Bad Mommy: Get Back In The Kitchen

What’s the saying? “Men bring home the bacon and the women cook it.”

I’m not even sure that is a saying. But, it sure is a sentiment. One that should have died a long time ago.

One that hasn’t died.

I love bacon, but the idea that gender defines who should be bringing it home and who should be cooking it, is bull.

First off all everyone should know how to cook bacon, because uh, it’s bacon and it’s bloody delicious (vegans and vegetarians please don’t send me hate mail this applies to tofu bacon or whatever too). But, the stupid sentiment isn’t really about actual bacon, it is about who works and who stays home. It’s about knowing your place and your role; at least according to some folks.

When my son was born I went back to work when he was 8 days old. I was full time again by the time he was 2 weeks old. I had no choice my first marriage was crumbling and someone had to bring in money, because babies need stuff and that stuff costs money.

Did it break my heart to be away from him so soon? Yes. Did I feel guilt? Yup. But, I had to work and I kept on working full time for years and years to come. Single moms have to do that, especially when child support only comes on occasion in random amounts. I don’t remember catching much flack for working back then.

When my daughter was born I was in a completely different situation. My husband had a decent job and I knew I could actually rely on him. So I was home with my daughter and my son and not working. It was wonderful. Then my husband’s job disappeared and we were faced with the scary prospect of no income and a family of 4 to feed, cloth, and pay bills for. We both looked for a job, because someone had to be bringing in income. We both ended up getting job offers. It just so happened I found a job willing to pay more. We talked and both came to the same logical (as far as we were concerned) decision.

I would work, he would stay home.

Things were good.

I worked and my hubby got to spend tons of time with our daughter. He was happy. The kids were happy. I was happy. The utility companies were happy that we were paying them. Happiness filled the land…

Ahahahaha. Then we started to get blow back from friends, relatives, and basically complete strangers. My Mother-in-Law told me one day: “Maybe it’s just me but I believe the man should be making the money.” I ground my teeth, mentally burned 2 bras, and smiled and nodded. A coworker told me: “Mom’s should really be at home the first 2 years, because that is when babies are doing most of their development and they need their Mom to reach their full potential.” Uhhh, while part of that is true, the rest makes no sense. Pretty sure my Hubby and the rest of the men in the world can help with development just like a mom can. My hubby caught it too. A couple friends made backhand comments about him being home and me working. His Mother road him insistently about it.

I want to tell you what happened next is we flipped the whole judgmental world off and did what we felt was best for our family. That we sat in our backyard around a bra bonfire smiling, knowing our bills and kids were taken care of and damn anyone else’s opinion.

INSTEAD the comments had me questioning my parenting, my worth as a Mom.

I started to feel guilty. And, my husband’s self esteem started to tank. He didn’t feel like a man, like he was doing his job as a father and husband. We let these people get to us. So I quit. I became Stay AT Home Mom. And, he took a job that was less than what I was making so he could be Bring Home the Bacon Man.

That was years ago.

I presently work from home. My husband eventually found a job that pays a bit better than the one I walked away from (and it has benefits, which is awesome). Our kids are just as happy and healthy as they were when I worked and he stayed home. The utility companies apparently didn’t really care where our bill money came from. My Husband misses being home with the kids, he misses the time he got to spend with our daughter especially, she has grown up so fast and he missed so many moments. Some days I miss working, the transition from working Mom to Stay at home Mom was hard on me and my self worth. After working and feeling independent for so many years raising my son it took a long time for me to not feel useless and dependent on my husband.

I’m more confident now than I was years ago. Apparently as you get older you get wiser (you also start to give almost no f**ks what others think is best for YOUR family).

So to the many out there that think they know better. That think that a Dad can only be a good, worthy father and man if he works and brings home the bacon. Shut up.

Not only is your opinion outdated, it is unwanted. Run your home how you want, but don’t you dare denigrate a father who stays home to take care of his children. And, to those that think a woman’s place is at home or in the kitchen. Shut up. Run your home how you want, but don’t you dare make a mother feel like she is neglecting her children and husband because she works.

A woman’s and a mother’s place is the same as a man’s and a father’s DOING EVERY DAMNED THING THEY CAN TO PROVIDE THE BEST LIFE POSSIBLE FOR THEIR CHILDREN!

To the Moms and Dads out there struggling with this decision. Do what you decide is best for your family.

Mom staying home, Dad staying home, both Parents working; not one of these choices is better than the other. What is right for one family has NOTHING to do with what is right for another. No matter what anyone says to you, no matter who judges, what really matters is your children, your little family and what provides the best possible life for them. That is the only thing that matters, and if anyone tries to tell you that you are doing it wrong tell them to SHUT UP.


Allyson is a freelance writer allowing her to be home and available for the unending requests and demands of her teen son and 5 year old daughter (and her husband too). At her blog Bring Mommy Coffee Allyson writes to fight against Mommy Judgment, as well as share her funny take on parenting. A former line cook Allyson shares recipes, most of which are of a bacon variety! You can follow Allyson on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest