Google Under Adult Supervision: When Internet Searches Give You More Than You Bargained For
I’m a giver. Always have been. I feel if you’ve done something that has baptized you by the fire, then you owe it to others to keep them out of that metaphorical frying pan.
My two oldest children are teens, and I have learned through the bracing slap of experience that some Google search terms need to be supervised.
I remember my son’s fifth grade nutrition project where his assignment was to create a hot lunch menu. “Just Google it honey,” I told him. “See what other hot lunches are out there.”
My sweet baby typed in “hot lunch” and SHAZAAM if Ice-T’s wife doesn’t pop up carrying her hot biscuits up on a lunch tray. Mmmmmm Who’s hungry? “Click out! Click out now!” I shouted, but it was too late. My sweet baby’s retinas had been seared and certain parts of his too young and tender brain awakened. Note to self: NEVER Google anything with the word HOT in it.
Two years later, the second son is working on a book report for John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men. The final step was to find cover art for his paper, so we Google Mice and Men. We get mice and men. The rest, I will spare you the details.
Searching for the word “shape” will also do you in. My third son was working on a math paper regarding shapes. Google search lesson number two: Never Google anything shape-related: big, large, small, floppy, little, fat. It’s all bad.
Our internet world has become so perverse that seeking information on cuttlefish resulted in an emergency visit to the family therapist for questions like, “Why, mama, why? Why do men want to cuddle fish?”
I have prepared a short list for you here to keep stashed away of terms to avoid. Trust my knowledge base couched with experience. Don’t try to find out why for yourself.
- flash drive
- nerds
- rugged
- hairy
- girl
- fire
- hunger
- farm boy
- Goya
- exciting
- peeps
- hand exercises
- tiger
- strange
- shackles
- natural
- lumberjack
- farmhand
- good
This list is a nice start to keep your children’s souls safe, but keep it to yourself and away from the household. You know human nature, the kids find this list and they’ll sell copies of it for a quarter at school.
Now, please, don’t google “human nature” without me there to supervise. I’ll be able to hear your screams six states away.
Alexandra Rosas is a national storyteller and mother of three. She lives in a small town where she tries hard to go unnoticed. She fails miserably. You can follow her on Twitter or keep up with her blog, Good Day, Regular People.
