot do it all can feel like defeat, can make you feel like a failure. Let me tell you – you are NOT. It is a sign of STRENGTH, not weakness, to ask and receive help. It really does take a village! If you are introverted and overwhelmed by people, I know its hard to ask for help for a totally different reason. Someone coming in to your home, to your space, asking questions about your life, gosh that can feel so draining. But again, allow people to help. If the introvert in you feels overwhelmed, allow them to play with your baby while you go soak in the tub and have some alone spa time. It would make my heart happy to hold someone’s baby for an hour! I know you have a friend like me who would love to come help.

Above all remember you are enough! Realize there is no perfect parent and no mom who really has it all together. I had to step through this lie. There are definitely people who are better at maintaining an outward appearance. I have also learned that there are people who are thriving in this parenting journey and do it well, and I am so thankful for them because it is from these women where I have learned most of these tips. But focus on your unique journey. Know it is going to be ok. It really is. Your love and concern for your baby is going to shine through. You are doing enough. Give yourself grace. In fact, right now, go give yourself a hug and a pat-on-the-back. Parenting is hard stuff. And if you care this much, then you are doing it right.

I really am praying for every woman out there today who is just barely holding on. If that is you and you are looking for some hope, some thread, some thing to get through the day, I pray that you have been encouraged and I will be praying that you will move from just surviving to thriving.

My name is Mickey Eastin and I am the Crunchy Gal blogger about crunchy, natural, alternative living. I am a wife, a mom to three little monkeys ages 4 and under who are a full time circus. I love to laugh, embrace sunshine, be outdoors, try new adventures and share my passion about alternative ways of living.