Happy Mother's Day From the Mother of all Magnets

Colorful flower centerpieces and a solitary “Happy Mother’s Day” cardboard cutout grace the back seat of my Family Truckster as I begin the final planning stages of the Mother’s Day luncheon that is soon to occur at my house.

Just to be clear, “luncheon” may actually be a bit overstated. It sounds fancy but the reality is that my only sister and my beloved momma will be joining my family and me at my borderline-tiny-house for a meal of Swedish Meatballs, cheesy hash browns and fudge on May 8th. It all sounds so Minnesotan, doesn’t it?

As I arrive home and survey my not-so-tidy mini kingdom, I am also reminded of a joke I heard eons ago. A second grade teacher was immersed in class curriculum that included lessons on magnets and they do. The next day in a written test, she asked this question:

When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost half of her class answered the question with the word …

On this particular day I am totally feeling like The Mother of all Magnets as I begin to “pick up” my house so it doesn’t look like wolves live here.

This also makes me remember one of my mom’s many bits-o-wisdom (which in my younger years sounded a whole lot like the muffled trombone noise, “Whaa-whaa-whaa” that Charlie Brown’s teacher made). Her sage advice in regards to messy houses was; “People come to see you, not your house.”

Nevertheless, my house smells like stinky kids and french fries so I’m cleaning it; even with her past counsel ringing in my ears.

But truthfully those “Whaa-whaa-whaa” sounds from childhood/teenhood have become guidance that’s come in mighty handy as an adult.

Here are a few of my mom’s more creative wisdom nuggets:

Speak Now (Also known as “empty your bladder before you leave the house”):

“Speak now or forever hold your peace,” is a well-used line that many of us are used to hearing during a wedding ceremony. My mom’s spin on this classic line was; “Speak now or forever hold your pee!” It was her way of reminding us squirrelly kids that we needed to use the biffy before embarking on a family outing and avoid the, “I gotta go” backseat whine 10 minutes into the trip. In the Parental Ranking of Importance realm, I put this advice right up there with “Always leave the house with clean underwear on in case you are in an accident.”

Be Careful Which Flag You Fly:

This was mom’s way of alerting us to the importance of carefully choosing friends and the fact that we are oftentimes judged by the company we keep. Hang with riff-raff; you will be considered riff-raff as well even if you aren’t. Keep company with smart people with a good reputation, you yourself will be viewed the same. P.S This is even more critical when your Dad is a cop and your mom works for the Post Office in a very Small Town.

Can’t Never Did Anything:

As I listen to my daughter whine so loudly that my inner ear vibrates and my brain pop a bleed, I am reminded of my mom’s stellar comeback to the childish mantra, “I CAN’T….” My mom didn’t tolerate that ridiculous cop-out and her response usually was,
“Can’t never did anything.” As I child I always took this to mean, if I did indeed want to be a ballerina-veterinarian-skydiver when I grew up, I better quit moaning and figure out a way to solve my own issues.

Your Eyes are Bigger than your Stomach:

At first my adolescent brain was puzzled by that comment. Did our stomachs have eyes? And did they take up too much room in the Dessert Stomach? You know, the second stomach that always leaves room for the sweet treats, not the yucky broccoli or rutabaga stuff? Now I understand this was a motherly way of enforcing portion control and not putting more food on our plates than we could eat. This scolding was usually followed by the, “Clean your plate because there are children starving in____” (insert name of third world country here).

Soak it in the Dishpan:

Kids angle for their parent’s attention is many ways and occasionally one of those ‘ways” is to complain about minor boo-boos, aches and pains. My mom had this amazing radar that would, in an instant, clue her in to the fact that I either truly needed help, or needed to be busted for being a drama queen. If I was having a moment when I was whining about a ghost injury to get out of something, mom would hone in on that like a bee to honey and her all-encompassing remedy was, “soak it in the dishpan.” In adult speak this means; do the dishes for me and all will be right with the world. Oddly enough, she also told us kids that washing dishes in the sink was great for getting out splinters, soothing hangnails and “de-germing” minor cuts scraps.

Well played, mom. Well played.

The bottom line is this; Mother is one of the sweetest six-letter-words on the planet.

As someone who is now on the receiving end of Mother’s Day recognitions and appreciation, I cherish each and every homemade card and handpicked flowers from my own kids. Mother’s Day is one day, out of the 365 that our moms are doing something for us kids, (like being the “magnet” that not only “picks stuff up” but the force that keeps everyone pulled together) that we have this beautiful opportunity to give back the people who have given us so much.

Don’t let this special day pass without reaching out to the mother figure in your life and saying THANK YOU, MOM.

-Happy Mother’s Day!


Rebecca is a freelance writer and blogger living in Northern Minnesota. She is the dedicated mom to two beautiful kids, a veteran blogger at FranticMommy and someone who loves to laugh about the trials and tribulations of parenthood. If another mom reads her corny stories and thinks, “Thank gawd it’s not just me!”….mission accomplished. You can also follow Rebecca on Pinterest