Dear Internet, I Need Advice

Hello, The Internet.

I am calling upon your vast resources and emphatic opinions to ask for some advice about how to feed my children.

My kids would like ice cream for breakfast, thank you very much.

I’ve struggled with Binge Eating Disorder since I was about 13, so at this point I am pretty messed up when it comes to food. I don’t mean to brag or anything, but when it comes to emotional issues related to pie, I am pretty much the best there is.

Now that I am responsible for feeding two little people, a lot of my issues are being brought to the forefront. When it comes to giving other people what they need nutritionally while not adding emotion (like guilt or neediness) to it, I have no clue what I am doing.

There are a few schools of thought when it comes to “treats” and children. One is the old school “finish your dinner and then you can have dessert” way of doing it. We do that sometimes. But I hate making dinner into something that has to be choked down so that you can get to “the good stuff.” I don’t believe in cleaning your plate — I always encourage the kids to eat until they are full, and then stop. And since my children are not stupid, that means that they get a few bites into their dinner, insist that they are full, and then wait till the plates are scraped to ask for dessert. You win this time, Wile E. Coyote…

Another is the Cookie Monster’s new age “A Cookie Is A Sometimes Food” approach. I have also tried this. Turns out, it is really hard to define when “sometimes” is. Because isn’t every time some time? Sadly, Cookie Monster is of no help with these kinds of existential questions. I think he’d be on the kids’ side, anyway.

And then there is the idea of not giving any power to treats by making them a part of every day eating. That sounds awesome in theory, but my children are five years old. If we went with this, we’d be having ice cream for dinner with a side of cinnamon roll (you know, to make sure we get in our fiber).

So what the hell do I do?! Treats every day? Treats only sometimes, because that’s why they are called “treats?” Don’t call them “treats” at all, because there are no “good” or “bad” foods?

I really think I am losing my mind.

I asked my friends once how often they thought it was okay for kids to have ice cream, because my kids are obsessed with it and want some every day. (Quick side note: ice cream also happens to be my number one trigger food. So…thanks, god. That’s super hilarious. I hope you’re proud of yourself.)

Anyway, my friends kind of shrugged their shoulders and said, “I don’t know. Whenever. Every day.” This blew my mind, because in my messed up crazy head, ice cream is something you restrict. It is not something you have “whenever.” And that, I realized, is where I am putting my craziness on my kids and I really don’t want to do that.

Right now, my children are blissfully ignorant of my food issues and the fact that people have issues with food at all. We don’t use the word “fat” in my house. We don’t focus on appearances — in fact, I rarely look in the mirror. (That explains a lot, thinks everyone who knows me.)

Now that they are getting older, I have to talk with them about choices, and I am terrified that I am going to mess this up. A few months ago, one of my kids woke up before the rest of us, went into the kitchen, and snuck a cookie. That broke my goddamn heart. We talked about it and I reminded them that if they want a cookie, all they have to do is ask. But that’s not exactly true, is it, because there are times when I do say ‘no.’

I would really, really like to know what you guys do and what your advice is. Help me, Internet friends. Lay some truth on me.

Meredith

Meredith Bland is the mother of twins, born in 2008. Follow Meredith on her popular, award-winning blog, Pile of Babies.