How To Create The Best NICU Care Package
As human beings we instinctively want to help others when they are faced with trauma, difficult situations, or a celebratory milestones. We bring new mothers home cooked meals and freezeables so they can focus on their new baby, we send soldiers baby wipes and extra socks, we bring flowers and junk food to grieving friends. Most situations that call for care packages are fairly obvious to us, as are the ingredients for that heartwarming parcel. But what about an event that is momentous both in its joy and it’s struggle?
Premature birth or sickness that results in a stay at the NICU is one of the biggest fears mothers harbor throughout pregnancy, so when it occurs it creates a nightmare feeling of helplessness as well as a simple, yet wonderful delight in meeting their little one. Along with the normal difficulties that come with a newborn including lack of sleep, hormonal changes, recovering from labor, etc., mothers of NICU babies can add a myriad of questions and concerns to their stress load. When will I be able to take my baby home, or even hold him/her? Will my baby be developmentally behind others her age? Will I be able to breastfeed? Will I not be able to bond as well with my baby?
With so much fear, these mothers are often overwhelmed. Friends and family will want to help, they will want to see the mom and the baby, they will want to send gifts and flowers. While all of these things are wonderful gestures, they often simply add to the stress that already surrounds them. Visitors are frowned upon on at the NICU, and any time that a baby is allowed to have human contact should be reserved for the new parents anyway. There is also is a constant fear of illness or infection for a baby with no immune system. Flowers are beautiful, but they also die quickly and can be reminder that the mom didn’t get to go home in a timely manner with her baby in tow.
Save your visitation for when mom and baby are home and have issued an invitation. Let immediate family bring flowers to brighten the room if they choose. This doesn’t mean that you cannot contribute to the care of the mother and new baby. Create a care package that will help the new parents pass the tedium of weeks spent watching their baby in the same room with only hospital food and vending machines to rely on. Below is a list of ideas to include that will help you create the perfect gift for a NICU parent.
Books and Magazines
Check the newest best seller list and hit up your local bookstore for a great read that will help pass the time. Puzzle books, mysteries, fashion magazines; include a little of everything. Children’s books are also wonderful as parents of preemies and babies with sever illness often cannot hold their baby as much as they would like. The lack of touch can be somewhat mitigated by reading to their child and bonding with their voice.
Have Meals Delivered
As much as you may want to bake casseroles and cookies, I don’t mean home delivery on this one. Contact the birth hospital. They usually have lists of local restaurants that will deliver on site. Purchase gift cards to these locations so the parents can order whatever, whenever they like or are able. Another idea is to contact the new dad, as he will usually be the one making trips to a from home for various necessities, you can find out what restaurants are on the way to the hospital. Buy gift cards to locations that the dad can easily stop by and pick up meals from while heading to the hospital. Also, don’t forget to include breakfast joints in you gift card cache. Many NICU moms go home late at night and return early in the morning. It’s hard for them twist time cooking a healthy breakfast when all they want to do is see their baby.
Buy Toys
If the new baby has a brother or sister at home, parents of preemies often feel the extra stress of trying to accommodate the needs of their other children. Making a special care package for the new big brother or sister is a great way to make him or her feel special when so much attention is being focused on the baby they haven’t even met yet. If you have a child of your own, you can also arrange a play date at your house. This way the older child gets special attention and everyone can have a little break to focus solely on the newest clan member. Even if I spend most of my time and money putting together a package that focuses on the mom and new baby, I always include something for any siblings, no matter how small, so they don’t feel forgotten or left out.
Home Tasks
Moms with babies in the hospital are already so exhausted and full of love and worry that they can’t even imagine keeping up with housework and basic errands. Offer to do simple tasks like cleaning the dishes once a week or keeping up with the laundry when the baby arrives home. Don’t be insulted if your offer isn’t accepted, however. Most preemie parents are terrified, and rightfully so, of any germs that may enter into the house and aren’t super keen on making much contact with anyone until their little one acquires a certain amount of strength. If this is the case focus on tasks that allow them to stay cooped up with their little one. Offer to mow the lawn, walk the dog, fetch milk and other necessities, fill prescriptions, etc. You can even make a photo coupon book using your phone and have them send you a picture of what they need when they need it.
Clothes
Don’t get too excited about buying a ton of tiny clothes. Most likely the baby won’t be allowed in outside gear until they leave the hospital and the immediate family will take care of most the necessary garments requested by mom and dad. However, gift cards are, once again, always helpful. Once the baby comes home the new parents will realize they need more of a certain size, or more hats, or that they don’t have baby gloves, or that the bottles they have are hated by the tiny person they are supposed to feed. Having a supply of gift cards makes it easy to allow others to go shopping in their stead and also alleviates the already heavy financial burden an NICU baby often brings.
Memory Items
All parents want reminders of their babies. We want to look back and see the joy of new parenthood and remember how tiny our babies hands used to be. Mothers of preemies and other NICU babies are often so busy and exhausted that they don’t get the chance or have the energy to make a special scrapbook of their newest joy. Having photos emailed to you is relatively easy and you can then take the time to create a beautiful memory book for the new parents. However, try not to use photos that inspire any feelings other than joy and love. Try to avoid photos of the baby attached to too many machines or looking afraid or in pain.
Shop Around
Some preemies are so early that the mother hasn’t even had the opportunity to attend her own baby shower. This means that the new mom’s baby gear vault is probably lacking in some serious necessities. Offer to do research on what they still need and talk to friends and family about delivering gifts straight to their home where you can set them up for when the baby arrives. Parents of preemies do not need to worry about wrestling with putting together cribs and swings. Offer to plan a “Healthy Baby Party” for when the baby has been home long enough for the mother to feel confident in her babies health and for her own level of stress and exhaustion to have alleviated somewhat. This way friends and family can still celebrate as they would have with a baby shower and also see their beautiful gifts at work.
Mothers and fathers who have to endure such apprehension about the immediate future of their baby’s health need the support and love of their friends and families. The list above will help you give everything you can without infringing on their ability to navigate their very uprooted lives. They will appreciate all your help as well all the extra space you give them.
Brandi is a mother of 5 and workout enthusiast. She spends her time cooking and attempting to keep up with housework, but generally failing. She also works part time as a bartender and blogger. You can check out her blog Big Fit Fam
