Do You Wanna Go to Costco!?!?
Hey, you know that song from Frozen that starts “do you wanna build a snowman?” Of course you do. Oh… song stuck in your head? Sorry. Welcome to my world.
Around my house, we sing “do you wanna go to Costco” so if you’re a Costco groupie like me, maybe that tune is now just a teensy bit more tolerable?
I believe in Heaven and Hell. I know the Bible offers a description of both places but I kinda like to think Heaven is just a little bit like Costco. Because I really just love it that effing much.
Here are a few reasons why:
Free Samples
I mean… duh. On my last Costco graze-a-palooza I started with garlic bread washed down with energy drink. The sample dude swore this energy drink cured his ADHD and acne, which I thought was TMI, but whatevs. I moved on to tomato soup, fat-free popcorn, hummus and an egg white omelet. Quite the spread, although I did tell the sample lady that I thought it was a travesty to make popcorn fat-free, ever. I don’t think she really cared and I ate it anyway. I finished with sinfully yummy dark chocolate pretzel caramel orgasm bites (okay maybe they weren’t actually called orgasm bites but they should be.)
Hot Dog Deal
If the free samples don’t fill you up, there’s a snack bar, too. A hot dog (or Polish sausage) and a drink for $1.50? How amazing is that? Costco makes the best-ever hot dogs.
Churros
The snack bar has these, too and there are just not enough happy things I can say about fried dough rolled in sugar. Especially when it costs a dollar.
Stretchy, comfy clothes
What better to sell in the land of eternal snacking than loose-fitting clothes? Costco has a yummy array of tights, sweats (oh, right…we call those yoga pants now) and oversized hoodies that cover your booty. Great stuff to wear while you’re cuddled up on your couch watching Downton Abbey and munching on chocolate pretzel orgasm bites.
Jumbo pallets of toilet paper
I don’t really need to explain why this is just awesome, right? Or is it just me? If jumbo pallets of toilet paper don’t trip your trigger, there’s also jumbo pallets of sticky notes and jumbo pallets of instant mashed potatoes… to each their own jumbo pallet fetish. I’m partial to toilet paper but I have a big family and butt-wiping is kinda important around here.
Double-seater shopping carts
I can strap both my little kids in and browse to my heart’s content. I can paw through piles of stretchy pants goodness while sipping an espresso sample and my kids go nowhere… although since they’re fortified with dollar churros it’s usually a peaceful shopping trip. There’s a lot to be said for no fighting over whose turn it is to sit in the cart with the food because no kid likes it when you try to squash him with a super-sized package of ground round.
Kirkland brand wine
Good wine doesn’t have to cost a ton and there’s really just something wonderful about a jumbo bottle of reasonably priced boozy goodness. Nothin’ says “classy” like Costco brand cabernet, people.
These are all good reasons to love Costco. But my top reason for loving Costco is simple…
…because it’s Costco.
Honestly, my husband could get almost as much action from taking me on a date to Costco than a fancy dinner and a chick flick. Almost…
Jill Robbins writes about adoption, motherhood and midlife on her blog, Ripped Jeans & Bifocals. She has a degree in social psychology that she uses to try and make sense out of the behavior of her husband and three children but it hasn’t really helped so far. She enjoys dry humor and has a love/hate relationship with running. Her work has been featured on Babble, Scary Mommy, In the Powder Room, and Blunt Moms. You can also find her in the December print issue of Mamalode. She willingly answers any questions that end with “and would you like wine with that?” You can follow Jill on Facebook and Twitter.
