4 Parenting Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

The path of parenting is filled with enough twists and turns to warrant as much exhaustion and satisfaction for a lifetime. However, along the way, we also learn valuable lessons which make the journey worthwhile. No experience is perfect and these four examples are just proof that I am still a work-in-progress as a mother.

Asking for Help When Needed

Being a new mom, I thought that help was a sure sign of weakness; that asking for it meant I was incompetent as a parent, that I didn’t know what I was doing and I was a fool for even trying. What I learned, however, is asking for help actually makes me a better. It allows me to take stock of my situation and realize that to raise my daughter, to really know what’s good for her, I need to learn by example—to heed advice from others who’ve done it before me, to learn from their mistakes and successes.

Now, instead of doing it all myself (and driving myself insane in the process), I embrace the notion that I can’t. Because it really does take a village to raise a child and that includes me and a host of others for it to be a success

Avoiding Comparison to Others

Parenthood is a complicated road to maneuver, and though I’ve learned to value support and help from others, I’ve always tread water when comparing myself to others.

Like some parents, sometimes I can’t help it. I want to know how my child fairs with the rest of the masses, and how I stack up with other moms like me. And I used to silently give myself a hard time when I don’t meet the “standards” or the “norm” set for me by others. It was exhausting to keep up with it all, and it often left me physically and emotionally drained with hardly any results.

It’s taken me sometime to realize that parenting is different for everyone. Yes, we’re all working toward a common goal—taking care of our children—but each path we take won’t be similar, and that’s ok.

Making peace with this revelation is still a work in progress, but I’m getting better. I’m learning that comparison is indeed a thief of joy, that I should judge myself less and just try more, that a bit of a grace and a little less criticism goes a long way.

Putting Myself First

A mother’s instinct is to always put her children and her family first. From food, to shelter, clothing and well-being, moms, myself included, tend to sacrifice simple comforts and satisfaction to ensure that our family is cared for most. However, what I didn’t realize was that my number one priority should be myself and my well-being. If I’m going to take on such an important task, I have to be at my best, and I simply can’t if I’m not healthy, happy or content.

So, in the two short years I’ve been a mother, I’ve learned to be selfish—to be kind to myself, to indulge— even for just a moment. Whether it’s reading, watching a movie, or even just five minutes of quiet during naptime, I try to keep myself in the forefront of my mind, and enjoy the simple pleasures of it all. Because if I’m not well, if I’m not satisfied, then my job as a mother falls by the wayside and my family will suffer in its wake.

Letting Go of Perfection

Before I became a mother, I was a self-described perfectionist. I strive for the best—the neatest house, the most punctual schedule, the most orderly office. Everything had to be pristine, divine, always.

When my daughter was born, I tried to indulge in the same habits. I wanted to keep a clean house, stick to a meticulous schedule; I wanted to be as orderly as possible. Of course, my daughter and parenthood had a different idea. Soon, my priorities shifted, and over time, I learned that time is too fleeting with my little girl to perfect it all. Savoring these moments with her, whether big or small, should be my focus. The pile of dirty dishes in the sink, and the dusty table tops in my living room can wait, and so can the messy rooms and the unfolded laundry on the couch. The crayons on the wall will fade eventually and the non-gourmet dinners will be easily forgotten, but the moments I make with my child will last a lifetime. And I’d rather we remember the imperfections than forget the memories any day.



Maria is a mother, a wife, and a writer. She’s an avid collector of life’s little and big moments, and enjoys chronicling her first time parenting adventures on her blog, Collecting Moments. In between play groups and nap times, she spends her time wishing for more sleep and willing time to slow down just a bit (she’s yet to be successful at either). You can follow Maria on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google+.