Daughter, When You Break Your Own Heart

Daughter,

Years from now, when your eyes read these written words, you will note the worry strung behind this article was mildly premature. You are so young now, skipping through billowing clouds of innocence; heartbreak seems eons away.

But as I witness you chase after experience, maturing before my eyes, I feel the weight of life’s realities closing in. The thread of your childhood is swiftly becoming shorter, more fragile with each passing day.

Right now is a reprieve. A true bliss, as my peripheral catches all two feet of you dancing outside of the office doors dressed as Elsa.

This current phase of your life feels safe, because heartbreak is just another word you are learning to pronounce.

At this very moment, it is not a feeling. A place. A person. A memory.

No, not yet…

But it is undeniable, an unstoppable force, a simple truth among mankind that you will make acquaintances with its meaning.

Heartbreak

Intense and overwhelming grief, especially through disappointment in love

There is no escaping its touch, a rite of passage, an experience cementing your existence. It will find you, because you are human.

But truly, I do not fear heartbreak, the kind inflicted by others upon you. This notion does not keep me covered by a blanket of insomnia, lucidly trapped in twilight, nor make my heart skip beats in angst for you.

Those breaks, the dark strokes upon the canvas of your heart, will keep the spark of your humanity lit and in this cruel world that seeks to make your soul hard, those experiences will keep you soft.

As you whimsically twirl out of sight, I can’t escape instinct. Every fiber within me desires to its very depth to keep you safe, to ward off any ailment of the heart, to shield you from impending, innate heartbreak from others, but I can’t.

As your mama, this truth pushes dread over my body like a dark, suffocating tide. But it’s not completely dire…

My despair, my tidal wave of deep dread truly lies in the heartbreak of the greatest love affair of all -the love affair you have with yourself.

Self-inflicted Heartbreak

Your heart marred by great sorrow, dipped in agony by your own two hands.

It happens.

We all, at some point during the journey, walk this stage, go down this road –left a prisoner of our own self-pity, feeling trapped behind an unsightly veil of our own creation. The trial of despising our inner reflection, feeling as though the picture of our own person does not replicate the goodness that lives in our soul.

When this crossroad finds you–experiencing self-inflicted heartbreak, casted as the villain behind your heart’s anguish. When you watch your heart break on the hard axis of your own gravity, shattering…

Hear these words, my beauty…

You are not alone.

You are not the first and you will not be the last to walk this path. The love affair with one’s self is not a monogamous match made in heaven. It is a constant evolution of self-worth. And my love, you are so worthy.

We are all plagued by the human condition–we all suffer, we all make mistakes. This life is meant to leave marks.

But do not fear, my love. Heartbreak can be beautiful, it can mean the chance to redefine love for yourself.

In the midst of your sorrow, do not forfeit, or turn blindly away from who I know you to be…

Strong. Intelligent. Kind. Important. Beautiful.

Face your suffering head on, gaze into its eyes. Own your agony. Bloom your remorse. Accept your own forgiveness.

And let yourself rise.

Feign the courage, baring the will to fight against the dark side of being human. This will be self-love.

Do the next right thing for yourself, because you, most of all, are so deserving of your own love.

When you find yourself here, feeling broken by your own volition, pluck those gorgeous pieces of your beautiful heart up off the ground, brush them off with care, lace them together… and let it beat wildly again.

Because you are important to this life, this world, this universe.



Sarah Black is a self-proclaimed Drama Mama of four daughters. She shares her stories of motherhood and estrogen overload on her blog, Confessions of a Drama Mama. You can follow Sarah on Facebook and Twitter.