5 Television Besties I’d Want for My Daughter

It’s no secret that I’m a bit of a Gossip Girl junkie. After the kids go to bed, I often turn it on while I’m working. Or sleeping. Or breathing. It may or may not be on right now.

That said, it’s not something I’d be eager to show my daughter when she’s old enough, mostly because of the stereotypical and shameful way it — and many other TV dramas — portray female friendships.

Watch enough TV, and you’ll believe that all female friendships involve the holy trinity of betrayal: sleeping with each other’s boyfriends, vicious power struggles (either at school or the office), and Machiavellian retribution schemes should someone fall out of line. Because girls never do prosaic things like study or talk about zit cream. Women never get ahead at the office by slaving over PowerPoint presentations or having a bold new idea. There’s always a scheme, always a victim. And that victim’s always wearing heels.

And so, I’m always pleased when I come across TV besties with healthy relationships, not based on betrayal but on support, laughter, and comfort through difficult times. Here are 5 fictional characters that, were they real, I’d be proud to have my daughter call “bestie.”

1. Lane Kim, Gilmore Girls.

Lane, played by Keiko Agena, is Rory’s best friend — if you don’t count her mom, of course. They support each other through all their romantic entanglements and mama drama. Rori cheers on Lane’s band; Lane encourages Rori’s academic ambitions. When they do fight, it’s over what best friends usually fight about: not making enough time for each other, hanging out with a new crowd, spending too much time with a new boyfriend. Yet they work it out, somehow without hair-pulling or posting unflattering photos of each other on Facebook. Plus, Lane gets bonus points for being in a band with Sebastian Bach.

2. Willow Rosenberg, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

How can you not love Alyson Hannigan’s Willow, best friend to Buffy Summers? She starts out shy and awkward, and eventually grows into a confident and powerful lesbian. But through it all, she and Buffy support and strengthen each other. Buffy may have supernatural abilities, but she’d be lost without her emotional anchor. Yes, there was that brief period where Willow became addicted to dark magic and kicked Buffy’s ass — but, really, no supernatural drama is complete without someone going dark and engaging in a little friendly (demonic) fire.

3. Donna Martin, Beverly Hills, 90210.

What mother wouldn’t want her daughter to have a best friend who is proudly and vocally saving herself for marriage? (Until, of course, she reaches her 20s and suddenly isn’t.) Donna, played by Tori Spelling, is that rare character on TV: a girl who’s just nice. She stands by Brenda and Kelly through all their madness, puts up with Andrea Zuckerman, and inspires an entire class to rally to her side when she’s in trouble. Donna Martin graduates? Of course she does, because she’s a good girl, a good friend, and the only female on the show who hasn’t slept with Dylan McKay, making her smarter than all of them.

4. Paris Geller, Gilmore Girls.

I think every girl should have a Paris Geller in her life. Not because the character, brilliantly played by Liza Weil, is neurotic and a tad paranoid, but because she and Rory have a competitive relationship based on mutual respect. The two challenge each other and spur each other on to even greater heights. It’s something you don’t see often on TV: two ambitious young women who compete against but still like and admire each other (despite the occasional fencing match). In an early scene, the headmaster assumes a boy is involved in their conflict. “Sure, we’re girls,” Paris replies sarcastically, “so we could only be arguing about a boy.” Indeed, as the years go by, they find many more interesting things to argue about.

5. Elena Tyler, Felicity.

I know most of the “best friend” drama on this show revolved around Felicity’s complex relationship with Julie. But this goes back to my original point: best friends don’t spend the majority of their “friendship” competing for the same guy. That’s why I prefer ambitious pre-med student Elena Tyler (played by Tangi Miller). What I love about Elena is that she always tells Felicity the truth — but from a place of caring, rather than judgment. She’s honest without being mean, straightforward without being cruel. And can’t we all use some of that in our lives?

While it may be entertaining to watch young women with $3,000 handbags plot each other’s demise on TV, in real life, female friends have a lot more to offer each other. I wouldn’t have gotten through my teen years without my circle of besties by my side. As my daughter grows and develops her own close friendships, I hope she’ll find positive role models for treating each other with kindness and respect.

At the very least, I hope her friends are more Stars Hollow than Upper East Side.

Meredith Hale is the author of Mommy A to Z: An Encyclopedia of the Joys, Wonders, and Absurdities of Motherhood. Her work has appeared on the Huffington Post, Pampers.com, and WhattoExpect.com. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or at her blog, Mommy A To Z.